Lost Moments
by Shineera
Summary: Some decisions made in a second can have an effect bigger than life itself. Alistair/FemCousland after the Landsmeet and post game. Rating changed to M.
1. Consequences

_Obviously none of this belongs to me, except for the uber emotional Warden. Written in the spur of the moment and I honestly couldn't think of a better title. Bear with me, this is my first piece of writing in ages and damn it was hard to get it out X_X still not one of my best, lots of rough edges to clean up but there's nothing more I can do with it now. Basically I wasn't happy with this whole situation so I had to write another outcome :p warning it's extremely full of angst but I guess that's where my fun is XD enjoy (:_

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"What?"

I stared completely dumbfounded at Alistair, not believing... no, _refusing_ to believe what I was hearing. He kept trying his best to look me in the eyes but he kept averting his gaze, as a means of making his speech maybe just a bit easier.

"I... I'm king now, whether I like it or not and I have a duty... I can't just ignore it. And you know the responsibilities that come with it."

I still couldn't believe it. I need a wife and child, he says. You can't provide those, he says. Not exactly with those words but slowly morphing into them and even something worse, they poisoned my mind and drove me ever so slightly towards an abyss, towards a fall that made all that we lived through _together_ seem nothing but distant meaningless memories.

"Responsibilities? And your responsibility towards me? Is that non existent, Alistair? I don't have a say in this...?" I said trying to remain calm, but slowly and surely losing my cool, "Do you... do you even care? Have you ever cared?"

At this, he suddenly stood still and looked up at me, his once endearing eyes slightly confused and the words struggling to come out of his throat.

"Wh...what? You can't possibly mean th... no, no Ariadne... It's not like that! At all!"

"Then how is it Alistair? After everything we've been through, after everything... you're just leaving me. Just like that? Like it was nothing? What the hell am I supposed to think?"

The templar took a step forward and tried to take my hands but by then my anger was steadily and surely surging and I violently took them away. This seemed to trigger something within him as his eyes widened and his voice took a much harsher tone towards me.

"I did not ask for this! I did not want this, you're the one who made me king and you damn well knew I didn't want any of it!"

No jokes, no witty one liners to try and save face, just sheer aggressiveness and rage, something I had only seen of Alistair in the battlefield and that now scared me immensely. A million thoughts crossed my mind, did he ever love me like he said he did? Was he breaking things off as revenge for making him king? Had he used me to get to the throne and now threw me away since he didn't need me anymore? From the most plausible to the most ridiculous notions, every single one of them made sense to me and all my self control was nearly lost. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit him, oh Maker I wanted to hurt him as badly as he was hurting me. All the yelling surged from within me with zero control, almost as if I was outside of my body, a mere spectator in a less than inviting spectacle.

"And do you think I wanted to kill Loghain? Don't you think I had more reasons to keep him alive and join us, in our weakened state, than to kill him? Why do you think I did that? Tell me Alistair, why?"

I didn't care anymore, I had to let it all out, I had to hurt him, I wanted to. I didn't care who listened or the gossip that would surely ensue. Alistair made sure all my sensitivity towards that went away when he started this.

"I didn't want this Ariadne!" he kept repeating the now empty words that were nothing but meaningless sounds to me.

"It was for you, you fool! I killed him for you! Because the thought of you leaving me was more than I could bear! But I guess it was for nothing, because here you are. Well done Alistair." I couldn't stop the venom spitting from my tongue, the look on his face, startled, confused, trying to grasp at something that simply wasn't there anymore.

"You're going to be a great king. Deceptive and manipulative. A great king indeed."

I didn't look back, I just couldn't. I still couldn't feel myself and even something as simple as the walls of the castle felt like mere empty barriers around me. I was moving, I was raging, tears stained my face and yet I was simply not there. For everything I used to be was his and by rejecting me, he simply took away who I was.


	2. The Cold Harsh Truth

_Yes yes... more angst. What can I say, I've been listening to music that fuels this :p and after a long time studying hard, I need to dump all of that energy somewhere XD anyways, as always I own nothing, this is another snippet, there'll be more along the way and I hope you enjoy it (:_

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I could barely keep a single thought in my head, the simplest thing like keeping a nice coherent track of thought seemed to the most impossible task at the moment. I felt weak and disheartened, both a fool and a coward. I was never the leader and that reflected itself even now. They say "Alistair jump!" and I jump, they say "Alistair fight!" and I fight, they say "Alistair give up everything that means something to you and go make a horde of royal babies!" and apparently I go and do that just as well.

Was I doing the right thing? It felt so terribly wrong and yet part of me kept assuring that it _was_ the right thing to do. But should it even cause this much pain? We've had our misunderstandings and there was even that time when we barely... but we weren't even half of what we are... _were_... now.

I kept trying to assure myself that what I had done was the right thing, after all if I was to be king, how could we keep it going? I could make her my mistress, yes, but she didn't deserve that. She deserved to be the only one, a true queen and alas, I could not do that. All I wanted was to have her by my side, to help me rule if I had to, but sometimes what we want isn't quite what's right for us, isn't it?

Isn't it?

But all of that were things I simply couldn't face at the time, Riordan had asked for us to meet him and that's where I should head, not the dark pits of my own mind.

When I arrived, she was already there, staring into some blank point in space, not even a flinch when I opened the door and coughed to announce my arrival. I couldn't exactly blame her, now could I... but it didn't make it any easier.

I barely listened to Riordan's words, I could hear them and understand them but somehow they seemed hollow, as if they were echoes of words uttered long ago. It all began to dawn on me, how we Grey Wardens not only had our lives shortened by the taint but we also served as a sacrifice to finally kill the Archdemon. Being the senior Warden, Riordan volunteered to do it but what if he failed...

"I'll do it."

The sound of her voice suddenly woke me up as I just couldn't believe what I heard.

"You what? How can you even make that decision like that?"

"It's _my_ decision. I'll do it. It's not like we're heavy in numbers right now." her glare was icy as it gets although one could tell there was a hint of sadness in them.

"Ah I'm glad for such a noble act my friends but hopefully it will not come to that. I will go through with it and all shall be done." she turned her back to Riordan but I simply couldn't take my eyes off of her. I could feel my nails digging into my palms and my teeth clenching.

"Now let's go, we have to rest before tomorrow."

She was the first to leave the room but I quickly snapped out of my stupefied state and picked up the pace enough to grab her by an arm and pull her inside the nearest vacant room.

"By the Maker, what do you think you're doing?"

"None of your business." she coldly replied with her eyes firmly glued to the ground.

"What do you mean, none of my business? It is my business, it is my damned business! So all of a sudden, in a matter of seconds, you decide to run off and kill yourself?"

"It's only logical..."

"No, it's not logical!" there you go again Alistair, lose the little control you have "If you go by that logic then I should go! And that's how it's going to go down, Ariadne. I'll do it. I'm king of Ferelden, aren´t I? Well I might as well be the best king I can be and save the kingdom."

"That's exactly why I'm doing it." in a forceful move, she removed her arm from my grasp and looked up at me "You're king now Alistair. You have a duty, you said so yourself. You have a duty to rule these people, to unite the land and do the best you can do, like I know you can."

Everything since the last couple of days felt like nothing but bad dreams, worse than the Archdemon induced nightmarish visits into the Fade. I almost felt weightless, this was too surreal to be actually happening. But the pain deeply seated in my chest told me otherwise.

"I have nothing. I have no family, no home. It's only logical I am the one to do this. It makes absolutely no sense for you to go through with it."

"No, no. no Ariadne! It makes perfect sense!" I covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath, trying to concentrate, trying to maybe, just maybe, make time turn around and let us go back to different times, where even in the midst of battle there was even some slight shred of hope and happiness.

"For Andraste's sake, Alistair! Why are you being completely irrational? I know you are completely committed to your kingly duty, hell, I should know! But this is not your decision to make."

Ouch. That one was a low blow but I sure deserved it. She was fuming and her fists were clenched and almost looked like she was ready to plant one of them right in my face. As for me, I was getting desperate. And desperate Alistair was never a pretty sight to behold.

I cupped her face between my hands, which, to my surprise, she didn't remove and started speaking as slowly and calmly as I could.

"Ariadne, you cannot begin to imagine how regretful I am. If I could take every single thing I have said back, I would, but I can't. I wish I could promise you that we'd be together after this, king or no king, I don't care anymore. I just... " I took a deep breath, her lip started to quiver "I don't want to live the rest of my life if you sacrifice your own with me simply standing and doing nothing about it."

"Why would you even care, you made it clear that..."

"I love you, that's why. And I'm stupid and..."

As always, she managed to shut me up with her lips, with a kiss so desperate it seemed to cling to life itself. When we parted, we were both breathless, my hands still on her face and my forehead on hers.

"Please promise me..."

"I can't promise you that Alistair. I just can't."

And so she left the room, leaving me there able to do nothing but stare at her disappearing in the hallway. I touched my lips, still tasting and feeling her. Was that what was to become of us? Just the fading memory of a single kiss? It couldn't be and I was determined to not let that happen.


	3. Necessary Evil

_I feel like I'm on a roll writing atm :D Ok, so we're back to the angst :p just to clarify things a bit, this has actually grown to be a sort of on-going story... as in the only ones in actual chronological order are the ones after the Landsmeet, the other ones are scattered moments meant to illustrate situations in the relationship or even reference a few moments in the other chapters. hope that clears it up (: I'm not sure if I'm managing to get the voice of the characters all that right so any criticism and help on that is more than welcome._

_Well... enjoy (:_

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Heroes are supposed to be grandiose figures who save entire nations from demons, beasts, dragons and other gruesome beasties. They have perfectly polished armors and extremely sharp weapons, decimating their enemies left and right with courageous war cries that make ladies swoon and men make toasts with plenty of ale.

At least that's what I thought my entire life.

Nobody ever told me that in order to be the Hero of Ferelden I would have to not only kill countless darkspawn, but have various sharp items stuck on my flesh, bones broken and even worse, suffer from the overall silliness that is falling in love with a fellow Grey Warden, taint and all, who just happens to be the heir to the throne. Not to mention the new revelation that meant that most likely, I'd have to go and not only jump in harm's way, but welcome and tease it. But I guess that's how legends are born... nobody will write about the young girl who killed the Archdemon and now spends her days knitting in her room. Oh no no, death is much more suiting, sacrificing oneself for the well being of the kingdom is much more... how do you say it... ah yes, silly girl, _heroic._

Even so, I was surprised at my own level of comfort with the idea of dying. When all things were considered, I had plenty more reasons to die than to actually run away and move on with my life. No home to go back to, no family to welcome me, no love to... well I had pretty much nothing to look forward to after everything was over. Not even him.

Desperate words of love and affection are all nice and beautiful but he had once told me to my face that he couldn't be with me, in the name of duty, of all things. I understood now, more than ever, as I faced the idea of sacrificing myself for Ferelden. Sometimes you just can't get what you want and you have to be a little selfless, especially when it came to a Blight or a civil war brewing. Some things were just bigger than our little selves...

Nothing told me that when this was all over, _if_ we survived, that he'd stay true to his word and stay by my side. I knew Alistair and I knew his sense of honor and duty. He would not turn away from his people, even if it meant his own misery. And mine.

"Glad to see you finally arrived."

Morrigan's voice snapped me out of my own thoughts as I walked mindlessly into my own room only to stumble into her standing in front of the fire.

"Morrigan? Is everything all right?"

"I wished to speak with you." she turned to face me and circled the table behind her "I have a plan you see, a loop in your hole."

I tried to make some sense of her words but her tone entranced me. A loophole sounded good. For whatever it was.

"I know what happens when the Archdemon dies... why a Grey Warden must be the one to slay it. Quite the costly sacrifice, one that might just end up being you. But I might just have the solution... if you will."

I could see the dim lighting dancing in her eyes, a mysterious glint in them filled with cunning and a slight hint of mischief.

"What do you mean?" I crossed my arms over my chest defensively and waited for more words.

"I'm offering you a way out, for you and all the Grey Wardens, a way to avoid any sacrifice. A... ritual. Performed in the eve of battle, in the dark of night." her full lips curved into a sly smile.

"Nothing comes without a price. Now does it?"

"Quite. But it doesn't need to be as high of a price, especially when there is so much to be gained. I only ask that you listen to my offer, nothing more."

I was actually intrigued. Despite having accepted my fate, this new development was all too appealing to be passed on. So I stayed and listened.

"Very well Morrigan, what's this plan?"

"It's very simple, actually. What I propose is this-" she turned her gaze on me, with a few strands of dark hair slightly covering her eyes "-convince Alistair to lay with me. Here, tonight. And from this ritual, a child shall be conceived, a child that will bear the taint. When the Archdemon is slain, its essence will seek the child like a beacon. It won't die, it will be too early on the stage of development for that to happen, instead it will absorb the essence. But the Archdemon will perish and no Gray Warden will be slain with it."

"Wait, what?" lately it seemed like disbelief was just too much of a familiar and recurrent feeling "You want to conceive? Alistair's child of all things? And not only that, but a child with the Archdemon's essence? What will even become of it?"

"It is your choice. I am no more glad than you are that it must be with Alistair but for this to work, the Warden mustn't suffer from the taint for long. The child will have the soul of an old God and all I ask is for it to be mine. I will not bother you, I will leave afterwards and you will not follow me. Ever. But tell me, is that price so high?" she straightened herself and burrowed right through me with those icy eyes.

"You know I respect you a lot Morrigan... but how can you even be so sure that this will work? Or that, Maker... Alistair will even agree to do it?"

"Why do you think Flemeth sent me with you? I have earned mutual respect for you as well but this is what I am set to do. As for Alistair... if he does not agree then he is a fool and truly not worthy of your attention. You are stubborn. But so is he. If Riordan falls, do you think he will stand idly and watch you slay the beast? It is your choice Ariadne. But I advise you to consider your reasons to do this very carefully. You know you have more than enough of them."

My heart felt heavy as I exhaled. I was fidgeting with my fingers and trying to find some deep dark corner in my mind that had all the answers and could help me make a decision as this.

"To do what?"

I felt absolutely horrified as I saw Alistair standing at the doorway, a baffled look on his face as he divided his confusion between looking at me and Morrigan.

"Perfect timing." Morrigan said, crossing her own arms and not avoiding an extremely pleased look on her face.

I quickly ran outside, pushing Alistair along with me and pleading with him to go somewhere else.

"Alistair, let's go."

"What was she talking about?"

"I said, let's go."

"Alright, but tell me what was that all about?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked deeply into his eyes, my nails digging into his ungloved hand.

"Alistair... let's... go."

He finally caved in and let me lead him into his own room, where I locked the door and sat on the bed sinking my face into my own hands. I couldn't make that offer to him. It was tempting yes, knowing that there was a slight chance that we could make it out of this alive, but at what cost? A child with the very essence of the Archdemon, born from an apostate. Morrigan had been a true ally but apparently, good old friendship wasn't her sole reason to do so.

"Alistair... what did you hear?" I finally mustered up the courage to say, still hiding my face away.

"Something or other about the conversation we had with Riordan... how Morrigan came to know of it baffles me, but that's beside the point. Why did she bring it up?"

I felt him kneel in front of me and taking my own hands away from me, forcing me to look at him.

"Why, Ariadne?"

"She said... she had a way out. Some sort of ritual, Flemeth's doing, in order to avoid the sacrifice." his eyebrows furrowed but he waited for me to finish it "But... it's insanity. Just forget about it."

"What? No, how could Morrigan even know such a thing? And even more importantly, why don't the Wardens know of this?"

"Because in order to do it you have to sleep with her and conceive a child." I managed to blurt out, immediately regretting my own words.

"Excuse me? Ariadne this isn't exactly the time for jokes, now is it?" he chuckled although my pained expression made it quickly subside "You're not joking."

"No."

"So that means... either die slain by the Archdemon or try to survive by sleeping with Morrigan... that surely makes death a pleasant thought. But... a child? Why would she want a child?"

"It's a ritual. The Archdemon's essence... it would be absorbed by the child. The soul of an old God she says."

He looked absolutely disgusted and yet I could see that he was actually entertaining the thought, raking his fingers through his hair and focusing on some point in midair, just to avoid my own eyes.

"Don't tell me you're actually considering it?"

"No, I'm not saying I am or that I'd be willing to do it but... you can't say it's not tempting. I mean... " he looked at me, his face contorted into pain "if Riordan falls, if I'm not there..."

"We've had this conversation already. It's not up for discussion."

"For Andraste's sake! Why do you have to be so stubborn? You do realise I could just gather an army to keep you locked in this room, don't you?"

Alistair looked completely exasperated and he started to scare me. I was most determined in my decision to slay the Archdemon, _just in case_, but so was he. It scared me to death, not the thought of leaving this world and going into the Fade. No. I was absolutely terrified of the thought of seeing him die.

"You could, but you wouldn't. You're too smart for that..." I was losing control and I could barely hold back the tears that insisted on welling up on my eyes. I felt his arms around me and his lips on my forehead. Every time he touched me, every single kiss or hug of his now felt like the last and the thought of it simply made me completely break down into a sobbing mess in his arms.

"Don't do this to me."

"I'll never leave you. Ever." he buried his face on my neck and I used all my strength to keep him in my grasp. I was too scared to lose him, to the Archdemon, to the kingdom, to everything. He kept caressing my hair and wiping away my tears, planting kisses where they fell.

I was completely exhausted by then and could barely keep myself up so he laid me on the bed and covered me with a blanket.

"Alistair...don't leave me. Not tonight." I weakly grabbed his hand.

"I have to be meet Arl Eamon." he kissed my forehead "I won't be long. I'll be here soon. I promise." his smile was heartwarming but I could see a small hint of sadness in his eyes.

The feeling of his hand on mine was the last thing I felt as I soon was unable to resist drifted off to sleep. My body simply couldn't take it anymore, all the physical exhaustion and having been worn out mentally was too much to bear.

I felt him come into the room later, already deep into the night, his hair wet and his touch warm. Alistair's arms around me were more than I could ask for in that night, the comfort and closeness were everything that I could ever want. Every single fight and conflict I tucked way behind in my mind, wanting nothing but for my last memory to be of us, together in that bed, peacefully as one.

But then again, sometimes you just can't get what you want. Right?


	4. The End Of All Things To Come

_First things first, I tried to switch a bit the in-game dialogue as well as switching the order of an event or two... I wanted to write more but I think this one is already big as it is so I'll leave it for the next part... also I'd like to make a plea since there seems to be a few people who are enjoying this... every single bit of criticism is appreciated so if you have anything to say, good or bad, if you loved it, if you think it's lacking somewhere or even if you have any ideas, any input is more than welcome. Thanks (: and enjoy._

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"Today we save Denerim, today we avenge the death of my brother King Cailan. But most of all, today we show the Grey Wardens that we remember and honor their sacrifice! For Ferelden! For the Grey Wardens!"

Words weren't enough to describe the feeling of seeing Alistair up there, speaking to the troops. I didn't see the templar in training that left to become a Grey Warden or even the fumbling young man trying to confess his love. I saw a King, the rightful heir, and right then and there with just a quick glance at the troops and knowing that thanks to that man, they were more ready than ever for battle, I knew I had made the right decision, no matter what came out of it. The effusive roars of the crowd eventually subsided and a glowing Alistair came down from his place and walked in the midst of all the hails and the dispersing troops.

"How did I do?" he had a big smile plastered on his face.

"Perfectly. See, you can lead." I smiled as well, tapping his arm lightly "And you didn't lose your pants in the process."

"Well it's still pretty early, we have a whole day ahead of us, who knows what might happen to my pants."

There was a light, a fire in his eyes. Despite everything, the pressures and the recent less than welcome revelations, he was fitting right into the role of King, so perfect I couldn't even try to envision it going any other way. Even with his non royal upbringing, I saw nothing but a regal figure before me and my heart was filled to the brim with pride. I never was a firm believer in destiny but this was all too perfect to be true, just like pieces of a puzzle that fit nowhere else but in their designated places. He was to be King, and me? I was more than certain where my path would lead me, as short as it seemed.

I couldn't help but feel slightly scared. Even after spending the past year in constant battle, the tents across the yard, the various factions gathering and preparing for the fight, everything screamed of Ostagar to me. And the fear of failure was an unwelcome but firm presence on my mind.

But those were things that shouldn't cloud my mind, as I was quickly reminded of it by a shadowy figure crossing the red sky. The presence of the Darkspawn was immense and we knew that the time had come to finally meet the horde.

The troops were already gathered and ready as we walked to the front and saw the fiends in the distance. Riordan stepped next to us, gripping his sword and slightly bowing his head.

"It's time."

I nodded in agreement and his powerful voice was heard as he let out a fearsome battle cry, urging the soldiers onwards to meet steel with steel. I ran with full force and clashed my sword against the first Darkspawn head I met, the blood splattering on me and giving me even more strength to battle the next fiend that ran towards my way. The horrid creature's battle axe fell with tremendous brute force towards me but with a swift move I avoided it and let it be buried on the ground. As the creature fumbled with it, trying to desperately remove the weapon, I went to its back and furiously lodged my sword on its neck, blood spilling everywhere when I removed the blade. It was always a strange feeling, almost as if I was detached from reality, to kill and decimate like it was a simple and mindless task, even if it was these soulless beasts.

I took a glance to my side and saw Oghren beheading a fallen Darkspawn, proceeding to spit on the corpse and noticing me looking at him, smiling and turning to swing his axe towards the nearest enemy.

I began to see more and more corpses, a few of our own but many of theirs as well as many running away chased by our men, as the terrible shape of the draconic Archdemon flew above us towards the sky high buildings above. Despite the ominous figure roaming the skies, I couldn't help but smile inwardly at our small victory. We had battled them, as an army, and unlike Ostagar, we not only dwindled their numbers but also managed to chase them away, through the gates. The soldiers were ecstatic, roars of victory filling the air. We were making it... we were actually making it.

I saw Alistair on the far side, covered in blood but also joining the troops in their cheering. Even the midst of the crowd, his eyes managed to search and find mine, with that glow I adored.

Riordan approached me with a smile as well, obviously satisfied with what we had just accomplished.

"Well done my friend, we managed to get to the gates, we are doing much better than I expected. However, the army might not last long."

"You can bet your ass it won't, to say we're outnumbered is an understatement!" Oghren wiped the blood off his axe with his gloves, with an obvious frown clouding his features.

"The dwarf is right. Their numbers might have suffered but so have we and being outnumbered as we are... We should get as quickly as we can to the Archdemon. I suggest you divide your companions, take a few with you and the others should stay here, to help prevent any Darkspawn from breaching the gates."

"I agree Riordan, but how are we supposed to fight that?" I asked, pointing to the tower where the Archdemon had flown to.

"We'll need to reach a high point in the city. The top of Fort Drakon might just do."

"The top of...you actually want to draw the attention of _that_?" Alistair's voice had some concern in it and I noticed as he finished his sentence, his eyes were drawn towards me.

"We have little choice. However I must warn you that as soon as we engage the beast, it will call all its generals to help it."

It boiled my blood to listen to Alistair in the midst of this conversation. I did not want him to discuss any tactics when it came to slaying the Archdemon, I didn't even want to fathom the idea of him being there for it to happen. And that wasn't going to happen, not if I had any say in it.

"I'll be going to Fort Drakon, with Wynne, Ohgren and Dog" I quickly said and glanced at my chosen companions as they nodded in silent agreement "Sten, you'll be leading here and hold off the gates. We can't afford to have the Darkspawn breaching them."

I knew very well he was going to protest but my decision was made and I was most determined not to let him go with me to Fort Drakon. Our destinies were set, I was to rid Ferelden of the Archdemon, in case Riordan failed, and Alistair was to rule the kingdom back to its former glory. I wouldn't have it any other way.

"One of them can stay here, I'm going with you." there was determination in his eyes but I could not accept it. No. This was my decision.

"You're staying here. You're more needed here than up there, I can hold my own. I've told you before..." I leaned towards him and lowered my voice "...this is not your decision."

"Riordan, excuse us for a second." he pulled me aside, leaving the older Warden a bit bewildered as this really wasn't the time or place for private conversations. He lowered his head and whispered to me "You know damn well you're not going up there without me."

I removed my gloves and held his face between my hands, caressing his skin and cherishing the touch "My love... no matter what happens, you know what I feel. Don't you?"

"Don't. Save that for later. I won't leave you, ever. So I want you to promise me the same." his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes pleaded for my promise, which never came as Riordan, to my relief, interrupted us.

"Excuse me, my friends. I apologize for interrupting but I sense two Darkspawn generals. You may wish to seek them out before you head to the Archdemon, no matter who you take with you. It is your choice, it may help you greatly in the final battle or it may simply help to reduce our troops' numbers."

"Where are these generals?"

"Wait..." Riordan stopped for a moment and closed his eyes, frowning and pursing his lips for what seemed like an eternity, before finally facing me "The Alienage and the Market District."

I bit my lip and avoided Alistair's gaze. I knew what to do and I would not let him nor anyone stop me.

"I'll take the Alienage's General with Dog and Oghren. Alistair will go to the Market District with Wynne."

I finally looked at him and saw his fists clenching, he was desperate to try and dissuade me from what I was doing but he knew it was impossible.

"And we'll meet at Fort Drakon." I stared intently into his eyes and deep down, I believe he knew exactly what my plan was. The Elven Alienage was much closer to the Fort, I was bound to get there first and to reach the dragon. But he couldn't protest, not now. We did not have the time. He grasped my hand and kept looking at me until I finally let go of him and started getting ready to go through the gates. Once again, I looked back to him and silently formed the words that I knew he wanted to hear. A small glimmer of hope for him, I thought.

_I'll wait for you._

* * *

Looking at the corpses lying around us, I could still hear Leliana's voice in my head. She would gladly fight by my side until the end... and I knew she wasn't the only one. Who was I, to inspire this much loyalty in people? Only a year ago I was simply a young spoiled noble girl, whose only cares in life were to keep her Mabari hound away from the larder and to hide all those seedy novels that were so amusing and unintentionally hilarious from her maids. Improper literature for such a young lady, my mother would say. But where was all the fun in the proper stuff?

A year ago, I was nothing more than just another soon to be lady. Now? I was a warrior who did not hesitate in battle and who was inspiring to the point of making others want to fight beside her, even if that meant their deaths. I did not recognize myself as the little young Cousland girl anymore, those memories seemed so distant... all the blood on my armor, as disgusting as it might be, was a reminder of all that I had been through, all of my growth and hardships that I overcame as well as the dearest of friends I made. I could not have wished for a more fulfilling life. Not with all the people I met along the way. It truly is the journey that counts.

A deep and terrifying roaring snapped me out of my thoughts, making all of us look into the sky. The Archdemon was soaring the skies, a darkened mass flapping gigantic blackened wings that menaced to cover the entire kingdom with their shadow. As the dragon flew past a tower, I saw another smaller figure running in that same building, a glint of mail in it, suddenly jumping and landing on the beast's back, slashing the shrieking fiend with its blade. Riordan. It was the Warden Riordan and my heart skipped a beat to see such an act, finally starting to believe that things would truly go as planned and that everything would be just as we hoped it would afterwards.

The dragon roared with pain and seemed to lose control, blue menacing fire spewing from its gaping maw and its wings flapping around uncontrollably, desperately trying to be rid of the pest that insisted on slashing its back, ending up going against one of the towers that stood on fire.

Everyone stood with mouth agape looking upwards as Riordan's small figure clung to the creature's wing, sliding once more into its back, simply clinging to his sword. Another slash and more blood spilling but the sword slid down the beast's spine until it had no more flesh to rip and the dragon fell high above in Fort Drakon. A small figure fell from the infinite sky to the ground, as if it were nothing more but a ragdoll.

The Archdemon was wounded but not dead, I could feel it. But Riordan... despite all the bravery in his actions he had failed and it finally dawned on me. My journey, as marvelous as it had been, was nearing its end. I knew now, more than ever, what to do, what my purpose in this life was. To finish what the older Warden began. To stop the Blight. No matter what the consequences were.

* * *

I was, as strange as it seems, relieved to find a horde of Darkspawn within the fort. It meant that we had gotten there first and if we were lucky enough, we would reach the top before Alistair could reach us. After battling our way upwards, when we entered the yard, the air smelled of death and acid. I felt exactly like when I had my first nightmare due to the taint... a slithering presence hissing in my senses, although now it was very real and right in front of me. This was no mechanized battle, this was everything I had prepared for. The three of us joined forces against the beast, doing our best to avoid the scalding fire of its breath as well as the tail that swept through the ground in swift and quick movements. We managed to hold our own, battling a few weakening fiends before some of our troops arrived, just in time as Oghren slid off of the dragon's back, skillfully avoiding one fiery breath and running towards us. After an exhausting fight, the beast stood before us, weakened and ready for the taking. I gripped my sword's handle, drawing one last breath and digging my feet into the ground. I believe I've heard Alistair' voice screaming my name as I started running towards the dragon. It all became a blur then, something as simple as my own steps feeling ethereal and unreal. I took advantage of the dragon's position and slid on my knees, lifting my sword and slashing its belly as the blood rained upon me as if it was one final curse. The head of the fiend fell with tremendous force right next to me, dark and thick blood pooling around. Life still pulsed through the unholy shell so I raised my sword above my head, gathered every single ounce of strength within me and plunged it on its head, smalls specks of light flickering through the wound and finally turning into pulsing rays of blinding light. I could feel... something... forcing its way within me, rushing through my veins and pouring itself out of every single pore in my body. My fingers were ablaze, something that felt like jolting shocks of electricity pulsing through my sword and into them. But I did not let go. I couldn't. This was the end and I was not giving up now. The light was getting more and more bright, until I saw nothing but pure white. I heard voices, my name, but they sounded like they were buried... submerged... far away.

I didn't feel restrained by the prison of flesh that once enveloped me but even so I felt warm... that familiar feeling... home. And those two strange figures that stood before me... Mother! Father!

I hugged them both, clinging to them with desperation, the warmth feeling so familiar and the smell on my mother's hair... of apples and roses. I was crying and yet I did not feel the wetness of my tears, only the sobbing movements of my chest.

"Don't cry pup."

"Father! I did it! I saved Ferelden! And now I'm here, back with... both of you!"

"We are proud my child." my mother's smile felt like sunshine.

"But this is not your time. Not yet, pup."

I was confused. I had slain the Archdemon, I had plunged myself into death. That had been the cost to kill the beast and I had willingly gone through with it.

"We will meet again my dear. But it's still early..." my father ran his fingers through my hair "...you still have much to live. We love you."

Their figures and the warmth began to fade. The smell lingered on my nostrils for a while before it disappeared as well. And then only the darkness. The pain and the discomfort of the stone floor on my body was too much to bear, my eyelids were heavy and I could barely try opening them. The sounds... muffled... slightly becoming clearer...

"Wynne! Wynne! She's waking up!"

* * *

_Yup, not quite the end :D what was to become only a series of snippets got way out of hand, turned into a monster really and now I can't do anything but write it :p but oh well... we'll see how it goes. Hope you enjoyed._


	5. Aftermath

_Thanks to Abydos Jackson and Aaliia for beta-ing for me and helping me make this chapter much much better. I was falling into the trap churning out chapters so their help was more than precious :D I'm happy with how it is now so yeah... not much was changed, just a few updates, specially with dialogue. Enjoy (:_

* * *

Despite everything, all the pain and conflict it all came down to one very simple path for the both of us: I would slay the Archdemon, and die along with it, and he would rule Ferelden.

I had stepped into the Fade and seen my parents... it wasn't my time, they said. But how could that be? Had Riordan lied to us? Was he mistaken?

I was now bed-ridden, my body laden with injuries and weakened by the surge of energy that passed through me when I dealt the final blow. How long had I slept? I did not know, as I kept falling in and out of consciousness while Wynne tended to me. I couldn't recall seeing Alistair or even speaking to him but truth be told I didn't remember much since the battle in Denerim. I was only just beginning to be able to keep my eyes open and finally acknowledge my surroundings. The air felt chilly on my exposed face but I felt warm and comfortable underneath the covers. The smell of this room... those walls, that tapestry with a portrayal of an old tale I used to hear as a child... it was all very familiar.

Redcliffe. I was in the castle, in the same room that I had spent my last night with Alistair... I tried to bury those thoughts, looking once more at the tapestry and focusing my attention on it. The red headed maiden that sat on a rock had fiery eyes and carefully tugged at her skirt, hiding her right foot underneath her. The valiant noble that stood beside her looked entranced by the maiden, completely hypnotized by her gaze as he brushed away the branches that insisted on covering his view of the beautiful woman. Her skin was pale, almost translucent and her lips were of the most inviting red. Irresistible and poisonous, evil in disguise. But men are always willing to go to extreme extents for love, as I remember the tale told.

I wanted to touch the soft woven threads of the tapestry and tried to get the covers off me, the smallest of movements now an exhausting task. I managed to sit up despite feeling pain soar through my spine. It was that kind of gnawing pain, one that is more unrelenting discomfort than sheer blinding pain. I resisted though and got one foot out of the bed. The contact with the cold floor made a shiver run through my entire body but I made the effort to get up, failing miserably as my weakened legs gave in and I fell to the floor.

The door creaked and subtle rays of light shined through as a figure that treaded with careful and silent steps entered the room.

"Oh Ariadne! What are you doing?" Wynne walked in and rushed to me, the older woman making a tremendous effort to help me up and get me back to bed "You shouldn't be out of bed yet. You need to rest."

"How long have I slept?" I asked, surprised by how hoarse and weakened my voice sounded. My throat felt dry and my tongue was like sandpaper against my parched lips. The feeling of fresh water against them was a cherished sensation as Wynne brought a full glass to my mouth.

"A full week."

"And Alistair...?" I asked, still a bit confused over the whole thing and just trying to grasp everything at the moment.

"He has been worried sick." Wynne got up and walked over to the nearby vanity, opening her bag and taking out her poultices "You had us all worried... for a moment we thought we had lost you, child."

She smiled at me and gave me another glass, this time filled with a viscous green liquid. I drank it, the sickeningly sweet smell filling up my nostrils, making me slightly nauseous as it slid down my throat.

"He hasn't been crowned yet, you know. Refused to leave. If it was up to him, he would have been here every waking hour, but I stopped him and had to reprimand him." Wynne sighed and took out some clean bandages as well as an ointment that I had seen her use many times in camp.

My mind felt a complete and utter mess, thoughts and memories jumbled around and I was hardly in the best position to make demands. But I wanted to see him. Oh Maker... how I wanted, _needed_, to see him.

"Wynne..." I flinched when she dabbed the ointment on the wound in my chest, still feeling sore and looking an awful lot like a burn "...can you tell him to come over?"

"Of course." she stroked my hair fondly and picked up her belongings, leaving with that warm smile only she could give.

I felt like a child in wild excitement, as I used to be when father took us to the Spring Festival. I had always been fascinated by the fire breathers and I could still vividly remember the excitement I felt at the thought of seeing them each year, a knot in the pit of my stomach that seemed to flutter like crazy. It was that sort of feeling I had when I heard a knock on the door and then his voice.

Alistair had a huge grin in his face when he saw me, sitting up and awake. He rushed to my side, throwing his arms around me and hugging me as tightly as he could but still in his careful manner, obviously trying not to hurt me in the state I was in. I moved my head back so I could look into his eyes, caressing his cheek and feeling my own lips curve into a smile that would not fade away. Alistair leaned in and gave me the gentlest of kisses, shy even, with a joyous smile on his face.

"Hello." he rested his forehead against mine and looked intently into my eyes.

I couldn't help but chuckle at him and pulled him tighter against me. His warmth was everything that I could ask for at the moment. It was life itself.

* * *

Another week had passed and it was now time to prepare for the journey to Denerim for the coronation. Much of the city was still devastated but it was time to begin rebuilding the kingdom and it couldn't be delayed any longer. Alistair wanted me beside him and I was already well enough to travel but as time passed and I managed to have some time alone with my own thoughts, the little demons of doubt began to whisper in my mind. I still didn't understand why I hadn't lost my life that day in Fort Drakon, as I struck the Archdemon down. I kept thinking back to Riordan's words and couldn't find a single thing that could be an explanation. There was always _that_ possibility... but it seemed too unlikely, or at least I liked to think so. I didn't have any reason not to trust Alistair, so why should I be feeding doubt now? Every time these thoughts arose, I tried to brush them away and dismiss it as simply a happy coincidence. I was alive, we were both alive and we were about to face the rebuilding of the kingdom and the Grey Wardens together. I once more sat on the bed I had lain in for so long and looked at the tapestry that had been my companion on my sleepless nights. I had become entranced with the alluring maiden just as much as the man beside her, her fiery eyes making me feel like I had seen her before, like she had been a presence in my life long before that moment. And that night, while packing my belongings and getting my armor ready, I took one glance at her and walked towards the tapestry to touch it and look at it once more. But as I gazed upon the maiden's soft face and rested my eyes on hers... it clicked. I knew now why she looked so familiar, why her eyes and the fire within them entranced me so. Her eyes were exactly like Morrigan's.

From then on, it felt like a flood of unwanted thoughts surged into my head, every single piece finally falling into place. Morrigan's offer, a way for us to survive the slaying of the Archdemon, the conversation with Alistair and how he left me for a while in his room. He said he was going to meet with Arl Eamon but I distinctively remember him coming into bed deep into the night. Could it be...? Was it even possible that...?

I started walking backwards still staring at the tapestry, my hands shaking and a knot in my throat. I couldn't breathe...I tripped and fell heavily onto the bed behind me and sat there, staring at the wall and gasping.

"Ariadne... is everything alright?

I was startled and turned towards the door to see Alistair looking at me with a shadow of worry on his features.

"I thought I'd check in on you, to see if you needed any help with your clothes... packing them, of course." he walked to me and laid a hand on my shoulder, the other one tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. I managed to control my own breathing but didn't dare to look at him directly. His touch was so inviting and but at the same time felt like tiny pins burying themselves into my flesh.

"I'm not supposed to be here."

"Don't be silly. You know we can stay here for as long as we like, despite having to travel to Denerim, we'll always be welc..."  
"That's not what I mean, Alistair." I cut him off but couldn't bear to look him in the eye. I knew he was gazing at me, expectant, waiting for an answer "I'm supposed to be dead."

"What-" he was caught off guard, I could tell "Don't say that."

"It's true Alistair. " I shifted slightly so that I was out of his reach "Riordan said that only a Grey Warden could slay the Archdemon so it would be destroyed along with the Warden... I did it. Why am I still here?"

I could barely hear him breathing. I glanced his way and saw his arm tensed up, his hand trembling and balled into a fist.

"Alistair..." I looked up at him, trying to catch his gaze in mine "Is there something you need to tell me?"

I was absolutely terrified for in the back of my mind, I already knew what it was despite a small part of me still refusing to believe it. I wanted so desperately to hear his own words, his voice, assuring me that I was being ridiculous, that it was simply a coincidence. But I knew there were no such things. Alistair stayed silent, staring at the ground and not uttering a single word.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" my own words gouged at my throat.

He finally looked into my eyes, frowning and with his mouth slightly agape, not saying a single word... not that he had to.

"Why?" I grasped the fabric of my garments, trying to make my hands stop trembling.

"I... Ariadne, I-"

"You slept with her! Behind my back! You weren't even going to tell me, were you?" I was quickly losing control of my anger, trying desperately to control it but knowing that my emotions would soon get the better of me. I didn't want to break down, not in front of him, not now. But I couldn't stop the feeling of someone grasping at my chest and holding my heart tightly until I couldn't feel it.

"I know it sounds completely and utterly wrong, but I... I only did it because of you. Because, Maker's breath, you're the most stubborn woman I have ever met."

I could barely believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to believe or even acknowledge it.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You're telling me that you actually did _this_, having sex with Morrigan for me?" I started to raise my voice more than necessary, not caring that anyone could hear us. "What kind of logic is that?"

"Do you think I wanted it? Do you think I wanted to lay with another woman that wasn't you, let alone Morrigan? Well this may come as a surprise, but it wasn't all that easy for me, not exactly a walk in the meadow!" He raised his tone of voice to match mine, his eyes filled with pain.

"But I-" Alistair swallowed hard, his voice lowering, almost a whisper. "I made you a promise."

"So you did the most logical thing and went and gave her a child. A child, Alistair. Do you even have the slightest idea of what you've done? For Andraste's sake, you were willing to give me up for the sake of the kingdom, for politics, but then you go and do _this_! We don't even know what the consequences will be! Did you even think of it through, Alistair? Did you? Did you even consider that Morrigan is a mage, whose mother just happens to be Flem-"

"Don't talk to me as if I were a child!" he snapped, hitting the bedpost with his open palm.

"I wouldn't if you didn't act like one!"

"Do you want to know why I did it? Why I betrayed your trust and went against every single thing that I believe in? Because if I didn't, you'd be dead now. Maker! You barely survived! And you're here, berating me for saving your life! Come what may, Ariadne, come what may we can face it together... I just... " he looked at me, pleading for understanding, his left hand clenched. "...as selfish as it sounds, I couldn't...cannot do any of it without you."

"You don't understand... oh Maker, you simply don't understand."

"What don't I understand, Ariadne? Please do tell me. Would you rather be dead?"

I didn't answer him. Would I? It would've certainly made everything easier and as _it should be_.

"Would you?" he asked again, his voice once more lower, a quiet plea.

I lowered my head and averted my gaze from his, wishing it was all just a nightmare. I couldn't speak, I felt a knot in my throat and gasped, trying to breathe. My tears were threatening to overflow and I always hated to cry around him, especially now glancing at him, I kept wishing in my mind for him to go away. I couldn't deal with this right now, I just couldn't face him.

My lack of a response was all the answer he needed as his shoulders slumped and his eyes teared up, his jaw clenched. He didn't say a single word, simply staring away from me and lowering his head as he turned away towards the door, slamming it with all his strength and leaving me behind, broken. I slid from the bed down to the floor, defeated, not noticing the cold floor beneath me or the tears that stained my face. I was still utterly numb and in shock over the whole thing and my thoughts racing through my head at maddening speed. He didn't know... he had no idea about Flemeth. And it absolutely terrified me.

* * *

I did not sleep at all that night. I kept feeling a pounding in my chest, almost like war drums beating away mercilessly within me. My head felt about to explode and just thinking about what had just happened was enough to make me break down once more. I was still in complete shock after the conversation I had with Ariadne in her room... if you could even call it that. I felt absolutely terrible and disappointed with myself, to have betrayed her, hurt her... I knew deep down inside, if I had been given another chance, I would have done it all over again. The pain I felt from the wounds of battle was nothing compared to what I felt when I had thought she was dead, that it all had been in vain. I wanted to sit next to her, day and night, to be there for her, to listen to her breathe, to be the first person she saw when she opened her eyes, but Wynne had stopped me.

I promised her that I would never leave... despite all the pain I caused her, I made her a promise and when Morrigan presented that option to me I didn't even think twice. I insisted on having the lights out, on making it as mechanical as possible and I felt absolutely disgusting afterwards; the icy cold water I poured over me not feeling even nearly enough to remove her scent from my flesh.

But how could I even begin to think to live, to rule, knowing that she had willingly died for me and I stood there simply doing nothing about it? She was my life and I was nothing but an empty shell without her.

I stormed off and closed myself in my own room, locking the door and weeping as I had not since I was a young boy and sent to the Chantry. I was devastated, like the entire world has just collapsed on me, and a million thoughts ran through my mind. Neither of us were in the proper frame of mind to actually have a proper conversation but to think, that when I had asked her if she would rather be dead she just...no. So when the sun finally came up and it was time to prepare the horses and leave to Denerim, I was less than thrilled with the thought of looking at her, knowing how she felt. I didn't know how to feel, guilty, hurt, offended, disgusted with myself... because despite the pain she was feeling or even the irrational things her anger made her say to me, I still stood by my decision.

I washed my face, trying not to look like a big puffy mess, since that would really be the talk of the town. _Yes, well I saw to King Alistair and he was crying like a little baby, you see._ I had already had my share of humiliation the previous night, thank you.

I didn't even flinch when I heard a knock on the door and one of the servants walked in, making an overly courteous bow and avoiding looking at me directly, something I absolutely _hated_.

"Your Majesty, I apologize but Arl Eamon wanted to tell you that we should leave as soon as possible. I've already arranged for two horses to be prepared..."

"Two? What about for the other Warden?" I cut him off, surprised and yet already fearing what his answer was going to be.

"She left this morning. With the elf and the dwarf."

My heart sank when I heard those words, knowing exactly what they meant but still refusing to acknowledge them. My palms started sweating and once more the rhythmic pounding on my chest began. I knew full well she wasn't on her way to Denerim. She left me. In my effort to keep her with me, I only managed to betray her trust and to drive her away. I gestured for the servant to leave the room and once he closed the door, I swiped the entire surface of my desk in anger, the ink jar shattering against the wall. The black ink ran down the stone surface, beginning to form a dark puddle on the floor. I buried my face in my hands, sinking back into the chair behind me.

She left me. But I wouldn't let things simply end like this. I couldn't.


	6. Still It Has Only Just Begun

_First and foremost, thank you so much to Abydos Jackson and Aaliia for beta-ing for me, helping me with all the little crappy mistakes one makes :p chapter 8 was a right mess so I ended up editing a bit and reuploaded it, so please, please, before reading this go and re-read that one. I'm so much happier with the way it is now :D and hopefully, you'll continue to enjoy the story. _

* * *

I barged in unannounced, with all sense of propriety forgotten. Now wasn't the time for such. Leliana was sitting at her desk, apparently busy with some papers that she shuffled inside a book.

"Where did she go?" I asked, the tone of my voice a little higher than I wanted it to be.

"Alistair wha-" she looked bewildered.

"Leliana, tell me. Where did she go?" I cut her off urgently, knowing that with every second that passed, Ariadne took another step away from me.

"I... I don't know." Leliana sighed, averting her gaze and swallowing hard.

I somehow just knew she was covering up for Ariadne. They'd become good friends over the course of our journeys and even when they disagreed, the bard was still loyal. But this wasn't the time for that, I needed answers and I needed them quickly.

"This is very serious Leliana. Don't... don't lie to me." I begged her, trying desperately to read her eyes, to find something, anything that could tell me where Ariadne had gone.

She placed both her hands on top of the heavy book and chewed on her lower lip while keeping her head down, finally letting out a deep sigh and looking up at me. Her eyes looked moist and she seemed to be clenching her jaw to stop it from quivering.

"I'm not lying, Alistair. She wasn't even going to say goodbye, she simply..." her eyes were clouded with sadness "...left with Oghren and Zevran. Despite being late, I went to her room to discuss a few things and almost ran into the assassin, who was leaving just then. She was packing her belongings... I begged her to reconsider, to let me know where she was headed but she wouldn't tell me."

"I can't believe this..." I rubbed my temples, trying to make sense of everything. Maker, help me... Please.

"Alistair..."

"No, I can't sit around, I-" I desperately tried to sort through my memories for something that could help me figure out her next steps. Where would she go? Why would she leave in such a hurry?

"She doesn't have anything with her, does she? Besides her armor...she'll need supplies. The nearest inn, that's where I should go." I spun toward the door, in a complete frenzy of a panic and my mind focused only on finding her.

"Alistair! What about the coronation?" she stood up, taking a step towards me and frowning.

"That can wait!"

I was surprised to feel her hand grasping my arm to stop me from leaving.

I didn't want to lose any more time but I froze where I stood. She was right... she was so right but I didn't even know anymore what was right or wrong. I had to leave, I had to...

"Alistair! Listen to me!" she begged, trying to make me look at her and force some sense into me. I thought I heard the heavy door opening but dismissed it as unimportant.

"What is this all about?"

The male voice that sounded throughout the room was enough to snap my attention back. Arl Eamon stood in the doorway, looking perplexed at both of us, Leliana's hand still grasping my arm.

"We need to leave now. We have to make haste if we want to get to Denerim in time." Eamon spoke, still looking surprised at the scene he'd encountered.

"I can't, I..." my voice was barely an audible whisper and the young woman's hand was begin to feel like a claw on my arm as her grip tightened.

"Alistair." the Arl walked towards me, his voice calm and yet commanding. His eyes were understanding but I knew very well what was coming.

"I know what happened, the entire castle knows it. But this is not the time. You are king now, Alistair. You have responsibilities and no matter what, you can't simply dismiss your duty to Ferelden. How will you explain this? That you simply left to follow your fellow Warden over a lover's quarrel and decided to overlook your obligations as king? Now is not the time for this. It's a hard choice, but there is no other option."

I felt like a little boy all over again, confined to the decisions made by others for me. I wanted nothing more than to be rid of these two and simply run off to find her, no matter what. But I couldn't dismiss their words and yet I... Maker.

All of a sudden, Leliana came to my rescue and stepped in front of me and looked up at Eamon, putting on her most winning smile, and to add to my confusion, using the sweetest tone of voice she could muster.

"Arl, please do give us a moment, Alistair was simply concerned because he has seemed to have lost an important book which I think I might have found. It'll be only a moment while I search for it, then he'll be on his way!"

My eyes flickered between her and Eamon, not knowing what to make of the unlikely situation. He looked completely unconvinced by her but her whispers of _I'll make sure he'll go with you, just a moment please!_ were enough for him to at least give us some privacy.

I could see the suspicion in his eyes but he eventually agreed to leave. As soon as the door closed, she took my hand and with the other, forced me to look directly at her. I could feel her cold fingers on my face but I didn't react and simply waited for her to speak, silently pleading her to give me the answer I needed.

"Listen to me. Go with the Arl, to Denerim. I may be Ariadne's friend but I am no fool and both of us care for her much more than she'll ever know. She took Zevran and Oghren because she knew they would not try to dissuade her. I instantly knew this when she refused... even begged for me to stay behind! So I decided that I couldn't sit around and just wait and knowing that Zevran had been talking to her, I went to their quarters and _accidentally_ overheard the dwarf asking Zevran why they were going into the city. The city of Denerim, Alistair. They're looking for something, I'm sure of it. When they left, I snuck inside and found these." she turned to her desk and opened the book, taking out the papers I had seen her hiding when I walked in. "They're letters between the assassin and some woman who, among other frivolous affairs, tells him of a man they used to know, that apparently is now in Denerim. They're not recent but... he took these when he went to see Ariadne. It's a far chance, but it's the only lead we have. You can't afford to just be a Grey Warden now, you're king, don't forget that. So seize that chance. Go with Arl Eamon."

I closed my eyes as her words sunk in and as the realization settled, I felt a huge weight being lifted off of me, my shoulders feeling a little lighter and my breathing just a little bit easier.

A little light flickered within my despair, a small shred of hope in the midst of all this. I couldn't help myself when I hugged her as tightly as I could. I had renewed strength and felt slightly more capable of facing all the nobles in the upcoming ceremony, knowing that I just might be able to track down Ariadne. When I looked down at Leliana, her eyes were still moist but a small complacent smile danced on her lips. I squeezed her hand and smiled back at her.

"Leliana, please come with me. I'm going to need some help."

* * *

"I never thought stealing was part of your tactics. It simply adds to your unending charm."

I had grown accustomed to Zevran's banter today my patience was completely and utterly exhausted. What first made me blush due to my curiosity and overly vivid imagination, ended up getting nothing from me but amused retorts that would end up in banter that would make any noble lady flush and faint. But not today. I wanted to clear my mind and get rid of the splitting headache that had decided to assault me, but actually making a cheeky remark seemed like too much of an effort at the time. I squinted at the elf as the unmerciful sun insisted on blinding me.

"We couldn't exactly walk to Denerim. Not in such short time. And it's called _borrowing._"

Oghren had accommodated himself on top of the horse, loudly snoring and looking like he was about to fall off at any given moment. The warm sun and the gentle sway of the horses only seemed to help deepen his sleep.

"You do realize you're not the only one heading to Denerim, yes?" the elf's smooth voice and accent echoed in my ears, the unwanted words forcing themselves into my ears.

I knew exactly what Zevran was talking about. I didn't tell Leliana where we were going but still... there was always the chance of running into Alistair or anyone else, for that matter. The coronation was to take place in a couple of days and he wouldn't... _couldn't_ miss it. But even so, he couldn't exactly run around the city mindlessly looking for me, not in his position. And to ask the guards that would most likely be with him, to do that... he was smarter than that, to let private affairs get in the way of his responsibility... or at least I hoped he was.

"I know." I sighed and put my hand over my eyes, trying to shield the sun away from them. "But I don't have much of a choice, now do I? I have nowhere else to turn and if this man manages to do as you say..."

"He does. He usually dabbles in the more... _futile_ aspects of divination, if you will. I remember many of the women at the whorehouse would often save up their hard earned coin just so they could know whether it was that week or the next that a dashing young knight would come to rescue them from their life as whores. Of course he did that for the riches it entailed, but when needed, he is as accurate as one could want. For the right price of course. Let's only hope that he'll be there... although I've always remembered him being quite resilient, despite all the odds life threw at him. Disasters, natural or not, never seemed to get in his way."

"Do you think he'll be able to do anything with this?" I rolled the ring that Morrigan had given me between my fingers, hoping that it would be my salvation and my compass in this chase.

"We'll see." he looked at me, the light reflecting off of his bright hair as well as casting shadows on his tanned features. "What if you run into our friend, the templar?"

"I don't want to." I quickly replied, not even thinking of how foolish my answer sounded.

"It's not a matter of wanting. Sooner or later, you will have to speak to him about what happened. And I don't mean the child."

I stared at the distance, focusing my attention on the path ahead of us and the tree branches that offered much needed shade along the path. Despite the circumstances of our meeting and his usual lecherous attitude, Zevran had quickly become a friend, someone that could read me from the inside out without the need of a single word of mine. The night before, after Alistair had left, he had come to my room without the pretense of false comfort, but simply with a gesture of friendship, sitting beside me and wiping away my tears.

_"Those are not needed, they only serve the purpose of showing your weaknesses. Remember our assassin training? Besides, your mar your beauty with those swollen eyes."_

Due to his usual less than serious ways, he was the last person that I expected to comfort me and lift me up but there he was, giving me the strength I needed to pick myself up and carry on with what I knew I had to do.

"I know. But at the same time I... I can't stop thinking about them. Together. It sickens... revolts me."

I could feel his eyes on me, giving me a sympathetic look. I didn't want to talk about all of this, not right now and despite appreciating his sympathy, I didn't want pity. I wanted to be strong, to be able to focus on the task ahead and thoughts of Morrigan, naked, panting and writhing on Alistair were the last thing I wanted to have filling my mind.

"You're not undressing me with your eyes, now are you?" I asked Zevran playfully, forcing a smile.

He snickered and raised an eyebrow at me, giving _that_ look that I was accustomed to and that, as weird as it may sound, felt more familiar and _comfortable_ than his previous look.

"Always."


	7. No Rest For The Wicked

_Thanks to everyone putting me in their watch list, favourites and what not. Much appreciated (: also (enter shameless begging) if you liked it, if you loved it, hated it, have an opinion on something about this or simply want to give a shout out, please oh please do leave a review. Every single opinion is cherished and more than welcome (:_

_Yes I'll stop my shameless begging now :p and as always thanks where thanks is due :p also sorry to Aaliia, I'm just impatient :D still want your opinion ^^_

* * *

It took us a few days to finally arrive to Denerim. Almost a month had passed since the final battle against the darkspawn and despite the city still being in poor shape, the rebuilding was progressing quite quickly and most of the townsfolk were busy in their daily affairs. A lot of streets were closed and scaffolding covered many of the buildings. Even in the midst of this, there were decorations and flowers throughout the entire city, that was preparing for the arrival of King Alistair Theirin, with plenty of idle chatter filling the streets. It was common to pass by a couple of women who had stopped from their way to the market to discuss the exciting news.

_I hear he is quite handsome!_

_He is single, isn't he? Oh he should get married then... right here in Denerim, imagine that! How beautiful it would be!_

Despite trying not to let it betray my sloppy mask of indifference, I couldn't help but feel my stomach twisting and turning with every word of these gossiping hags. I didn't know him as the King... I knew him as Alistair. Sweet Alistair who had sworn eternal love to me. Dear Alistair who had gone and slept with someone behind my back, _for my own sake_. Alistair who was King of Ferelden and had no place in his life for me.

Zevran caught me staring at two women who kept on babbling about possible suitors for the King and soon I could feel his hand on my arm and his voice whispering to me.

"Let's go to the Pearl. Away from this rabble."

I more than happily complied, trying to hold in the pieces of my fractured mask.

When we finally arrived, it was almost dusk so, taking the care to keep ourselves hooded and to keep a low profile, we headed into the brothel. The relief of finally being able to stretch my legs washed over me when I dismounted and gave the reins of my horse to Zevran who started to settle them in the stables, while I walked towards the entrance to arrange for a room, still getting used to the feeling of actually _walking_, and not bobbing up and down on the less than comfortable saddle. The thought of having some privacy to myself and being able to indulge in a hot bath and sleep in an actual _bed_ was quite the inviting thought, although one that I would've to deny myself at the time, particularly considering that money wasn't exactly abundant in my pockets, at least not for more than one room.

Despite the quickly oncoming nightfall, I could see a very young boy wandering around the entrance of the establishment while munching on a piece of bread, which all by itself was quite out of the ordinary, considering the reputation of the place, especially since the little boy looked like anything but the kind of hood rat one would expect around here. I tried to ignore him and simply walk inside when he decided that it would be best to go to where I was coming from, bumping into me. I immediately noticed the pouch on my waist feeling much lighter, so as quickly as I could, I turned around and grabbed the little weasel's wrist.

"I didn't do anything ser! I'm just a poor boy! And human too! See?" he pointed to his ears as if not being an elf gave him an excuse to escape punishment.

I leaned down and pulled him towards me, leaving his surprised face only an inch away from mine, the knife he held trembling along with his hand.

"My money." I took away his knife, pocketing it, and kept staring at him.

"But I'm hungry ser!" he whined, trying to pass himself off as a poor street boy. But with his well groomed hair and clean clothes, the little twerp managed to do nothing but annoy by trying to pass me off as a fool.

"Now." he pulled the coins he had taken and placed them on my stretched hand.

"All of it."

He reached into his pocket and turned it out to show me it was empty, giving me back my stolen coins. I released him and took one small copper piece and threw it at him, which he caught with quick reflexes.

"You didn't see me around here, alright?"

"Yes ser! Thank you ser!" he uttered, running away as fast as he could.

I sighed and pulled on my hood, covering a bit more of my face, and pushed the door to the inn, the loud noise of laughter and drunken cheering hitting me like a tidal wave. The place smelled of ale and sweat. Hardly a desirable location to spend the night, but it was the best that could be arranged. Despite the never ending commotion, discretion was key since none of the Denerim nobles wanted for people to know of their little _escapades_.

Tonight seemed like a particularly busy one so I had to push my way up to the counter to finally reach Sanga, the proprietor, who was extremely busy laughing her way through the joke of one of the drunken patrons that sat in front of her, clearly looking like he'd had enough for the night.

"Do you have any rooms available?"

Before she even had the chance to speak, I cut her off "To simply spend the night, I've been travelling with my servant and we need to rest."

"We only have one room available tonight. As you can see, we're quite full and the girls have their hands quite busy. It's on the ground floor and it's not our best room-"

"It'll do." I placed a few sovereigns on the counter and pushed them towards the woman. She took them quickly and shoved them into a pouch strapped to her waist, taking a key from under the counter and passing it forward.

"Of course."

As Sanga turned to the nearby maid and told her something about a keg in the back, I turned on my heels and went outside to call Zevran and Oghren. After the final battle, everyone had to make a living as they could and Sanga used the property as an inn on the slowest nights to make ends meet... this wasn't ideal but neither of us could do much more that day but simply get some rest and a decent meal. There were plenty of people but the big crowd also helped in passing by unnoticed, especially since massive amounts of ale and wine were involved and in the morning no one would remember just another wanderer.

When I got outside, Oghren was leaning against the splintered wood of the stable wall and Zevran looked extremely concentrated on both his nails and his dagger's point.

"Oghren, it'd be best if you could sneak inside... Zevran can easily pass as my servant but a dwarf is a bit harder to explain... and the less anyone sees of us, the better. If someone came around asking for the girl with the elf and the dwarf... well we don't want that."

"Where is the room?" he asked "I'm not exactly all nimble like grasshopper over there. Not too keen on the idea of having to sneak in like some sodding thief..." the dwarf looked visibly annoyed by the idea.

"I'm sorry, but we can't exactly risk leaving loose ends..." I tried to explain my reasoning to Oghren, who eventually seemed to be somewhat appeased. Or perhaps he simply smelled the ale from inside.

"The room is on the ground floor, don't worry. We'll get in and open the window for you."

With a nudge in the ribs, Zevran took the hint and slumped, leaving his usual poise at the door and entering with his hooded head lowered behind me, without even attempting to meet the eyes of any of the extremely well endowed _friends_ of the patrons. The maid showed us to our room and, as soon as we got in, I bolted the door shut and opened the window, whistling and watching out for Oghren, who took no time to appear underneath the sill and lifting his arms to be hoisted up by us. Once we were all in, I shut the window and closed the drapes.

Zevran threw himself on the bed and let out a big sigh, putting his arms behind his head and looking at us with hooded eyes. Oghren began to put his things on a corner and to prepare his bedroll to finally get some rest. I started to remove my armor and prepare to do the same when I noticed Zevran had already fallen asleep, sprawled on the bed.

"I guess he gets the bed..." I sighed, unpacking my covers and laying them on the ground, sitting on them and removing my boots, relishing the relief it brought. The dwarf had already laid down and covered himself, his battle axe carefully on the floor beside him and his armor still on.

"Oghren... you're going to sleep like _that_?"

"Yes. Better safe than sorry, I always say." he grunted, rolling over to his side.

I slid down onto my back and rested my head against a rolled cover. Hardly the most comfortable way to rest, but the warmth and comfort of having a roof over one's head made it an entirely better experience than camping. I could hear Zevran's heavy breathing as he slept and I let out a sigh myself, trying to close my eyes but feeling like an invisible hand forced me to keep them open. I placed my arm over my eyes and tried to allow sleep to take me away, but with no success. My constant sighs of frustration seemed to get Oghren's attention, as his voice startled me.

"You know Warden, if anyone knows anything about being betrayed, that would be me. Branka didn't exactly play with a full deck, if you know what I mean. But at least _he_ did it for you and no one else. Don't forget that."

I stared at his back, surprised at his words and feeling my throat tighten.

"Now go to sleep, don't make me get you passed out with alcohol. It's _my_ sodding stash! Don't wanna waste it for nothing."

I didn't say a word. Deep down I knew he was right but at the same time... I couldn't stop the feelings that insisted on flooding my heart. I covered myself up to my neck and nuzzled against the blankets, trying to force the sight of Morrigan and Alistair away from my thoughts. I kept trying to understand his side, what it would feel like to see him die at the top of Fort Drakon, right in front of me, powerless, helpless... But in the end, all I wanted was some honesty, even if it hurt. Alistair had done it behind my back and if I hadn't confronted him, he still wouldn't have told me. And then there were the inevitable consequences... but that was the only thing that mattered now. Morrigan, a powerful mage, was with child... a child with the soul of an Old God. Not only that, her mother was Flemeth and the whole range of possibilities that it entailed were hardly pleasing to imagine. I couldn't let myself be bothered by my feelings of condemned love. I had bigger things to worry about. I had to find her.

* * *

_"You know, I didn't quite expect our foolish almost-templar to be so... proficient... between the sheets. Apparently the both of you have spent much more time together than I thought... so I can hardly say it was an unpleasant experience."_

_Morrigan lounged on a chair across mine, twisting her hair in her finger with a devious smile dancing on her lips._

_"But even so, he still lacked some finesse so I taught him a few things here and there... you can thank me afterwards."_

_"Why are you telling me this?" I could hear my voice and yet my lips did not move._

_Her expression changed and she parted her lips slightly, placing her finger on the side of her cheek._

_"Oh yes... I forgot... you two are not together anymore, now are you? To think that the very thing that brought you together would ultimately tear you apart. Oh the irony..." Morrigan stood up and turned her back on me. _

_"I guess he'll be able to use it on the next one. I'm sure she'll be a very happy woman... indeed."_

I woke up startled by one of Oghren's loud snores right next to me, make me jump on my makeshift bed and whisking me away from the Fade and Morrigan. I could still feel my heart thumping against my chest and my hands shaking. I took a deep breath and pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to regain my sanity.

Despite Oghren's thunderous snoring throughout the night, I had been so exhausted that I eventually fell asleep, after finally managing to clear my mind. Even so, dreams of Alistair insisted on poisoning my sleep, taunting and tormenting me. The inn seemed to be completely silent, the party from last night surely having taken its toll on the participants.

Zevran was already awake, packing his own things as quietly as he could. I sat up on the covered floor and noticed that daylight still barely shone through.

"Good morning."

"Good morning, my fellow traveler. It is quite early, but it would be the right time for us to leave, wouldn't you say?" he turned to me with a smile, while he rolled up his covers.

"Yes, hope you slept well too." despite the much needed rest, my back felt stiff and less than reposed.

"Ah yes... I apologize for that... but I only wanted to _test_ the bed and my exhaustion got the best of me. Not that there was anything stopping you from joining me, now was there?" Zevran sat down, putting his belongings aside and patting the bed with a sly smile.

"Zevran..." I got up, starting to fold my covers as well. "Do you know exactly where we can find this Zagor?"

"If he is nearly half as successful in his business as he was in Antiva... someone around here must know him. I suggest we ask one of the maids."

"Alright. Wake up Oghren, he'll have to leave the way he came in, preferably before the rest of the folks in the inn begin to wake up... I'll see if I can get any information."

I finished putting on my armor and reached for my cloak, quickly doing my hair into a messy braid and putting my hood over it, offering me a safe shield against prying eyes. I unbolted the door and quickly closed it behind me, noticing a man slumped on the floor outside one of the rooms, with an empty bottle of liquor beside him. I quickly walked through the hallway, feeling watched with every step I took, despite knowing that everyone was still pretty much asleep, just like the man outside my room. As I entered the main room, I approached the young girl that was busy cleaning the bar counter and who hummed a simple folk song with a melodious tone in her voice. The sound of rattling glass against wood made me look over the counter, allowing me to see the little boy I had encountered the night before, sitting cross legged on the floor next to the maid, spinning an empty bottle and wiping his nose with the back of his hand. _The snotty little..._

"Excuse me..." she lifted her head up to look at me, quickly shuffling away the rag she was using. "I am new around the city and I was wondering if you knew a man by the name of Zagor... I've had people tell me back home that he can tell the future and you know..." I smiled at her and lowered my eyes, pretending embarrassment. "I wanted to know if I would ever get married to my betrothed... it was so hard to leave him behind but since father really needs those fabrics..."

"Oh of course I know Zagor, miss!" the maid's high pitched and excited voice resonated through the room.

"I normally don't tell this to anyone but I tend to usually go there with one of the... _bedroom_ girls. I haven't been there in a while, you know, things being rough and all..." she rubbed her hands on her apron, leaving a yellowish stain on the already not _all that white_ fabric. and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. "His home is near the market square, on an alley right behind the blacksmith, you really can't miss it! Although I don't know if he'll be home, everyone's getting ready for the coronation, you see. The king will be arriving today and we're all so excited, well I know I am! I mean, after everything that's happe-"

"Ah yes... yes... thank you." I quickly cut off the young maid, fearing that her excited banter would retain me for longer than I wanted "I'm... the room was lovely, I need to leave now, thank you again!" I quickly ran back to the room to get my things and left hurriedly with Zevran on my tow.

* * *

Even though it was still very early in the morning, the streets were already quite busy with all the commotion that is akin to a market as well as the added event of the coronation that was to take place that day. My stomach kept doing flips inside of me but I tried to keep my composure as we looked for Zagor's home. I had a bad feeling gnawing in me... and I couldn't shake it away, no matter how hard I tried.

It turned out though, that luck was on our side since, as we walked the back alley near the blacksmith the maid had told me about, an old and withered looking man stood near a doorway, throwing the contents of a basin on the street. Zevran seemed to recognize him as he quickened his pace and called out to him with his thick Antivan accent, to which the man looked up and gave him a toothless smile.

"My oh my, do my eyes deceive me? Is it really little Zevran, you scoundrel?" the elf didn't say anything and merely gave him a hug, his lean constitution towering over Zagor.

"And you brought friends! Oh it has been a while... please do come in!"

He led us inside into a narrow hallway, gesturing us to wait and slowly walking into the first door on the right. The air was heavy and it smelled of incense and... something else, something putrid. He finally appeared at the doorway and ushered us into another room. A big table with a marble slab was against the furthest wall, blood dripping from it and a recently skinned rabbit sprawled on top of it, while the not so fresh corpse of a chicken had been left against the wall. The coppery smell of blood and the foul stench of putrefaction filled the room and I couldn't hide my disgust. Even so, I sat down on the chair the old man pulled for me, ignoring my pre-vomiting expression, as well as two others where Zevran and Oghren joined me.

"Zevran... it has been quite a while!" Zagor placed a hand on the elf's shoulder and once again smiled, the flickering light from the nearby lamp shining on the man's bald head.

"Quite a while... you have grown quite a bit since the little cheeky elf who used to sit under my table to eavesdrop on the blushing little ladies I consulted... either that or look up their skirts, I never really managed to know which one it was..."

"And you Zagor, how have you been since Antiva? I'm glad to see you found a place in Denerim but with all these templars running about-"

"Oh I have ways little Zevran, you know that. And what better time to make a quick sovereign than in this time of uncertainty..." he offered us a strange brown liquid which I quickly declined but Oghren gladly accepted, gulping down the contents of his mug like it was water.

Zagor sat down on the other side of the table in front of us and laced his fingers together. I now noticed how one of his eyes was completely blank and yet seemed to be more attentive than the other, making me feel like the air had suddenly become colder.

"But now... you didn't come here for a nice little visit, have you, little Zevran?"

"Sadly no, my friend. You see, my fellow lady here had a request and I knew you were the one to help us."

The old man turned his eerie gaze to me and coughed, waiting for me to speak.

"I am looking for someone." I said, lowering my voice, intimidated by the whole atmosphere that involved the room.

"Do you have something of this person?" Zagor started to drum his fingers against the desk, seemingly impatient.

"Yes I do." I took the ring out of the string that I used to keep it with me, hanging by my neck. He rolled it between his fingers, picking at it with a long, claw like fingernail and finally smelling it, taking a deep breath as he did..

"Hum... not ideal but let's give it a try. But first..."

He motioned with his hand towards the table in front of him, gesturing for Zevran to place the appropriate payment forward. When the elf opened the bag of gold and emptied its contents in front of Zagor, a smile formed on the man's lips and he turned his attention to what I had given him.

The old man placed the ring beside him and turned around reaching for a jar on the top shelf, removing some dry bones from it and tossing them on the bowl in front of him. He poured wine over them as well as some leaves and the innards that he had apparently reserved from the rabbit I had seen before. At that point I was beginning to doubt Zevran's faith in this man and think that we were paying a pretty penny for nothing more but a theatrical cooking session, that is until Zagor took a bottle of muddied water and seemed to begin to pray over it, as he closed his eyes and grasped the container tightly, while whispering on the bottleneck. After a few seconds, the old man opened it and poured it all over the concoction. The smell that rose from the heating mixture was almost unbearable and it caused my nostrils to itch with the foul stench.

"Clatto... verata... nicle!" Zagor spoke the unknown words that suddenly made the mixture start to boil and a small bone inexplicably jump from it and hit the old men in the forehead with a dry thud.

"Agh! I always get that last one wrong..." he claimed in an exasperated manner, waving his hands about. "Well, nevermind. Clatto verata nicto!"

This time, the foul concoction once again started to boil as well as releasing a cloud of smoke that slowly filled the entire room and enveloped us in its sickening atmosphere. I shuffled closer to Zevran when I saw the small, frail looking man suddenly opening his mouth and inhaling all of the smoke as if it were nothing more but thin air.

"Ah yes... you are chasing a woman, I see. Not what I would expect..." he raised an eyebrow at me and gave me a sly, toothless grin. "With child, as well. A powerful child though."

"Ah yes... but you are not only the hunter, you are also a prey. A young man. He is quite near, actually."

I shivered when he mentioned Alistair but still tried to appear calm, something that had started to become a habit. Lying to myself, while pretending to lie to others. I dreaded the thought of our paths crossing in Denerim and to hear he was _chasing_ me was enough to make me start fidgeting my thumbs.

"I want to know where I can find the woman." becoming nervous with my own fidgeting, I closed my fists and I felt my fingernails burying themselves on my flesh, the pain being a welcome distraction.

Zagor closed his eyes once more and started to take deep breaths, which rapidly became heavy and made the fragile man look like he was about to topple over. All of a sudden he stopped and opened his eyes, fixating them on me.

"Snow... a buried tower. Library. She seeks Lorroth."

I had heard many stories of the lost library of Lorroth, buried within the snowy peaks of the Frostback Mountains. Many claimed it to be myth but the same people claimed Andraste's Ashes were nothing but figments of a wild imagination...

Zagor looked exhausted as he reached to a nearby goblet and, trembling, drank from it, threatening to spill the contents of it before managing to down them.

"I apologize but that is all I can give you."

"It is more than enough, thank you my friend." Zevran leaned in and placed a hand on top the old man's hand, who was leaning against the table for support.

I stood up and bowed at Zagor, thanking him. We finally had a lead and there was no time to waste. We had a long journey ahead of us if we were to get to Morrigan. I had no idea how we were going to find the lost building of legends but apparently, Morrigan was also still trying to find it, so that could buy us some time. Zevran once again hugged the old man and bid him goodbye, as we hurried outside.

Time had flown by as the sun was already high in the sky and the commotion was even greater than before. We left the alley and entered the market square, noticing all the agitation near the entrance to Arl Eamon's estate, with quite a few royal guards standing by the gate and keeping the flock of people at large. One of the balconies had also two guards and from afar, I could see Arl Eamon walking into the balcony and looking towards inside, seemingly gesturing to someone in the room and finally turning to face the crowd.

"People of Ferelden, I give you, your King!"

A familiar figure stepped through into the morning light, shining armor and an unsure arm raised. Alistair.

I felt a knot on my throat as a surge of thoughts seemed to force they way through, into my mind. I knew he hated this kind of formal ceremonies, let alone one focused on him. What if he stuttered? Or stumbled his way through? Or worse, lost his words completely? I should've been there to help him, to assure him that everything would be alright and that he would as good as he did when he gave a speech to the troops nearly a month before. I stood there, motionless, unaware of the crowds cheering and pushing past me until I felt a hand grabbing my arm and pulling me away.

"Warden! We have to go! _Now_!"

I let Oghren drag me away from the crowd and tried to regain some sense. I couldn't... not now... I looked at Zevran and he gave me a reassuring smile, as he started to walk steadily towards the city gates. I desperately wanted to look back but eventually didn't. I could not falter now and I certainly could not simply let an ill-timed sight shy me away from my goals. And even despite my determination, my heart insisted on wanting to force me to look back. But I didn't, because if had done so, I knew I wouldn't have been able to leave.


	8. Now or Never

_As usual, thanks to everyone that follows this and adds to their favourites, etc etc, ad nauseum :p much appreciated. Also thank you so much to Abydos Jackson. You've been a huge help (:_

* * *

The cheering of the crowd outside was deafening and I could still feel the surge of adrenaline rushing through my veins. This felt better than killing a dozen darkspawn, better than raiding the larder deep in the night, better than... well not better than _that._ But despite the exhilarating feeling, I had to admit I was slightly surprised at their reaction to my poor excuse of a speech. Was this blind affection for the son of their great King or was I really that great? I retreated inside and glanced at Leliana, hoping to have some reassurance that would surely come in the form of a smile. I had managed to step into royal shoes and the fit wasn't as bad as I thought... but true enough, the life of a ruler wasn't entirely made of speeches and crowd adulation.

Noticing Eamon's back turned to me, I signaled Leliana and hurried, trying to leave the room before anyone could notice...

"Your Majesty?"

Too late. I let out the breath I was holding and held myself with a hand on the doorframe, the bard standing in front of me trying to look over my shoulder.

"Yes Eamon?"

"Your Majesty..." I could hear Eamon's footsteps on the wooden floor so I finally turned to face him. All the rush I was in was no excuse to actually be _rude_ to the man. Just slightly impolite.

"I understand you must be tired but there are a few affairs and documents I need you to look over... preferably today, if you will."

I could most definitely tell that these documents that needed my careful observation were simply an excuse to get me alone. He had the distinct look of having just caught little itty bitty Alistair fumbling about in the cookie jar. I knew I had responsibilities and I knew I had much work ahead of me but how could I even be the king they wanted me to be if I simply forgot about Ariadne? Before everything, before being King of Ferelden, I was a Grey Warden and if I did throw it all away by trying to save Ariadne... I had to find her. For her. For us.

So I complied and motioned for him to follow me into my quarters, leaving Leliana in the hallway looking pretty much like I had just grown another head. After letting Eamon enter first, I widened my eyes at her and hoped she would get the message and not only wait for me, but maybe... just maybe, come to my rescue. Not only did I stumble over myself at times, when words were involved, apparently I was terrible as well when it came to body language. But despite getting it or not, before closing the heavy door, I saw her mouthing something at me.

_Amaranthine..._

Less than confident and still trying to make sense of what Leliana had said, I closed the door behind me and began to feel the little devilish imps that insisted on trampling and kicking my stomach around.

I leaned against the door, trying to stifle the whirlwind inside of me and to regain some focus by looking at Eamon. Good old Arl Eamon, with his regal grey beard and more noble manner than I ever hoped to have. Good old Eamon, who was ready to knock some sense into me, even if it meant beating me merciless with it.

"So..." I wished I could reach into my throat and untie that nasty knot, "...where are these _documents_ you wanted to show me?"

He remained silent for a while, making the whole thing look like a staring contest which I lost miserably as my eyes suddenly felt the terrible, irresistible urge to lock onto my boots. Very nice boots, indeed, but not worth all of the attention I was giving them.

"Alistair." he closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Alistair... it would not be wise to simply leave at a time like this. You can't leave the people unattended. You cannot be the King who took the throne and ran-"

"I'm not running." I stepped away from the older man and managed to look at him, feeling my fists clenching. I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of words, trying to grasp the right ones, that would convince Eamon that I was taking the right path and there was no other option. But to simply blurt out that I had slept with the daughter of the Witch of The Wilds (with just a little hint of blood magic mixed into it), and that the other only Grey Warden in Ferelden had run off to Maker knows where, weren't exactly on my plans. Not to mention, that Warden probably had deep, seething feelings of hatred towards me. As crazy as my motives were, they were my kind of crazy and I was King. And a King can do whatever he wants. Or so I tried to convince myself.

"Aren't you? There is great responsibility in taking this throne, Alistair. You may have gained the favor of many nobles at the Landsmeet, with the help of your fellow Warden, but that trust and confidence in you may soon falter if you prove the fears of the ones that stood with Anora."

"What should I do, Eamon? Stay and be buried under piles of paperwork and marry a nice noble girl whose only interests lie in oh-so-pretty ribbons and dresses? I was thrown into this... king business thing. If I'm going to do it, I'll do it my way and that doesn't entail sitting around waiting for things to happen."

"Then tell me, Alistair, what will you do? You're leaving Denerim... then what?"

I struggled for words, knowing that once more I was stumbling over myself and with the fact that Eamon was basically telling me _how to begin my ruling_, I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty. I tried to reason with myself, going over and over how the royal life of luxury, banquets and intricate political affairs were so not what I wanted. The fickle success I had in my speech before wasn't enough to make me feel less than a fish out of water. And I wouldn't be surprised to see a frying pan sizzling in my future.

Eamon was right, the nobles did put their trust into me. Like Eamon and Ariadne did. Was I failing them? Was I truly turning my back to my duty as king, by running off after someone who had gone to the extent of simply leaving me without a single word?

"I'm not... leaving forever. I know what I have to do, I must..."

I could not stop thinking of Leliana outside and how I desperately wished that the bard would just burst into the room, break out into song and somehow dazzle Eamon for just enough time for me to run off and not worry about all the consequences of my departure. I could still see her forming silent words before I closed the door on her.

_Amaranthine..._

Something clicked in my brain and I felt like slapping myself silly for being the daftest man to walk on Ferelden. Stupid, stupid Alistair. You're a Grey Warden. Amaranthine was given to the Grey Wardens, who aren't exactly thriving in Ferelden... I wacked myself mentally and tried to still my own voice before addressing Eamon, excited as a little chantry boy after finding a not so proper picture book.

"I am still a Grey Warden. And as you know, our numbers were heavily damaged after Ostagar. One Warden can only do so much so, before I commit myself fully to Ferelden, I must first do the logical thing and aid Ariadne in recruiting." I took a deep breath and looked the older man in his eyes, trying to transmit some reassurance that this was indeed the path to take.

"Once we have a few joining to our ranks, I'll be able to return... I owe this to Duncan."

I knew full well I wasn't telling the truth and by the look in his eyes, so did Eamon. I felt something twisting in my heart by lying about such a thing and particularly using Duncan's name to do so. I only hoped he would understand why I was tainting his memory in such a way. _I need to do this, Duncan, I'll make up for it. I promise._

"Amaranthine."

"Yes."

"The right of conscription?"

"Yes."

He clenched his jaw and looked at me, clearly trying to take in what I had just said, rubbing his beard with one hand and silently observing me, the air becoming so thick with tension that it could easily be sliced like an unaware genlock. Time felt like it had slowed down and we stood there for what seemed like hours looking at each other. Not being able to bear it any longer, I broke the silence.

"I'm not worried Eamon. I'm leaving Ferelden in your hands, how could I be?"

He opened his mouth but before he could speak, I raised a hand and cut him off. "From now on, you're my First Chancellor. My second in command. I just... I need to do this Eamon."

"You are truly your father's son, Alistair."

In my mind, I still felt that at any time, I would be nine years old again and Eamon would give me another sermon on taking responsibility for your actions. But what I saw instead was understanding, compassion. He knew I wasn't going to aid in the recruiting and he knew I was aware that I wasn't fooling him. Even so, there we stood, dabbling in lies, afraid that telling the truth would make it all real and crumble. I was infinitely grateful when he pulled me into an embrace and patted me on the back, accepting my decision. I couldn't help but sigh with relief and muttering _thank you_ over and over. We parted and again we simply stood there, no words between us as they weren't needed, not anymore. But I had to depart so I took a step backwards and prepared to take my leave.

"Thank you, Chancellor. I'm counting on you." I smiled at Eamon and hurried out of the door, almost bumping into Leliana, who was against the door, a little closer than necessary.

"Uf... Alistair!"

"Let's go."

"Is everything alright?" she tried to make me look at her but I couldn't stop now. Not now.

"We'll talk later. Get your things, we're leaving."

* * *

Much to my chagrin, we waited until dusk began to arrive, since during the day, there was too much commotion in the streets for us to look peacefully for the man mentioned in Zevran's letters. I made sure to cover myself and, by Leliana's suggestion, we headed to the Pearl. I was more than a bit uneasy when we arrived. Not many people would recognize me as Alistair the King, but even so I couldn't underestimate the terrific eyesight of some people. True, the balcony in Eamon's estate didn't exactly give anyone a good look, but enough knew who I was for me to be willing to mess up my hair and wear a cloak like some roadside thief.

"I really, really hate to have to go around like this." I muttered under my breath, just loud enough to reach Leliana's ears.

"We don't have much of a choice. Many people already know who you are." the bard walked alongside her horse and pulled her cloak against her neck, her breath visible in the night air. "Besides, you are most _definitely_ your brother's sibling... so it wouldn't be all that hard to recognize you."

"What? Are you talking about my royally good looks?" I couldn't help but grin and stop in the middle of the street, puffing my chest and giving my best to look like Mighty King Alistair, slayer of darkspawn and just dashing man all around.

Leliana walked back a few steps and elbowed my ribs, making me lose my poise altogether.

"Oh alright then... " I sighed, beginning to walk once again. "This whole secrecy might be fun... although... it'll probably be for nothing once you start to get the urge to yell _Alistair!_ when you catch me running around in my smallclothes... me being the leader and all."

"Oh right." she started to giggle and I could already _hear_ terrible, awful, evil thoughts brewing in her head. "We might just have to get you a fake name, then. Nor Majesty, nor Alistair would do. And no," I swear by the Maker, the woman must read my mind. "_Lord of Larders _most certainly will not do."

I could hear her trying to stifle the laughter in her voice and couldn't help but let out a laugh as well. We had been walking for a while, heading to the Pearl, by Leliana's suggestion and I was more than uncomfortable with it. The conversation was a much needed distraction and helped to soothe the nerves that insisted on forcing me to constantly look over my shoulder while I kept tugging on my hood.

The fact that some little kid decided that the outside of a whore house was fitting enough to play, also didn't help with my ever increasing paranoia.

"Well hello miss! Do you have anything to help a poor boy?" the child approached Leliana, while I stood back, pretending to tend to the horses.

"Well, I-"

"I'm so very hungry, miss!" his pleading puppy dog eyes weren't enough to fool anyone. Only a short-sighted fool... no, make that a man with his eyeballs _removed_ and a serious case of dementia... only such a person would believe that this well groomed boy would ever be begging for food.

Leliana kneeled, leveling herself at the boy and giving him her best smile. Oddly enough, resembling the smile she gave at Eamon back at Redcliffe. Yes. _That smile._

"I'll tell you what... your name?"

"Roderick, miss!"

"Roderick... like I said, let's make a deal. You see, I'm looking for someone and you might just be able to help. I bet you know a lot of people, don't you Roderick?"

"Yes I do, miss!" Roderick's chest swelled up with pride and he grinned at Leliana, a few teeth missing in the front and giving the brat an even more shameless look.

"Well then, that's what I wanted to hear. Roderick, I'm looking for a woman who might just be looking for someone called Zagor. Would you know anything about it? Tell me what I want to know and I can give you some food, like you asked." Leliana's voice, low and discrete, sounded just like honey pouring slowly from a spoon and right into the boy's ears.

"Ah yes, a lady! The pretty lady... the pretty, mean lady." his brow furrowed and he crossed his arms, finally flashing a toothless smile at the bard. "But it'll cost ya. I can't really accept food since I'm allergic to some things and all and..."

His nonstop blabbing ceased once Leliana put a small silver coin in his hand "...and she slept here, she was with a tiny... _dwarf_? Yes, dwarf and an elf too!"

I turned my head slightly to where the boy and the bard stood. A woman, an elf and a dwarf. Quite the unusual threesome... who else could it be but her?

"And she was looking for...?" Leliana inquired, trying to get some more information out of the boy and making my impatience grow by the second.

"Well, you see a silver can only buy so much foo-" I couldn't bear to listen anymore to the kid so I stomped near them and grabbed him by the arm, his eyes widening with surprise.

"Listen here, you little brat! You're not extorting us out of any more coins, the lady here has already given you more than enough. So spit it out already!"

"Ah ah! Let go of me! You're so going to jail! Do you know who I am?" the boy kept squirming about like some deranged squid, trying to break free.

"I'm king Alistair's brother! Yes I am! And when he hears about this, he'll be very mad at you!"

"You're what?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I tried with all my might to keep my concentration on not letting the little cretin get away. "You're not only a shameless thief, you're also a liar!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are! King Alistair doesn't have any brothers!" Well, not that I know of...

"I'm his cousin!"

"First brother, now cousin?"

"Adopted cousin!"

"Audric! Will you let him go? Stop that." It took me a moment to register that Leliana was addressing me, before she grabbed my arm and forced me to let go of the boy.

Roderick brushed his clothes and stuck his tongue at me, quickly catching the silver coin Leliana threw at him, finally spewing out with his little venomous tongue what we wanted to know.

"She was looking for Zagor alright. I heard it. He lives down by the blacksmith, in the back alley."

"Thank you Roderick." Leliana gave me a sideways glance, shoving an elbow in my ribs when I began to protest. "That's more than enough."

"Thank you, miss!" the brat once again stuck his tongue at me and laughed, running around the back of the inn.

The bard grabbed my arm and started pulling me towards our horses. I finally gave in and followed her, still fuming and muttering under my breath. "Little twerp... the King's cousin... humpf!"

"Let's go Audric, it's not play time right now."

I cringed at the name once more and looked at Leliana, my voice sounding a little higher than I'd hoped for. "Audric? _Really? _Couldn't you have come up with a better name?"

"Would you've preferred Buckminster?" she raised an eyebrow and tried to stifle a smile, making me cringe even more at the second choice she gave me.

"Point taken."

* * *

The night's cold air insisted on making us feel its presence as we wandered through the back alley that Roderick had told us about. All of the doors and windows were closed and it hardly seemed like a proper option to start knocking on every single one of them.

_Hello, are you Zagor? Do you do ominous predictions for blonde women on the run? No? Thanks then!_

Yes, hardly a suitable option.

As desperation started to set in and I started to seriously consider my initial plan, we heard the creaking of a door's hinges and a raspy, high voice.

"Hello your Majesty, I was waiting for you. Would you like to come in?"

I turned on my heels to see an old, frail looking man standing by the open doorway to one of the houses, smiling at me and motioning for us to approach him. I looked at Leliana but she was already ahead of me, making her way towards the old man. My paranoia wasn't exactly helping as I carefully approached the man as well.

"Ah yes, hum... no need to come in, we're in a hurry and all... you know how it is."

"Yes, I am the one you look for. I am Zagor. You're looking for your prey, aren't you? She was here today."

I could see Leliana touching the dagger that rested against her thigh, putting a few tendrils of hair behind her ear and eyeing the man.

"And you're willing to tell us this? I thought your loyalties were with the elf."

"My loyalties lie with those that have what _I_ look for." he held his robes with a wrinkled pale hand while outstretching the other towards me, his dirty and long fingernails beckoning for me to give him some coin. I stood in my place, transfixed by the strange looking man as Leliana once again took initiative and placed a few gold coins in the man's palm.

He smiled at the bard, eyeing her from top to bottom and making _me_ shiver like that bony finger had just run across my spine.

"Your _friend_..." he slowly turned his head to me and rapidly blinked his left eye, that was white as a pearl, leaving me even more uneasy with the whole thing. "She is looking for another woman, a witch if you will. She is going to Lorroth."

"Lorroth?" I asked, mindlessly."

"But Lorroth is lost, a legend! How is she hoping to find it?" Leliana asked, making me even more confused about this... Lorroth thing, they spoke of.

"Ah yes. But..." he stretched his hand once more and waited before the cold metal touched his skin before continuing, closing his eyes and inhaling a deep breath before opening them again. "She is smart. She is... heading to the nest of the mages. From there she shall seek the lost library."

Zagor turned his head quickly between me and Leliana, finally resting his eyes... _eye_... on me and smiling, making my toes curl.

"That is all I can give you, your Majesty. I would hurry, if I were you. The fox does not want to be caught by the hound." he bowed slightly and before we could utter another word, he disappeared inside, the sounds of heavy locks turning making themselves heard throughout the silent dark alley.

"Well..." Leliana looked up at me, crossing her arms and looking pleased. "Off to the Circle then."


	9. My Silent Undoing

_Thanks to the usual suspects :p and as far as Morrigan's bit goes... that's completely and utterly owned by Bioware. I just decided to play around with it. Enjoy. And as usual... opinions are more than welcome (:_

* * *

"Warden? Are you here with us?"

Oghren's voice made me snap back into reality, startling me from my thoughts. I felt a sudden rush of heat to my cheeks when I realized that I had been staring into nothing like a brainless fool.

"Ah... hum..." I rubbed the back of my neck, slightly embarrassed by both my party members and the merchant staring at me like I had two heads. "Sorry..."

"We will take two of these... three of these and a few of..." Zevran stepped up and took command, leaving me there with nothing but the biggest wish of simply disappearing into the nearest hole.

We had stopped just outside of Denerim, where a few merchants had set up camp to take advantage of the passersby that had arrived to get a glimpse of the King, giving us an opportunity to stock up on provisions. We had a long journey ahead of us and it was best to prepare now than to make unnecessary detours along the way. But the vision I had before, inside the city, still haunted me and I wasn't able to stop myself from acting like a deluded teenager, letting all of it get to me to the point of it being a dangerous distraction. I was usually very aware of my surroundings and extremely observant so when I realized that I had simply slipped into the little world inside my head and dismissed everything else... to call it shame would be an understatement.

Once Zevran paid the merchant and the stocky man started to make way to accommodate the purchases on our horses, I quickly stepped up and took some packages off his hands, more than eager to occupy myself and break away from feeling stared at. I began to try and strap one bag to the side of the horse, but my fidgeting fingers seemed to be against me, managing to only make me let out sighs of frustration. Zevran's hands quickly replaced mine, leaving me there staring down, trying to count every single grain of the dirt on the ground.

"Are you alright?" the elf placed a hand on my shoulder and had a genuinely concerned look in his face.

_No, I'm not. Not at all._

"Yes, I'm fine." I forced a smile and turned my attention once more to the horse, putting a foot on the stirrup and raising myself, with Oghren waiting for us ahead, holding his horse's reins.

I could feel Zevran's eyes burrowing into my back and I knew he didn't buy my little white lie. But my awkward moment was more than enough then and I only wanted to move on before the night began to arrive.

* * *

Not wanting to burden the horses too much, we took turns on travelling dismounted since we had chosen the sturdiest one to carry more provisions, letting it travel by itself to make up for our own weight. After a while, we stopped for a moment by a small stream, to let the horses drink and Oghren mounted, settling himself against the bundles strapped on the horse' saddle. Closing his eyes, the dwarf laced his fingers on each other and rested them on his belly, letting himself slip into a deep slumber. Zevran took his place on foot and now walked beside me, tugging on the reins of the other horse.

I hadn't said a word since we had left Denerim, feeling slightly less comfortable now that Oghren's snoring could be heard throughout all of Ferelden and even Orlais. It was just me, the horses and Zevran... and I knew he had been waiting for the dwarf to be out of the picture, to shower me with less than desirable questions. I pulled my cloak up to my chin and tried to stifle the cold air that insisted on making the hair on my neck stand up. But not the warmest cloak of the world could be enough, when my body went completely frozen when Zevran's voice reached my ears.

"Now now... it seems we are all alone."

"I see quite the crowd here." I focused on the sun that already started to descend the sky into its sleeping place. "Me, you, Oghren, the horses... we're quite the little merry band. Although it hardly seems fair."

"Fair?" he asked, with a hint of amusement.

"Yes. Oghren gets to sleep his way through this, I get to sit up here for the longest and you're down there, when it's getting cold and dark and..."

"Well then I'd say Oghren has it worse off, then. I'm here beside a lovely maiden enjoying her company... and from quite the advantageous point, might I say." His eyes slowly ran up my left leg, lingering here and there before finally resting on my own eyes. _Cheeky bastard..._

As usual, I gave him my you-should-bleach-your-brain look and focused my attention on caressing the horse's mane. Silence fell between us again, the only sound being heard was of the wind rattling the branches of the trees that surrounded us. Everything stood like this for a while, before Zevran's voice again cut through the silence.

"Ariadne, I will ask you once more." the tone of his voice had changed slightly, to an unusual stern one. "Are you alright?"

I didn't dare to look at him. I could feel a knot being slowly tied around my throat and rendering me unable to speak. I rubbed my palms on my cloak, trying to soak up the sweat that insisted on covering them and that made me more than uncomfortable.

"I'm alright."

"I have learned quite a bit about you on this journey, my dear Warden. Not only are you a _borrower_, you also don't like to tell the truth... isn't that so?"

Behind his apparent mocking tone, I could tell there was concern. Zevran had seen me in my most vulnerable state, having offered a shoulder to cry on when I found out about Morrigan. Why would I be shielding myself from him now? I released a big sigh and mustered the courage to look down at him and gather the words that danced around my tongue.

"Fine. I'm not alright. I didn't think... I didn't think it would hurt this much." I bit my lip to stop it from quivering and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Seeing him up there... being cheered by the populace... it made me think that maybe this is how things should go."

Zevran didn't say a single word, simple placing a hand against my calf, a small comforting gesture.

"He is the King and I'm the just the Warden. And in the future of a nation, there is no room for any messes made by this... insanity... feelings... things. The more I think about it, the more I feel that the right thing to do is to simply forget. And yet everything is a painful reminder of him."

"There are ways to forget." Zevran's voice was low and felt like the warmth of a lit fireplace after one being drenched by rain.

"Well, I guess that's why Oghren brought all the alcohol, right?" I tried to give him a playful smile while quickly turning my head away to rub my eyes, looking up at the sky to try and regain some control of my emotions. They were running the show and if I wasn't careful, they'd probably try a coupe and overthrow me completely.

"Well," Zevran removed his hand from my calf and shrugged, that all knowing sly smile dancing in his features. "we can always take care of that first. It makes the other part far much easier."

I couldn't help but smile, thankful that he had decided to spare me from more questions and go along with the detour in the conversation. I looked once more at the sun and closed my eyes, soaking up its last rays for the day. My admission of self defeat seemed to have the effect of feeling like the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. If only for just a few moments.

* * *

Having left Denerim for a while, we travelled for a couple of days, stopping occasionally to satiate the horses' hunger and thirst and to give us a small break as well. It wasn't exactly ideal to make so many stops but it wasn't wise to wear ourselves out by simply pushing onwards. So when the night began to fall once more, we decided to get some proper rest and camp in a clearing that was relatively near the road and yet still sheltered enough for us to camp without much concern. So we set up our tents, started a fire and settled for the night, not before having a nice meal.

While I tended to the pot, trying to make sure its contents didn't turn into overcooked mush, Oghren was busy telling tales from one of his many drinking nights at Orzammar. I could hear Zevran laughing and sharing his own insight as well but now and then, when I looked at both men due to a more _interesting_ piece of Oghren's wisdom, I would catch Zevran looking at me. Any normal person would look away at this point, especially after being caught so many times. But Zevran insisted on _staring_ at me, making sure that I knew that he was observing me before finally turning his attention to Oghren.

Once the food was ready, I filled three bowls and laid out a couple of bottles of wine, letting the two men join me, while we engaged in conversation, eating and drinking. Before I knew it, my bottle was nearly empty and Zevran had barely taken a sip.

"...and after that, the wench actually slapped me! To keep up appearances I guess, since she did a lot more than that, later on. She was really strong that one. And I don't mean arm strength, eh eh..."

After a while, the three of us sat in silence while we finished scrounging up what little remained in the cooking pot, the ravenous hunger that made itself felt after the long weary day, longing to be quenched. I was deeply concentrating on the small drops of stew that sat temptingly in my bowl, gathering them all up with a piece of bread and quickly shoving it in my mouth, almost expecting for it to escape if I didn't. A loud belch broke my concentration and I looked up from my now empty bowl, to see Oghren leaning backwards and rubbing his belly, bread crumbs and remains of stew clinging to his beard.

"Saving that for breakfast?" I asked, pointing with my chin and looking around for some water, _something_ to help me swallow down the massive piece of bread I was trying to chew. I felt slightly dizzy but brushed it off as nothing.

Almost instantly, a bottle of wine was held up in front of me and I grabbed it from Zevran's hand, taking a big swig and finally managing to swallow down. Drinking yet more wine wasn't exactly ideal but my bad habit of stuffing myself and having nothing more than alcohol to avoid choking to death on food, didn't really give me a choice. I slid down a bit from the log I was sitting, not minding the cold dirt beneath me, and imitated Oghren, rubbing my swollen stomach and finally looking up at Zevran.

"Yes, yes, I know. A lady like myself shouldn't talk with her mouth full."

A devious smile danced in his eyes, although his lips didn't betray him as he crouched down and closed in his face towards mine, while I held my hand against my mouth, trying to suppress a hiccup. I felt his breath against my cheek for a moment, before his voice came to me in a whisper.

"You know I would never say anything bad about a _mouthful_."

Despite being more than used to the shameless innuendo, I couldn't stop the blood flowing up to my face and my hand that quickly slapped him on the shoulder, making him laugh and snatching away the bottle from me, finally standing up and taking it to his smiling lips.

"You dirty, dirty elf." I looked at him with the angriest, fakest look I could give him, Oghren's laughter already echoing in my ears.

"Like you didn't know that already!" the dwarf kept on laughing, while he lazily stretched to his side, to grab his nearly empty bottle. "The assassin's _always_ dying to get in your Warden-y armor and toss around your grapefruit!"

Oghren wasn't exactly the most shy member of our little group that gathered against the Blight, but from his... _colorful _metaphor, I could tell he was building up his way into an alcohol fueled bliss. And the heat that insisted on burning my cheeks wasn't all due to embarrassment, I drank my fair share as well... although in all due honesty, it didn't take much for it to have an effect on me.

Turning my attention once again to my bowl, I bit my lip and refused to give into laughter. Despite being the object of such lewd comments, I couldn't help but be amused by the silliness of these two. And every single drop of amusement in their voices was enough to make my spirits lift up a bit and almost make me forget about my predicaments. _Almost_.

_Alistair wouldn't be too keen on that comment..._

And with that single little line of thought, my spirits would come crumbling down all over again, a painful reminder of the happier times we spent in camp, despite the adversities we faced. Where, amidst the healing of wounds and the cleaning of darkspawn blood, laughter and songs could still be heard.

_"So... lots of polishing tonight?"_

_"What?" Alistair looked at Oghren, slightly bewildered._

_"Yes. I know your pain though, kid. Branka used to be keen on making me clean up my own weapon as well..." the dwarf patted him on his leg, making Alistair jump at the contact._

_"But, I-" he furrowed his brows and was visibly looking for a hole to hide himself in "I've always cleaned up my own weapon, I-"_

_"Yep," Oghren patted Alistair once more, and started to walk towards his own tent, already wobbling slightly and slurring at the former templar "thought as much."_

My thoughts were, thankfully, dispersed by Zevran sitting down beside me, placing a red bag on his lap and carefully undoing the knot that held it closed. The dark fabric was opened to reveal a bottle with a clear, green liquid, which he offered to me. I accepted the small, well manufactured glass container and removed the lid, taking it up to my nose and feeling my eyes burn as well as my nostrils itching. In a less than well thought out move, I brought the liquid to my lips, immediately frowning when the slightly bitter taste mixed with the burning of alcohol reached my tongue.

"Not so fast, my fair, yet not so well mannered, maiden." the elf reached into the bag once more and removed an equally intricate piece of glass, as well as a strangely shaped silver spoon and a small bottle of what looked like water. He also picked up a small pouch, which he set on his lap, opening it as well and removing some of the white crystals inside with the silver spoon.

"I seriously hope you didn't buy that. Sugar isn't exactly expensive... no, wait... cheap! Well, nowadays." I could hear my own voice slurring a bit and I knew then and there that maybe, just maybe, I'd had a little too much to drink. But the allure of the green liquid inside the beautiful glass bottle dismissed any reservations I had.

"I never mentioned buying it. What did you call it... ah yes, _borrowing_." His brown eyes shone with the orange tint of the fire and a hint of devilry on them.

"Drinking absynthe is like..." he grasped the glass and carefully placed the spoon with sugar on top of it. "...making love."

"Slowly and carefully you must add some sweetness to appease the bitter dragon... letting the water calm its flames, even if only for just a moment..." he let the water pour, drop by drop, from the small flask into the spoon, letting it in turn pour into the green liquid.

"This way..." he raised his eyes up to look at me, his cheeks slightly flushed as well, perhaps from the heat of the fire near us "... you can make it last. A careful touch, a twist of the hand, adding to an already exquisite experience."

Zevran finished his ministrations on the small glass, placing the instruments aside and raising the container to his eye level, observing the cloudy liquid that seemed to invite itself to be drunk.

"And then... ecstasy."

He offered me the glass and I hesitated at first to pick it up, finally letting my fingers enclose it and bring it to my lips, the taste from before having been replaced by something different, something bewildering and alluring. I let my tongue savor a few drops, before deciding to take a bigger swig, letting it slide down my throat.

"Oh just down that damned thing already!" Oghren got up with some difficulty and stumbled our way, taking the glass from my hand "It's alcohol! It's meant to be drunk, not played with!"

And with that, he downed the entire contents with a single movement, spitting almost immediately and scowling at Zevran.

"For the Stone! Ruining perfectly decent stuff! Sodding elf!"

I couldn't help but start laughing, a giggling fit quickly taking me over and making tears run down my face. My full stomach started to hurt but I simply couldn't stop myself from laughing loudly at the very obviously annoyed elf and dwarf.

When I managed to calm myself down, the world already seemed to want to play and twist around my head, which was only made worse by trees wanting to suddenly be upside down when I tried to get up. I sighed and tried to wipe away that stupid, stupid smile from my face that just wouldn't go away and... by Andraste's knickers, that was some strong stuff...

I could see my tent and decided to walk there, well, _stumble_ there and get some sleep before I was led on into drinking more and making the next morning absolute torture. I didn't hear the footsteps that hurried to me, only acknowledging Zevran's presence when his hand touched mine, making me stop while the world kept moving.

"I thought you would like to be walked to your tent, since the green fairy has obviously been doing some of her mischief..." I couldn't tell if he wanted to help me to go to sleep or to just get a chance to get me out of my clothes.

"Ah I don't need you to walk my tent to me, I mean...it's right over there!"

He chuckled and I could feel his hand caressing my cheek, the light reflecting on his hair that seemed quite bright that night, especially with the moon insisting on dancing around the sky. Despite my state, I still held my conscience and stepped away from him, removing my hand from his, when his face dangerously came close to mine.

"Don't." I stumbled, taking another step backwards and looking towards my tent, wishing that it could indeed walk to me and hide me away inside of it.

The elf's face didn't betray any emotions due to my refusal, as a small smile crept up to his lips and he slightly bowed his head, preparing to take his leave.

"I apologize. It is indeed the undoing of the green fairy, wouldn't you say so? Good night."

I kept staring at him while he walked towards the fire, unsure of the words I should say, unsure of what had just happened. After a few moments, I finally got to my tent and crawled inside of it, not bothering to cover myself and simply lying on my bedroll.

Alcohol had the effect of amplifying any emotion within me, whether it would be by making me laugh uncontrollably or just make me sob like a small child. I could already feel tears welling up in my eyes and finally running down my cheeks. Morrigan filled my thoughts and I could hear her voice in my head, her fiery golden eyes sympathetic and yet berating me. I could still see her in camp, conversing with Leliana whose brow was furrowing at the mage's words.

_"Love is a weakness. Love is a cancer that grows inside and makes one do foolish things. Love is death. The love you deem of is something that would be more important to one than anything, even life. What I know is passion. The respect of equals. Things far more valuable that I'll not speak to you any further." _

Her words resonated within me and in my drunken stupor, I couldn't stop myself from almost agreeing with her. The words spoken so long ago seemed to hold a truth I had refused to see until now. Was she right? The chase I had engaged in seemed to be more than proof of it. And yet here I was, crying in my tent... having the opportunity of having both the passion and respect she spoke of and yet refusing it. I rolled on my side and wiped my face with my covers. I had to get some sleep for we still had quite a few days of journey ahead of us. Every day was a new day and I was determined to not let any more of them end in sorrow.


	10. Restless

_AN: As usual, thanks where thanks are due (: _

* * *

_"__Please don't ask me how I feel  
You don't want to hear  
The doubt I'm already in"_

_Restless by Asrai_

* * *

The room was dark and even with the dim light of the only lit candle, I could barely make out Alistair's shape next to me in the bed we lay in. His hand was against my thigh, lightly caressing my skin as it slowly slid up to rest on my waist, while his mouth searched for mine. As I exhaled, a deep moan escaped from my throat, his lips smiling against mine.

"I love you, you know that, don't you?"

I smiled as well and sighed against his collarbone, trailing it with light kisses.

"I love your eyes... you ebony hair..."

_Ebony hair? But..._

"I love you, Morrigan."

* * *

I woke up startled, sitting up and trying to inhale as much air as I could. Small beads of sweat ran down my back and my hair was pasted against my forehead. The tent was beginning to warm up by the heat of the rising sun but my sweaty clothes, along with my armor made me feel cold and uncomfortable. I rubbed my eyes and felt my hand shaking against them. I was trembling, losing control even and now, not only were these...nuisances poisoning my thoughts, but also my dreams.

I sat up only to flinch as I felt like I had just been trampled over by a dozen ogres. Sleeping with one's armor on was most definitely _not_ a good idea. I couldn't even imagine how Oghren could do it, let alone wake up the next morning like he had been sleeping on clouds. Although that would explain all the drinking... even so, with my sore muscles and wounded pride, I decided to crawl out of my tent and try to get cleaned up, hoping that some cuttingly cold water would be enough to drive out the drivel that insisted on living in my head.

When I finally managed to gather up the courage to stick my head out of the tent, I was greeted by the sun shining right in my eyes and reminding me why I really shouldn't drink as much as I had the night before. But foolish is as foolish does and as much as I wanted to roll back into my tent, curl up into a tiny ball and hope to die, we had wasted enough time. We had to get moving again and I needed to get the grime and sweat off of me.

As I started to drag myself outside, a mostly unwanted voice cut through the air.

"Good morning. Feeling well today?"

I dropped my head and stood there, on all fours still halfway inside the tent, trying to think of something to say or just the best route to start running away from camp. But Zevran simply stood there, surely with a smug smile on his face and I really, _really_ wasn't in the mood to face him. Not after the night before. And especially not after the nice surprise I had in the Fade.

"It's not that I don't appreciate your... position, but the sun is quite beautiful today. I'm sure you could appreciate it much better if you didn't try to find yourself a hole in the ground, my dear Warden."

_Shut up shut up shut up..._

"Yes well that's all very nice but... I wanted to get cleaned up before we get moving. Which should be soon." I muttered while forcing myself to stand up, shielding my eyes from the sun and trying to avoid Zevran's gaze.

"Cleaned up? Oh..." His saddened tone of voice made me look at him, disappointment tainting his features. "I did offer to walk you to your tent but to think you'd decline and then have your fun without me... I am quite hurt, if I may say so."

And then there it was. That lecherous smile. Those lustful eyes. His overall I-want-to-get-in-your-sweaty-pants look. So my heels heeded to my headache and my nauseous stomach and quickly turned to the nearby stream, making me walk away as fast and yet as calmly as I could from the elf. I was not in the mood. Most definitely _not_.

"Ariadne, wait!"

Curiosity made me stop. There was something in Zevran's voice as he called out to me... something that wasn't there very often. I couldn't quite make out what it was but the strangeness of it made me turn slightly, the single task of turning my neck feeling like a task of epic proportions.

"Ariadne..." His voice once again resonated within my name, again with that intriguing tone I had heard before. "I apologize."

I wanted to ask him to say it again, fearing I hadn't heard it properly but I only managed to stand there, mouth agape and squinting my eyes.

"It is very clear you are not feeling well... and I apologize if I have helped towards that discomfort." There was no smile on his face, not a slight hint of mischief in his eyes.

"You were obviously not in a proper state last night and I was..." Zevran sighed and took one quick glance at the ground, perhaps looking for that same hole I was searching for. "...foolish to act the way I did. Take care of yourself, I will begin to prepare things for our leave."

And there it was, that slight tinge of something that bothered and yet intrigued me... he wasn't being his lecherous self nor was he being sarcastic... he was genuinely apologizing... it was _regret_. Despite our friendship and his support of late, this was still something new and I was still dumbfounded as he simply turned his back and began walking towards his own tent.

I knew Zevran respected me, as a fellow warrior perhaps but I did not expect this from him. I knew he could very well be a gentleman but I was more than used to his attitude towards me consisting of nothing but well crafted innuendos and I genuinely thought the alcohol fueled night would be brushed off as nothing more than that. But... he acted like I was a poor helpless maiden of whom he was about to take advantage of. This was surely different and as with all things different, it made me extremely uncomfortable. I liked to know what to expect, surprises were most definitely not to my liking and now... now of all times, that I needed some reassurance, something to help me keep my sanity, this happens. What would be next, Oghren doing my hair?

Well, if anything, the little surprise surely took my mind off my nightly terrors. Managing to break out of my surprised state, I sighed and dragged myself off to the stream, hoping that it would help me to focus on something other than men and their complications. It didn't.

* * *

The quick bathing really did nothing to improve my spirits as I sat still on my horse and remained silent through our travelling. Oghren's loud voice could be heard throughout the forest although one could very well consider it an improvement, when you think of his usual snoring.

"And you managed to bed a dwarf without getting her drunk first?"

"Yes, my fellow smelly Oghren, I have. Sometimes alcohol is not needed. A light caress here, the right word there...if I learned anything in the whorehouse is that, sometimes, people are simply... needy, and they try to fulfill the void in their souls with various pleasures. So what better way to take someone into my bed, than to appeal to that lonely place inside of them?"

Often I would look at my party members and follow their conversations, having this time fallen upon the mistake of looking at Zevran. His words felt all too familiar, the look he gave me... not so much. He turned to face Oghren and his expression changed, raising his eyebrows and grinning.

"Call it comfort, if you will."

"False comfort, no?" I shut my own mouth as quickly as I opened it and concentrated myself on the small spot between my horse's ears. I did not dare to look at Zevran once more.

"Eh," Oghren shrugged. "call it what you want, I still know what I'll be getting. And she probably won't feel very comfortable while at it."

His laughter echoed through the thick silence that had settled between me and Zevran. I could feel his eyes on me but I kept my gaze still. For once, I didn't know where I stood with the elf and I wasn't at ease with it _at all_. What did he want from me? A night well spent? He did say that assassins take their pleasures where they can find them... but with Alistair out of the picture, his apology felt so odd, so out of place for something that before would've been brushed off as just another night... I couldn't help but be bothered by it.

* * *

As nightfall approached once more, we stopped and began to set camp again. I always hated when we were forced to stop but Lake Calenhad wasn't all that far now and hopefully we would reach it in one more day. After the entire day travelling, we surely could use the rest. Once more, the three of us shared a meal, although this time I was less than eager to socialize, takung my leave to my tent as soon as I could. But when I sat up from my place by the fire, Zevran quickly caught up with me and stood in my way. He looked very much like his usual self, his sly smile and the confidence in his eyes but, despite the familiarity of this, I couldn't shake the anxiousness that surged over me when I saw Oghren retreating into his own tent.

"I believe you have been avoiding me."

"No, not really." I kept looking at everything but him, drumming my fingers against my thigh.

"Yes you have. But despite your apparent desire to stay away from me, I needed to speak with you."

Startled at his words, I couldn't stop myself from staring at him, trying to think of something to say but failing miserably as he stretched out one hand and grabbed my own. I felt him placing something there and closing my fingers over it, smiling at me while he slowly withdrew his hand from mine. As I looked into my palm, I saw a single gemmed earring, a dark sapphire dangling from intricate silverwork. I was mesmerized by the beautiful piece of jewelry but confused as to why I had been given this.

"I acquired it on my very first job for the Crows. My target was a merchant prince and that..." Zevran's eyes laid on the earring, a strange tenderness in them. "was all he wore. I have kept it ever since as a reminder of the occasion. It is very dear to me... and I want you to have it."

"Zevran, I..." I kept opening and closing my mouth, having been caught completely off guard. _Surprises, damned surprises._ "I can't accept this."

"Yes, you can. You... you have done more for me than anyone I've known." His eyes were fixated on mine, his voice lacking his usual confidence and showing a Zevran I didn't think I would ever know. "You have offered me life when anyone else would kill me, you have offered me friendship when all I was to give you was a blade through your back. You have offered me your trust. Therefore, this is the least I can give you."

Before I could say anything, Zevran quickly turned on his heels and began to walk away, leaving me bewildered, looking like a fool with the earring in my hand and my jaw dragging through the floor. Finally managing to break away from my frozen state, I gathered my own voice and forced it out.

"Zevran!"

He stopped and turned slightly back, an expectant look on his face.

"Thank you."

A smile appeared on his lips, not the smile I was used to get from him but the smile I saw when I offered him the Dalish boots. Happiness and gratitude. A different Zevran was being unveiled right in front of me and I had absolutely no idea of how to deal with it.


	11. Rescue

The night sky was just beginning to be painted with strokes of morning light when I felt a coarse hand on my shoulder, waking me up. Lazily, I began to open my eyes until I forced to open them completely, being now properly shoved around.

"Warden, wake up, let's go."

"What, what..." I finally opened my eyes only to see Oghren now standing over me, his foot taking his hand's place in trying to wake me up.

"Let's get moving. You told me to wake you up."

I rubbed my eyes and rested my hands over my face, allowing me to look at Oghren through my opened fingers. All I wanted was to roll over, forget about the dwarf and snuggle in the bedroll. Waking up more tired than when I went to sleep was becoming all too common now, as the soles of my feet felt sore and my legs as heavy as stone.

"I did?"

"You did. Now get up!"

"Alright alright! Go away! I'll be out in a... minute..."

"You'd better be. Or my boot will be making another visit." Oghren lifted his foot above my face and circled it around menacingly while I tried to shove it away. He finally left with a taunting smirk, letting the tent's canvas flap fall behind him.

After the rude awakening, I couldn't do much but begin to gather up courage to just get out of bed and get on with another day of travelling. We were nearing the Circle tower and the prospect of finding everything or even nothing on Lorroth, made me uneasy. I stretched out, trying to tell my body to wake up as well, resting my arms over my head. In my laziness, I glanced to the side and caught sight of Zevran's gift from the night before, stretching out one arm to reach it. The lack of light didn't allow me to see the glimmer of the carved silver and the shining sapphire dangling from it but I could remember it from last night, how perfectly it was dilapidated and turned into a beautiful piece of jewelry.

But despite its obvious material beauty, I couldn't help but smile at it for other reasons. Zevran's gift. I was still trying to come to terms with the oddness of it all, of Zevran giving _me_ a gift without seemingly expecting anything in return. Or so I tried to convince myself... after all jewelry was widely regarded as the ultimate wooing gift, was it not? I immediately scolded myself for the thought and placed down the earring. Despite our rocky start, Zevran had been nothing but loyal to me. Assassination attempts and lecherous comments aside, the elf could've run off at any time, not being forced to face the Blight head on, but he did. Even when offered a chance to return to his old, comfortable and familiar ways, he chose me over Taliesen. He offered me his sympathy and allowed me to confide in him, to wallow in my sorrows while doing nothing more but comforting me. He even agreed to follow me into this maddened quest, with hardly a lead to follow through.

I had made valuable friends during the hardships of the Blight, none would be forgotten and I would always cherish both their friendship and memory. But I could not also forget that, against all odds and anticipations, the one who seemed most likely to, in the end, betray me for nothing, was the one who stood by my side through thick and thin, not once questioning nor judging me. I was still very much a noble child, oblivious of the ways of the world and going on what I had read from the various books in Highever's collection. It was so easy for Zevran to look down on me as nothing more than a spoiled child, an easy or even challenging bedding, but even with all his innuendos and shameless flirting, he had been there when I needed him. And that was more than I expected, let alone could ask.

A noble child... a child indeed. In the midst of my uncontrollable temper, I became blinded with murderous visions of Morrigan, of hatred, hurt, feeling betrayed by both a friend and my love. I was so eager to leave, to seek her out... _to get away from him..._ that I did not care about _them_.

**

_"May I...?"_

_The familiar voice resonated in my ears and I tried to place where I knew it from. It had been too long and that tone... that voice... it seemed so distant, so far away and yet it was right outside my room. The heavy wooden door opened just enough for a dark haired man's head to come into sight, warm eyes looking at me and a joyous smile lighting up the room. My voice was caught in my throat and I could feel tears running down my cheeks, resting on the corners of my mouth. Disbelief prevented me from speaking and all I could do was fisting the fabric of the sheets that covered me._

_The man walked into the room and closed the door behind him, walking to the bed and sitting beside me, still staring and seemingly also in disbelief, although he obviously hid it much better than I did. I forced myself out of my daze to throw my arms around him, not caring about the pain that soared in my chest, holding him as hard as I could, in fear that he was nothing but a vision that would fade as soon as I opened my eyes. _

_"Fergus... oh Fergus! I'm so sorry! Forgive me, please, please..."_

_"My little sister..." he stroked my hair as I sobbed on his shoulder, forcing my eyes closed and babbling nonsensically in my desperation. I could not shake off the feeling that this wasn't real, that despite the Blight being over, this was only a figment of my imagination, designed to torture me._

_"I did not look for you, I wanted to, I tried to, I... Fergus, I left, I wanted to fight, find Oren... Oriana... Please! Please forgive me..."_

_He grabbed my shoulders and carefully pushed me away from the embrace, caressing my face as I drew gulps of breath in the midst of my sobbing. I kept my eyelids clenched, not wanting to open them and dispel the illusion. As he called out to me, I finally began to open them and saw him... there... truly in front of me. Fergus was there with me, not an imaginary figure, real and alive. His eyes were also brimming with tears and his voice drowned in them._

_"Sister... You have nothing to apologize for. You're a hero. I am so proud of you."_

**

I missed Fergus, I truly missed him and yet I did not think of him once after finding out about Morrigan and Alistair. In my own sorrow I had turned into a selfish brat... even Dog, my loyal mabari... who Wynne said stood by my door so many nights, only waiting to finally see me. I left them behind without a word and I did not even know whether or not Dog stayed in Redcliffe, if he was being well treated. I could only hope that Fergus would see to it but, despite us being on the road for so such a short time, I already missed them and regretted my decision of leaving so abruptly. I found myself wallowing in self pity more often than not and not only it was distracting me, it was also breaking my spirits. The grand Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden. Crying herself to sleep, homesick and broken hearted. Quite the sight to behold.

"Warden! My foot is getting restless! Get your ass out of the tent or I'm gonna do some boot polishing!"

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" I yelled, sitting up on my bedroll and reaching for my boots, scattered at the far back of the small space.

It was going to be a long, long day.

* * *

Having been a few days since we last stocked up on supplies, the horses were much lighter and our journey much steadier. All three of us were mounted but even so we travelled in a light gallop to save both ours and the horses' strength. We always had a few moments of silence but as of now, aside from Oghren's self muttering and monologues, Zevran's voice was not heard once and, now and then, I'd look back just to make sure he had not wandered off. His eyes would cross mine and he would simply give me a weak smile and continue to look at some distant point up front. I had made the decision to not let the few nights before affect me but, despite Zevran having accused me of avoiding him, he was doing the exact same thing to me. And it was, to put it lightly, annoying me to death.

I tugged on my horse's reins and slowed down my pace to meet Zevran, galloping by his side and nudging him on his tanned arm.

"I never took you to be the silent type."

"After all this time with me, do you even have to ask that?" His lips curved into a smile at my attention but his eyes had a quizzical look on them.

"Well... you're quite talkative but right now I can almost hear myself think... it's hard not to notice the change."

His eyes met mine and quickly drifted off once more. I was getting the urge to force him to stop and slap him silly, asking him who he was and what did he do with the perverted elf that travelled with me. Anyone else would've been more than happy with Zevran's sudden quietness, but for me, it was an unwelcome change... because this type of sudden changes spell nothing but trouble.

"Zevran... is anything b-"

A sudden scream cut me off and made us all stop where we stood. A female voice continued to scream in panic as a few male voices began to be heard throughout the forest. Zevran looked around attentively, trying to trace the sounds.

"What-"

He raised a hand, motioning for us to be quiet while Oghren dismounted slowly, setting his feet on the ground as silently as possible. The dwarf's hand reached for his axe, gripping its handle tightly and taking Zevran's lead, as he motioned for us to follow him. I stayed slightly back letting the elf take the lead, for his skills in stealth were undoubtedly much better than mine. I tried to make my horse walk as steadily as I could, while Zevran lead his own horse through the trees into a part where the terrain was slightly higher, giving us an advantage point. I could not sense any Darkspawn in the area but even so, I didn't feel any less uneasy.

Zevran suddenly stopped and crouched behind a pile of rocks, motioning for me to come closer. I gave Oghren the reins, whispering for him to guard our backs and the horses, and lowered myself while I walked towards Zevran, cringing at every dry leaf that crunched under my boots. When I finally reached him, I hid behind the rocks as well and looked towards the place where he pointed at with his chin. I could see a few figures... guards... grunts, handling a black haired woman who had an expression of panic while the men laughed loudly between them. She was thrown back and forth like a rag doll, visibly bleeding from one bare leg. I could not tell if her garments had been ripped or if they were truly that revealing but that did not matter as they were, in the bottom half, covered in blood.

I looked at Zevran, trying to tell him that we should not simply stand there, watching this macabre spectacle idly but he grabbed my arm and forced me to stay while the man mocked the woman below. Finally, one of the other men threw her on the ground while she cowered against a tree, frantically looking around as if looking for something, finally widening her eyes at the man in front of her, who began to undo his belt. Zevran's hand released his grip on me and I immediately stood up, unsheathing my sword and carefully, yet quickly, running down the small hill from where we stood.

The ruckus of all the dust and of my boots sliding down the terrain made all of the men instantly stop and stare at each other. They thought they were in a safe place but the woman, who I know saw was an elf, crying was more than enough to betray their position. The man I had seen undoing his belt turned to me as well, looking bewildered like I had just fallen from the sky. I could hear Zevran's voice in the distance and in a moment he was casually walking up to my side, poisoned dagger in one hand and short sword on the other.

_One...two...three, four..._

For a few moments we stood there, me and Zevran, four men that looked like guards and their leader, in complete silence, sizing each other up, still trying to make sense of what had just happened. Were we bandits, assassins, wanderers?

"This does not concern you, sers." The man's hoarse voice dragged a bit, with a common accent that betrayed his condition as nothing more than a peasant playing soldier.

"I was walking by, enjoying the nature..." I gripped my sword and ran it across the dirt beside me, tightening my grip around its handle. "... when a few unpleasant screams ruined it all for me. Therefore, yes, _it is_ my business."

"Do reconsider. We are five skilled men of arms. Hardly a fair fight this would be, and for a knife-ears, of all things. Besides, the wench deserves it." The soldier wiped his nose roughly with his hand and spat on the female elf, who seemed to shrink even more, while the other men around him laughed.

"Five ill-prepared recruits really aren't much when you compare them to hordes of Darkspawn. Yes, I do agree. Hardly fair."

The man's scowl changed quickly into a serious shadow, exchanging glances with one of the men beside him that began to twitch nervously. He raised his chin and looked at me as if I were a maggot, even so scrutinizing me and trying to make sense of my words.

"Talk is cheap, ser."

"Not when the Grey Wardens are involved."

The twitchy man began to tug at the leader's arm, in his eyes no confidence and a desire to run away.

"Ser... ser..." The man reflexively fended off the twitchy one, taking another glance at the elven girl on the ground.

"Ser... she's... she's a Warden, ser. They say she killed the Archdemon... ser..."

The leader's jaw tightened at the other man's words, clenching his fists and not removing his eyes from mine.

"This elf must be punished. She was caught stealing from the treasury..."

"She was rambling through our pouches, she was..."

The bigger man looked at the twitchy one and fulminated him with his eyes. "...as I said, she was caught stealing. This must not go unpunished."

"Since when were Ferelden's punishments for thieves along the lines of rape and humiliation?"

"We have nothing but the utmost respect for you, Warden. But this is our job, do not interfere."

Again, we stood silent while staring at each other. I could not simply take the girl with me, swords blazing, while slaughtering these soldiers. Right bastards they were, despicable excuses for human beings, but as a Warden... as Ariadne Cousland, I could not withstand to do such a thing. But I could not let this woman be taken away, only to suffer and possibly be killed only a few miles along the road. Zevran must've sensed my indecisiveness, as he took a step forward and began to speak, only to be my turn to make sure he stood in place, by grabbing his arm.

My eyes were drawn by movement and I saw the girl inconspicuously removing a dagger from the boot of the man that stood in front of her, getting up albeit crouched, her eyes beginning to glow a fiery blue and flames caressing her lashes while spreading to the sides of her face. A mage... a thieving mage. A sudden thought jolted through my mind and I spoke quickly without thinking it through. A crazy idea, but with no other way in sight, I had no choice.

"I invoke the right of conscription."

I could feel everyone's eyes on me, the girls' widening in shock although one could tell relief had managed to let her release some of the tension she was in, as she held the dagger tightly in her hand and the flames in her eyes quickly receded.

"She is a criminal!" The leader's face was reddened with rage and he clenched his fists even more, yelling in his outrage.

"Criminals, low lives, scum, honorable, whoever they are, they can be chosen to be part of the Grey Wardens. This is not a request."

The man was fuming and two of his soldiers unsheathed their weapons, making me uneasy as I felt I was about to be forced to trek a road I did not want to. But the angered man lifted his hand and dropped his head, staring at the ground, muttering under his breath before facing me once more.

"Fine, Warden. Have her. We shall leave without any more commotion."

Begrudgingly, the men began to leave behind their leader who shot a glance backwards at us, while Zevran sheathed his weapons and walked towards the girl on the ground. She eyed him suspiciously, still clutching to the dagger in her hands. I stopped the elf from moving further and looked at him, grabbing his arm once more.

"Zevran... let me."

I kneeled down next to the shivering girl and stretched out my hand to her. She didn't drop the dagger, holding it in front of her, with the skin of her arms riddled with scars that formed strange symbols. Zevran stood silent, looking at the both of us, seemingly uneasy with the bloodied, evidently disturbed woman.

"I'm Ariadne."

Her jaw trembled slightly and her gaze jumped from me to the elf, finally letting go of the dagger and slowly stretching her hand to meet mine, blood and sweat covering her fingers, barely a pale shade of skin showing beneath it.

"Erline... call me Erline."


	12. Trust

_This one took a little while longer... life got in the way :p as always, thanks where thanks are due (: _

* * *

"Call me Erline."

I grasped the girl's hand and gave her a reassuring smile, letting her know that she was now safe, among friends. She was still trembling, her grip still slightly unsure as she timidly looked into my eyes.

"Zevran, go and warn Oghren. We can't go just yet." I turned once more to the girl sitting in front of me and moved a few tendrils of dark hair that clung to her forehead. She didn't flinch, allowing me to feel that she trusted me.

"You're safe, Erline. Now, let's take a look at those wounds."

**

An hour must've passed by as I tended to Erline's injuries, trying to clean the deep gash in her hip as well as I could. She had probably been wounded while trying to escape, but aside from wincing from time to time, she didn't speak a word. After cleaning both her leg and her hands, I stood up to let Zevran stitch her up. My only knowledge of tending to wounds was limited to what I had just done so I left the more meticulous work for him.

I stood next to her, kneeling, not wanting to break the trust that the elven girl seemingly had deposited in me. Not a sound came from her mouth, but I felt her grip on my hand tighten as Zevran stuck the needle in her flesh. She covered her face with her free hand and frowned at the pain I knew she was surely feeling. We all stayed silently for what seemed like an eternity, until finally Zevran pulled out his dagger and cut off the thread.

"There. I recommend using a poultice now... it wouldn't do much good if this were to become infected."

Zevran never betrayed his emotions nor let them get the best of him. It was who he was trained to be, who he ultimately was. But after spending so much time with him, I could tell that he wasn't very comfortable around the young girl. My overactive imagination immediately created mysterious assassin affairs through which Zevran might've met the girl, bizarre events, something to explain his uneasiness. But as he stood up, his mask fell once more into place and with it, my thoughts crumbled away.

Oghren was leaning against a tree and looked impatient, from time to time, trying to take a sip from a now obviously empty bottle, only increasing his frustration. I could hear him muttering under his breath but ignored it as I got up as well and helped Erline onto her feet. Once again I noticed the strange scars on her arms, quickly covered by a cloak, before I could inspect them further. While I was tending to her injuries, Erline kept her arms crossed, almost as if hiding them, even the arm from whose hand I was holding, shielded away against her breast. Even so, the frailty in her eyes and the way she stood helplessly against those men did the trick of dissipating my suspicions, if only for a few moments.

"Are we gonna stand here and look pretty or are we going to get going?" Oghren kicked impatiently at a rock nearby, looking more than annoyed.

"The Circle isn't going anywhere, Oghren." With these words, Zevran turned his gaze to Erline by my side, the word _Circle_ eliciting quite the response from her, as she once more cowered in fear, gripping at the cloak around her body and her eyes widening in horror.

"C-circle...?"

"Is there something wrong? Yes, we are heading to the Circle."

Erline started to backtrack, her head frantically looking about, panic surging through her when she bumped her back into a tree and felt suddenly trapped.

"I... I can't go, I... Thank you, but I have to-"

"Erline..." I carefully took a step forward, trying not to make her feel anymore trapped than she already did. "I am the Commander of the Grey Wardens... you have been conscripted... whatever it is you're running from-"

"No! I can't go!"

Her blues eyes became iridescent and glowing, small flickers planting themselves on her eyelashes, slowly forming the same flames I had seen before. She was not only a young mage, she was an emotional wreck and completely out of control. Whatever it was that she was afraid of, it seemed to lie in the Circle.

_Apostate._

"You're running from the Circle, aren't you?" I could see from the corner of my eye, Oghren with one fist clenched and the other around his axe, ready in case something... _anything_ should happen. "You're one of us now, Erline. Noble or criminal, anyone can be drafted into our ranks and no one, nor the Chantry nor Andraste herself can do anything against it. We have Al... the King on our side in this."

The flames receded but a few speckles of fiery blue light remained dancing on her lashes, her eyebrows raised in desperation while her messy hair covered half of her face. The young elf was still in shock and I was surprised when I heard her voice, seemingly calmer.

"I ran away... from Nevarra. They were going to make me into one of _those!_" Her voice raised into a squeal and, realizing this, she drew a deep breath and looked down, her words barely a whisper. "A Tranquil. They were going to make me a Tranquil."

I recalled the Tranquil mage I had met at the Circle. Cold, emotionless, void of feeling. Nothing more than an empty shell, a living and moving piece of meat. A fate worse than death, some say. And now, all of the elf's fear and panic seemed to be more than justified.

"Erline... I need you to trust me. I have to go to the Circle..." Her eyes gave me a silent plea and I knew that if I were to brew conflict within the tower, despite my desire to help the girl, it would do nothing but hinder our progress.

"I will go to the Circle," Her face contorted in a pained expression, terrified of the prospect of being turned to the justice of the mages. "but you will remain on the shore. With Oghren."

"What?" The dwarf's expression went rapidly from annoyance to sheer surprise. I knew he probably wouldn't be too keen on the idea, so I pulled him aside and tried to speak in a whisper so that Erline wouldn't hear us.

"I need you to do this, Oghren. I can't take her with me but I can't leave her either. Please. We won't take long."

"Listen Warden, I'm all about killing things for you, going griffon hunting, that kind of thing. But being a nanny? With a deranged elf mage?"

"Please. Take her to the The Spoiled Princess, let her be with Felsi, something. I just can't take her to the Circle, not in the state she's in. I promise I'll shell out on some good wine. Your choice."

He looked at me, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He was less than happy about the thought but if he backed out, I didn't know what else I could do. I couldn't leave Erline by herself, the young girl was much too fragile at the moment and by invoking the Right of Conscription, making her join our ranks... in such a short time, I couldn't help but feel responsible for her... I _was_ responsible for her.

"Fine. But if she goes berserk, I won't give a nug's ass about it. And I'm not forgetting about that wine promise."

"Deal." I gave Oghren the biggest smile I had in me and turned to Erline, looking into her blue eyes and carefully holding her hand as she took a deep breath and unsurely met my gaze.

"Don't worry. You'll be safe. I promise."

**

It was well past midday and into the afternoon when we began to see the Tower, standing tall in the middle of the darkened lake, it's presence domineering against the faraway horizon. Despite the sight of our goal, we were still a few hours of travelling from it, the panorama almost being hypnotic, reminding me of why I was taking such an excruciating voyage, once again.

Erline travelled back, mounted on one of the horses, while Zevran had decided to once more travel by foot, walking beside me. The addition of the girl to our group seemed to do the trick of getting Zevran back into his old persona, babbling with Oghren about both tales of the Crows and of one of the many taverns in Orzammar. Erline shrunk into herself, staring into the horse beneath her, clearly less than comfortable with the type of conversation I had since long grown accustomed to.

"Don't worry. They're all talk, harmless little boys they are. You'll get used to the mindless chatter. I know I did, as hard as it was." I tried to reassure Erline, turning back to her.

I smiled at the young girl, lightly kicking Zevran as discreetly as I could, trying to stop his snickering at my words. However, I achieved a smile from her, nervous as it was. I could not help but be reminded of myself, of what wasn't all that long ago and already seemed like a lifetime. Of how easily one's manners can shift and adapt to those around you and how perceived notions of propriety really do mean nothing at all when they are forgotten in the midst of friendship.

"At the risk of being passed off as _mindless chatter_, like our leader put it, I cannot help but wonder_... _you're a mage, aren't you?"

Zevran's voice caught both me and Erline off guard, leaving me looking at him quizzically and Erline bewildered and taken aback, mouth slightly agape as she looked at the elf beside me.

"...yes."

"Then I simply must ask, since it puzzles me and my curiosity... well..." the man's smile had a hint of friendliness and a touch of venom to it. "My curiosity really can take control of me, at times... How couldn't a mage rid herself of a small band of clumsy soldiers? Surely it would be no hard task for one with the elements at her disposal."

"Zevran!" I widened my eyes and hoped that the tone of my voice would be enough to reprimand him, to make him stop, knowing that in truth, it would be impossible to do so.

The elven girl clenched her jaw and looked away for a moment, her brow furrowing slightly before meeting Zevran's gaze with seeming confidence, betrayed by her trembling hands against her cloak.

"No... it's fine, Warden Commander. Your _friend_ has a point. I never went through my Harrowing... I wasn't ready, they said." She swallowed drily, wiping away a tendril of hair from her face. "I needed to develop concentration in determined occasions, hardships... to abstract myself from the physical world. Until then, I could not go through the Harrowing. And to achieve concentration isn't an easy thing to do when you're being manhandled."

She averted her eyes from mine and went back at clutching her cloak while Zevran's face remained unreadable, his lips curving into a meaningless smile as he broke his attention from her and resumed his previous manner. I wasn't all that happy with the assassin's little questioning, not wanting to break the girl's trust and ease, so I leaned slightly towards Zevran, speaking as quietly as I could.

"By Andraste's sake, what was that all about?"

"One can't help but appreciate your kindness, my dear, but you can't pick up every stray you meet nor can you save everyone."

"I saved you, didn't I?"

He immediately looked at me and smiled at my comeback, turning his gaze forward once more as the sun made his hair and skin shine like gold.

"True. Yet... not that I'm demeaning our new friend's beauty, it would be a crime to do so... but not every stray is a handsome and charming assassin as myself, now are they?"

"Maybe... but, as you can see from our _friend_, most strays seem to keep quiet more often that you do."

"I thought you liked my chattering self. We can always change places and I can make you be quite _noisy_... if you will."

I rolled my eyes and couldn't stifle a silly smile, despite still being annoyed at his little question before, not wanting the playful banter to detract me from my own question.

"You still didn't answer me."

"There is nothing to answer."

"Elusiveness doesn't become you."

The elf chuckled and looked at me beneath his blonde lashes, raising a brow before looking away and running his hand through his hair.

"I hope your trust in her is justified. At any rate, I'll be here."

"Ever since leaving my home, I've learned that I could find betrayal in those I most trusted... trust and loyalty I found in those chance told me would be the unlikeliest to give it. So yes, I hope it is justified as well."

Zevran stared right into my eyes and my words seemed to finally reach him. He only nodded and looked towards the road, to the tower in the far distance. He had seemingly understood my meaning and said nothing more, leaving me to hope that his understanding would make him refrain from expressing any further distrust towards Erline. I could only hope to be right about this.

**

The journey went for a couple of hours without any further interruptions nor mishaps, until we finally stood at the top of the hill that overlooked Lake Calenhad. My back ached from riding for too long and my legs felt eager to get down and feel the dirt beneath my feet. We had finally arrived and the sun was beginning to fall, announcing the upcoming nightfall that would take no more than a few hours to settle. The darkened tower stood against the cloudy sky, its shadow dimly reflected on the waters beneath it. My heart was clenching within me and all of a sudden, I wasn't so sure anymore if I really wanted to go there, to find what I was looking for.

I dismounted from my horse, stretching myself lazily at the feeling of once more standing up straight, on the floor. I leaned against my horse and inhaled deeply, the coastal air filling my lungs. Oghren has dismounted as well and stumbled my way, walking awkwardly and putting a hand over his eyes, looking over to the tower as well. His head turned towards me and he scratched his chin over his beard, before strapping his axe to his back.

"Well, let's get down to it."

Nodding, I grabbed the horse's reins and began to walk, despite the discomfort I felt in my weathered legs, towards the slope in front of us, and the imposing construction that seemed to beckon to us.


	13. Veiled Confessions

The former warmer air that made our trip slightly more pleasant was soon being replaced by a cold wind that made the hair on my neck stand up, a shiver running through me. I felt the urge to untie my braid and let my own hair warm my exposed neck but instead simply tried to pull my cloak closer to me, noticing that Erline had done the same, part of her hair falling on her face as she covered her mouth with her scarf, the dark fabric tugging under her slim fingers.

I turned my gaze to the Tower in the distance, feeling a slight twirl in my stomach when I looked at the dock. Despite being so close, I felt neither eager to take the small trip across the lake and even less eager to leave Erline with Oghren. I trusted him well enough but I couldn't help but fear something happening... hence why we had to be as quick as we could on our visit.

"I want her in one piece."

"You've got nothing to worry about, just go already." Oghren's brow was furrowing, not even sparing a glance at the elven girl, who only looked at me, still fearful due to the shadow the Tower cast upon us, the company of the dwarf offering little comfort. I gripped her shoulder and looked into her eyes, hoping despite my silence, my smile would be enough to bring her some warmth. Erline nodded, the hair on her right side falling onto her eyes and in my mind, I tried to convince myself that it was enough to let my trust in her thrive, a little while longer.

Albeit hesitantly, I turned away from the pair as they began to walk towards the inn, making my way with Zevran to the dock. The pebbles beneath me did not help my tired feet but we could easily rest as soon as we got to the Tower. I expected at least a warm welcome, even maybe the opportunity to rest my weary legs. Wynne had left Redcliffe only a day or two before I did, having left for the Circle.

Wynne's presence was one that I truly missed. Growing up, I had been extremely attached to my mother, more than I should, some might say. Even as I started stepping into adulthood, my mother's presence was a constant in my life, the one I always sought even if it was only to tease her, to elicit a response about how very not lady like I was, despite the flowers in my hair and the perfectly fitted frills in my dress. She had always stifled a smile while she reprimanded me, knowing very well that at my age, she was no better than me, always fleeing her maids to practice her combat skills. So to be torn away from her, as suddenly as I was, left me in shocking despair, feeling that my support, my pillar had been ripped away from me and that I was now in danger of tipping over.

And then Wynne appeared. Wynne and her motherly way of giving advice, of always thinking the best for us. The way she looked at me while tending one of my many wounds, reminded me too much of my mother. But instead of causing the pain elicited by an open wound, it offered sweet remembrance, that familiar warmth and when she caressed my head I could almost feel the scent of apples that I loved to inhale when I buried my face in my mother's hair. I missed her terribly and the prospect of seeing her, made a smile involuntarily appear on my lips, not disappearing when Zevran pulled me away from my thoughts by grasping my hand to help me get on the small boat.

I sat down next to him and looked at the looming Tower, as the boat slowly began to move over the undulating surface. I rested my elbows on my legs and held my face between my hands, letting my fingers touch my lips and the cracked skin on them. Trying to ease the discomforting sensation, I ran my tongue across my lips, finally letting a sigh escape between them. Only a few more moments... a few more waves.

**

"Welcome my friend."

First Enchanter Irving welcomed us open armed in the great hallway of the Tower, his voice resonating through the stony walls. I bowed my head and smiled at him, looking sideways at Zevran as he did the same.

"It has been quite a while since we last saw you. How have you been?"

"There's one less Archdemon... so I'm guessing we're all pretty well."

My words did not elicit a smile from the older man but his wrinkled eyes had enough warmth in them to let me know that he was happy to see us. After all, we had not only rid the Tower of abominations running amok, but also saved the mages from a templar slaughter. In my eyes, he had a lot to be thankful for, the perfect opportunity to ask for a favor that would not easily be granted to an outsider.

A small crowd had gathered near us, a few mages that I recognized as well as a few young and new faces, curiosity and interest dancing across their features. In the middle of a couple of robbed men, a small hand waved at me, the young dwarf I had met at Orzammar greeting me. A young man stood beside her and caressed her head, as she looked up at him and let a grin appear on her face. I was glad to see she had made it to the Circle and that, apparently, she was accepted as one of the mages.

"So, what brings you here, my friend?"

Before I could even open my mouth to reply, I could see a few members of the crowd standing aside and an older woman with her grey hair and bright red robes walking in the midst of them, moving my way and grinning from ear to ear. Decorum was not on my mind when I ran towards her and held her in the biggest hug I could muster. When we finally parted, the joyous feeling of seeing her eyes again filled my heart and I held the woman's hands, fearing to leave them.

"My dear, dear Ariadne. I am so happy to see you here. We must talk immediately, I have not seen you for quite a while!"

"Ah... we don't have much time Wynne, really..." Despite my happiness to see the mage, the last thing I wanted was to spend more time than necessary at the Tower, both Morrigan and Erline constantly tugging at my mind.

"Whatever it is you need, I'm sure the First Enchanter will offer his aid." She looked at the older man, an enchanting smile on her lips and eyes, a nod in agreement his only response. "But you would not deny me this, now would you? Oh, my sweet, sweet girl!"

Pulling me into another embrace, I couldn't refuse her request, looking over her shoulder to Zevran, who approached us and forced himself into our embrace.

"Ah Wynne, my fair bosomed friend, how I have missed you as well."

Wynne quickly let go of both of us and smoothed her hair, despite not having a single strand out of place. She chuckled and patted the elf on the shoulder, her pleasant voice contrasting with the whispering commotion behind us.

"Zevran, always the same inappropriate Zevran."

"You know me, my dear mage. I hate to disappoint."

"I apologize Zevran," She chuckled once more and grabbed my hand leading me along the hallway. "but I must steal away Ariadne for a few moments. I trust you do not mind?"

"Not at all."

I let myself be pulled away by Wynne, leaving Zevran behind. I stole a quick glance behind me, only to see him already eyeing one redheaded mage that seemed to not be as shy as a few of her companions. Knowing he'd be more than entertained, I let the mage lead me into one of the rooms and close the door behind us.

Wynne walked towards an arm chair, sitting on it and gesturing me to take the one beside her, a glow warming her smile as she placed her hands on her lap.

"How are you, Ariadne?"

"Fully recovered, in great part thanks to you." I sat on the big wooden chair and sighed of relief at finally being able to rest my body properly. Even if it wasn't a bed, it was better than what I had in quite a few days and a welcome change.

"I can see that and I am glad. But are you well?"

Wynne's words were expected but even so I couldn't help but be surprised for I had been hoping for her to simply avoid the matter completely. But I knew her well enough to know it wouldn't be so and where the conversation was headed. Most likely to a blonde man that had just recently been crowned king. Oh joy.

"Of course I am, I mean, look at me." I gestured towards myself, giving the mage my best smile and trying to spin around the question.

"One cannot help but notice your present companionship... or lack of."

Her tone was serious and her eyebrow raised while she expected my response or even a reaction. I absent mindedly began to bite on my finger and began to notice how beautiful the sculpting work was on the dark wooden desk near us. Not that I cared much about furniture.

"How is Alistair?" The name made me grip the chair's arm, making me slap myself mentally for my revealing reaction.

"I'm not the best person to ask, Wynne. I have been travelling for a while, since not long after you left Redcliffe. I came with Oghren and Zevran, although Oghren stayed on the mainland... to see Felsi, you know."

"I see."

"So I wouldn't know much, I'm guessing he has been crowned already. At least that's what one would expect."

"Hm-mm."

Wynne leaned back on her chair and turned her head slightly on her side, looking at me while tapping a finger against her cheek in a pensive manner. She wanted to get me to spill my guts to her, to let it all out but was, most obviously, restraining herself. She was playing a game I knew all too well but one that I really wasn't in the mood to join.

"Wynne."

"Yes, child?"

"We both know what you're doing."

"You are the one dancing around the issue, not me. And very ungracefully, I might add."

I looked once more at her, the small wrinkles around her eyes slightly more visible as she squinted them, her face almost remaining unchanged while waiting for a proper reply from me. Her words confirmed my suspicions and I decided to finally let her win at the game. I decided to confide in her, finally giving her what she wanted, despite quite a big part of me secretly wanting to tell her everything.

"Alright... I left Redcliffe... and Alistair... not in the best of terms. He..." My throat suddenly felt dry and I tried to swallow, to keep a few choice words from spilling. I could not tell her everything... a few things I had to keep to myself. "It was for the best."

"And are you saying this because it's what you think I want to hear or what you need to hear?"

"Wynne, you know me. I yell, I scream, I'll throw a tantrum. But then I cool off and listen, to myself, to the words that angered me. In truth, what has this brought me? Momentary joy? Only to be replaced with torturing pain? I may be the Hero of Ferelden, as they say, but I'm still the young and foolish daughter of the Teyrn, I can't help it at times. I was... entranced by ridiculous notions of love and romance, when in reality things don't really work that way."

"You weren't with him for only a month, my dear. And in the worst of scenarios, you both survived through it with your love and affection."

Her words made my stomach churn and I gathered every single ounce of strength within me to stop me from getting up and running out of the room. I hated this, all of this, to be confronted and to make myself see when I had worked so hard to blind myself.

"Love... sometimes I do wonder if it was that. I don't know, more often than not, I confuse myself. Looking at things... I... we were in a possibly fatal situation, we had one another from the beginning and I was his rock, as he was mine. What if it was just that, seeking comfort in each other?"

"Do you truly believe that?"

"I... no. I don't think I do. But even so... at what cost, Wynne?" I felt my jaw tremble and I exhaled as calmly as I could, trying to stifle the rumbling inside me. "I mean... we will never live happily ever after. We are Wardens, we have a death sentence. He is King, an heirless King and that needs to be fixed, we've already had enough instability as it were. And that will never be my role. I am the Warden Commander and that's all I'll ever be. I was an idiot to ever think otherwise and it would've spared me so many... headaches... if I had realized this sooner."

"You have never given up, that is not who you are. And even if sometimes, what we want isn't what's right for us, we have to swim against the current. If only to not spend the rest of our days wondering how it would've gone if things would've been different."

"You're only saying that to see my reaction, aren't you?"

"Of course not, my dear. I simply don't want you to jump headfirst into a decision, at a time like this. Think it through. You are hot headed, indeed you are, and that hinders your decisions."

Wynne reached across the gap between us and placed her hand above mine, her warm skin giving some comfort over my cold fingers.

"I know... but believe me, I thought of it. And I am tired... so tired of wanting to cry because I feel myself breaking. I don't..."

_I don't trust him._

" I cannot afford to do that. Things are what they are, we pushed on forward to save the country and we did. Now it's time to set ourselves aside again and think of the people."

_And he didn't, nor the people nor me_.

" I am a Warden, I did not want it but circumstances took me down this path. So now I must yield to what is brought with it."

"Trust your own judgment. Do not take it lightly."

"I never do. I think..."

I stayed silent for a moment, gazing at the stones that formed the floor of the room, noticing how their sides fitted perfectly with each other, my eyes resting on the various patterns they formed.

"Do you think he'll stay?" Her voice made me look up once more, her blue eyes making me feel slightly calmer, despite my uneasiness that I failed at controlling.

"Stay?"

"In Denerim."

"I hope so. He's not the little Chantry boy anymore. He's King. He can't really afford to be prancing about, playing battle in some corn field. I saw him being crowned... for a moment. He had Eamon with him, he'll knock some sense into him."

I forced a smile at Wynne, knowing that she could tell how untruthful it was and rapidly let it crumble away, averting my gaze once more.

"Alistair... is a lot like you. He can be quite brash at times. It wouldn't surprise me if his first act as a ruler would be to leave and pursue you. He obviously dislikes the prospect of life in court, not to mention to lose you, for whatever reasons it was... put hunger and appetite together and you'll most likely have that unavoidable result.

"I truly hope not. He may be brash, but... he is responsible. I think... I... I don't know Wynne."

The older mage got up from her chair, rubbing her neck and taking a small step my way. I felt her hand on my shoulder, even through the chainmail that covered me. I felt a small weight having been lifted off of me but I was still angry at myself, angry at how much the whole thing affected me, at how I couldn't speak about it without feeling myself ready to break into a million pieces. I placed my ungloved hand over hers and sighed.

"Ariadne... I know you are not telling me everything. I may be old but I am no fool. However, it is not my place to force anything out of you. I've seen Alistair... before the battle. Going into Morrigan's quarters. Again, I do not know what has happened but am I wrong to guess that it had something to do with your departure?"

I clenched my jaw and didn't utter a single word. If Wynne was very important to me, she was even more so to Alistair. She thought highly of him and protected him equally, being the motherly figure in his life that he never had. I did not want to break that by telling her what he had done, no matter what her reaction would be. It was not my place to do so I held my tongue.

"Wynne... we spoke enough of this. However, thank you for your words." I looked up at her, not trying to hide my emotions. "Thank you."

She simply smiled and caressed my hair, like she had done in the past so many times.

"Now, my dear, let's get to business. What can we do for you?"

**

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't even slightly surprised at the First Enchanter's willingness to use their library, knowing that Wynne's hand was in it. With her help, I didn't have to spend days knee deep in thousands of tomes and papers. Only a few hours, really.

"You know I will never ask for that favor, but you do owe me for aiding you blindly, without knowing what it's for."

"It's no secret, the darkspawn aren't behaving like they should, returning to the Deep Roads. As old as Lorroth is, I thought it might have some insight on them. To be rid of them once and for all."

Zevran's company was certainly turning into quite the negative influence on me, letting me slip such a lie in such an easy manner. But I couldn't deny that his lessons on deceit were extremely useful. Wynne looked down at me from the ladder she stood on, removing a tome and carefully stepping down, finally handing to me the heavy bounded book. I ran my hand over the dark blue cover, feeling the leathery texture rough under my fingers. Faded gold lettering adorned the front - 'Myths and Legends'.

"Lorroth has been sought by many, being said that it contains much knowledge that was unfortunately lost with its disappearance. Despite every legend having some truth behind it, one cannot wonder if, in such a long time, it shouldn't have been discovered already."

"It's the only lead we have, so we might as well pick on it. I've always been one to make friends on my travels, so I might just meet a few more people to join the Warden ranks, don't you think?"

Wynne's lips curved into a smile and she opened the book still in my hands, running her finger over the index, pointing the page where I should go. The smell of the yellowed pages filled my nostrils and the dust that was lifted as I turned them, invaded my nose and made it itch, a sneeze following it, echoing through the room. Rubbing my nose, still feeling that nagging itch, I finally let my eyes rest on the carefully hand written page that spoke of Lorroth.

"It speaks of the Frostback Mountains as a possible location... but also The Tirashan and Seheron." I sighed, feeling hope slip away bit by bit.

"Yes, but look here..." Wynne pointed at a paragraph, lower in the page. "It says that Hagan, the mage who decided to build the place of knowledge, fled from Tevinter after the first Blight. He wished to store as much as he could of the world's wisdom and history in one place, doing it firstly in the Bastion Lighthouse. After an attack ended with the building being burned down to flames and Hagan barely managing to save a few tomes, along with his servants, he decided to build a magical fortress he called Lorroth, carrying as much as he could from the destroyed building into it. There are tales of the magical fortress being invisible to anyone but Hagan or even of it having been buried by the forces of time."

"Bastion..."

"Antiva, my dear."

Zevran's voice caught my attention as the elf entered the room, leaning against one of the many high shelves while flicking a golden strand away from his eyes. I turned to face Wynne again and closed the book, a smile dancing on my lips. I remembered Zagor's words, of Lorroth, of snow. Despite the snowy peaks of Hunterhorn Mountains rivaling the ones of Frostback, my hope was slightly renewed with the story of the lighthouse. We could not wander aimlessly so the old building might hold some answers of the new location of the lost library.

"Wynne, do you think the lighthouse still exists?"

"Most likely, in ruins, but still there. As Zevran can attest, I'm sure, not many approach that land anymore, nor by land nor by sea. Looters were never very successful for the once busy harbor quickly fell into ruin following the lighthouse's destruction. The devastating seas make ships cower and the wilds have taken over the land."

I looked at Wynne and then at Zevran, who stood silently hearing the mage's words. Despite missing his home, I could tell he wasn't thrilled to travel to Antiva, the home of the Crows, who no doubt still wished him dead. I could not withdraw my eyes from him, his arms crossed defensively over his chest and his eyes inscrutable. The corners of his lips began to turn upwards, a grin appearing before them as he removed a dagger from his belt and began to play with it, flipping it in the air.

"Well then, my fair Warden. I believe we have quite the long journey to make."

* * *

_Many thanks to everyone adding this to their watch list/favourites, etc. Also thanks to Abydos Jackson. I could never have gone this far without your support (:_


	14. Admitting the Truth

"Alistair?"

Leliana's voice startled me, my eyes were already feeling heavy as stones and I could barely see the road in front of me. We had been travelling for a few days, camping only twice and needless to say, I never got much sleep. With the Archdemon gone, and despite the Darkspawn still roaming the land, I did not have any nightmares pertaining them. Only _her_. I turned my head to the side and opened my eyes more than necessary, trying to not let Leliana know that I was less than awake.

"Alistair, we should really stop sometime... we can't travel night and day."

"Well... do you really need to sleep? We _do_ have horses, Leliana."

Leliana looked at me, raising her brow at my senseless logic. The bard was looking weary as well, despite having rested more than I had, since I volunteered to keep watch the night before. Old habits. Even so, the prospect of stopping once more bothered me, made my skin crawl and my stomach churn. I wanted to get to Ariadne, before she could get to the Tower and leave, not leaving me a clue of her whereabouts.

"Yes, yes I do, _Audric_. And you do too, have you seen yourself lately?"

I cringed at my new given name and squinted my eyes at Leliana, almost feeling the urge to stick my tongue at her. What a royal and fearsome gesture that would be. Leliana had a point though... it was useless for us to keep on pushing forward feeling as tired as we were, with nightfall quickly making its presence known and the horses' looking as exhausted as us, their pace slower than before and showing signs of weariness.

"Alright. Let's stop by that clearing."

"Thank you."

We led our horses to where I had pointed, a small clearing that was a little more open than I would've liked but in truth, exhaustion was picking up with me so we would have to make do. We would have to take turns at resting but since the sky was just beginning to darken, it gave us time to get enough sleep for the both of us. I dismounted my horse and stretched myself, feeling in my back the setbacks of riding for such a long time. I looked at Leliana, who had dismounted as well, and noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her pale skin.

"You do look like you need some rest..."

"Thanks for telling me I look awful, Alistair. But thanks for acknowledging I was right about camping."

"Don't get used to it, it was just this once."

She smiled at me and began to tie the horses' reins to a nearby tree, while I removed our tents and began to unfold mine. I didn't know how I began to hate camping so much, when before it was part of everyday life, as much as eating or breathing. But now all it meant was that we were wasting precious time and sleeping never seemed more time consuming. Not only that, it reminded me of _her_. Of how it seemed to be so easy when all we had on our hands was a Blight and a huge horde of Darkspawn. Well, it wasn't all that small really, nor less important, but it was pretty straightforward, despite getting increasingly complicated as we went along. But in the end, it was kill or be killed. And to rest in her arms without having to think of the politics of the kingdom, of what I am supposed to do, if I will be recognized by a random passerby. The Blight. Happier times? As stupid as it may sound, they were. Because back then, at Ostagar, I was just Alistair. Not the King, not your Majesty, not a _thing_ meant to procreate and keep the kingdom happy, just good old Alistair. But what-ifs are just plain torture because you really can't go back, as much as you want to.

**

_"I honestly don't know how anyone can love cheese so much. Really, Alistair, do you know how much fat there is in that little piece? You should have a giant belly by now."_

_"Well," I mumbled, half way through chewing a piece of Orlesian cheese. "that could actually come in handy in deflecting Darkspawn attacks, no? All wobbly, and rubbery and..."_

_Ariadne looked at me in utter disgust, making a sound with her throat while gesturing with her fingers into her mouth._

_"You're making me gag, you really are."_

_"Wait, so you wouldn't love me all the same if I had a cheesy belly?"_

_"No, not really." She replied with that devious smile of hers._

_"What if I got bald? And lost all this... marvelous..." I ran my hand through my hair and pouted playfully, making the best puppy dog eyes I could muster._

_"Well it is half of your charm... so yeah, probably not."_

_"You only love me for my body, then?" I pounced on her, pinning her under me and forgetting all about the cheese, losing myself in that little twinkle that insisted on dancing in her eyes when we were all alone._

_"Pretty much." _

_She gave me her biggest smile, the one she knew would make me forget everything in any given moment, her hands holding my face and running through my hair, lacing her fingers at the back of my head. Pulling me to her, she brushed her lips against mine, making me lose grip of any control I had, diving into the kiss and losing myself in her._

**

Before one of us went to sleep, Leliana decided we should make a fire and cook us a meal, the simple soup she made letting out a nice comforting smell, that made me realize just how empty my stomach was. I helped myself to plenty of the broth, sitting down and absorbing the heat from the liquid. Leliana sat opposite of me, crossing her legs on her side, in her proper fashion, lifting a spoonful carefully to her mouth, not wanting to scald her lips with the deliciously smelling soup. I began to blow on my bowl, hoping that it would help it cool down, while stirring it, trying not to spill any of the contents.

"Alistair?"

"Hm-mm?" I looked up at the bard, my mouth full of roughly cut vegetables, eager to chew and swallow them. I was in my eating moment and that was too sacred to let any conversation stop me from continuing it.

"I know you want to get to her... but what do you plan on doing once you actually reach her?"

I knew very well who she meant. Ariadne. I swallowed with difficulty and suddenly lost all appetite, lowering the bowl and settling it on my lap, both of my hands cradling it although I had lost any desire to keep on eating.

"I don't know... get on my knees, kiss her feet and hope my dashing good looks are enough for her to forgive me?"

"Well, hopefully... I mean, it has been a while, she should've cooled down her head by now and see enough reason to forgive you, shouldn't she?"

Leliana's words brought me despair instead of hope. In any normal circumstance, yes, maybe Ariadne would think things through and brush it off as if it were nothing, but this? Leliana didn't even know half of it.

"I hope so... but I really don't kn-"

"Both of you being the stubborn infants you are, you've had your fair share of quarrels but I've never seen her this... _mad."_

"You do remember after the Landsmeet, don't you?"

I really, _really_ didn't want to tell her about everything. About how I ended up in the same bed as Morrigan in a desperate attempt to save the life of the woman I love. The Landsmeet wasn't exactly a pleasant memory either, one that I really didn't want to recall but it seemed like an appropriate excuse for our fight. At least that would get Leliana off my back. I thought.

"The terrible humiliation? Yes, I do. Terrible... but, didn't she forgive you? After the battle, when she woke up, I remember you two being each other's shadow for quite a while. If that is not love... until you both started shouting, that is. So something must've happened."

_Damn._

Leliana was no fool, that's for sure. And not even my carefully planned escape plan could've avoided that particular confrontation. A little more planning perhaps... but she was one step ahead of me. Letting out the sigh that had been caught in my chest, I decided to come clean... well, only slightly.

"Well yes... Leliana."

"Yes, Alistair?"

"You have been kind enough to put up with me, to accompany me here... in this blind chase." I couldn't help but to begin fiddling my fingers nervously, looking everywhere my eyes would allow me, except the bard. "I owe you, I guess..."

"Don't be silly."

"I do. But you must promise me you're not going to go around and spread this through half of Ferelden. I was a Warden and not even I knew it..."

Leliana looked at me curiously, apparently I had picked her already hungry curiosity. Her words had the effect she expected and here I was, ready to make a full on confession, to satiate her... _inquisitive_ mind.

"Have you ever wondered why there have never been any accounts of saviors of the Blight?"

"Now that you mention it..." She raised an eyebrow and placed her now empty bowl on the ground, next to her robe covered feet, resting her chin on her hand and listening intently.

"Well you see... the only way to destroy the Archdemon is for it to be slain by a Grey Warden. The taint, you know? The Archdemon's essence seeks their soul, and they are both destroyed, killing the Warden." The words spilled forth almost without a breath between them, making me feel like a right fish out of water, gasping for air. I was drowning in my own words but I knew that once the flood started, there was no way to stop it.

"Didn't Ariadne deal the final blow?"

"Yes, she did." I ran my hand over my eyes and finally managed to look at her. "I was scared, Leliana. I knew, no matter what, she would never let me do it. And I'd be all alone... not alone... _without her_. Morrigan..."

I almost, _almost_ swallowed the words that insisted on coming when Morrigan's name arose to my lips. But in the end, they took their course.

"Morrigan made her an offer. She refused. I went behind her back and accepted. She found out, she was mad, she left and that's the short version really."

"Wait wait... Morrigan?" Leliana gestured with her hands in the hair, trying to stop an invisible wave and shaking her thin red hair around her.

"Yes, she said she knew a ritual," My palms were sticky against each other and I could not stop myself from rubbing them. "that she could save us both."

"And it worked...?"

"Apparently, otherwise we wouldn't be here chasing a fleeing Warden, now would we. We'd probably be... nevermind."

I averted my gaze once more and let it take refuge on the fire in front of us. The usual warmth that the flames should emanate had been replaced by the freezing cold of the memories it elicited.

"If that is the case, she should be thankful. You have given both of you another chance. You're both alive and despite being mad at you for doing it behind her back, she should forgive you, Alistair. I mean... we all make mistakes and I would be quite the hypocrite if I passed judgment on you, especially when any of us that travelled with her can be selfish enough to say that... well we're glad she's alive. You had a good reason to do so but for her to be so brash... I know she is hot headed but to simply leave? It actually surprises me, I wouldn't expect this from her... not from Ariadne. I almost find it hard to believe."

I almost did not expect Leliana to take this so well but the fact that she was placing the guilt on Ariadne's side... twisted inside of me, almost like a clawed hand tugging at my insides. Despite Ariadne's brazen attitude, I was still pretty much the guilty party, _almost_ all of me to blame. Almost.

"Even so... I don't know much of magic, neither does Ariadne, I think, but is Morrigan so powerful to be able to destroy the Archdemon without a tainted Warden? These things of mages do baffle me... maybe that's why she left, she didn't understand perhaps?"

I didn't know what it was about Leliana and her apparent lack of knowledge of magic, but she seemed like quite the witch at the moment, warts and swamps aside. Her every word, intonation, slight machinations, it all seemed to work towards me feeling so guilty, so ridden with regret that I could not stop myself from babbling, letting all of the things I wanted to keep deep down and buried, come gushing out, way beyond my control. In a split second, I decided to throw all cares to the wind and place all my trust in Leliana. Either that, or I was on the highroad to utterly breaking humiliation.

"Ugh... alright. You're probably going to hate me, berate me, slap me in the face and force me back to Denerim but damn it."

I clenched my fists and looked at my boots, how light colored mud covered them and thought of how hard it would be to just get that mess out and leave them all shiny and pretty and... right. Leliana. Waiting for my words like a cat hungrily for a mouse.

"Morrigan... oh Maker... Morrigan is, I think, with child. The Archdemon's essence went to it, instead of Ariadne and... now she has a half god, half witch of the swamp _thing_ in her. Or so she told me."

Frightfully, I looked up at her, an incredulous look on her face and her lips pursed into a thin line. She was concentrating on my speech, just a little bit too much for my liking.

"The ritual consisted of her having sex with a tainted Warden." At my words, Leliana straightened herself where she sat and placed her hands on her lap, looking directly at me and making me as uncomfortable as if I were being crowned in my small clothes.

"Do you mean... Riordan? Ariadne is obviously out of the equation but I wouldn't think Riordan..." She widened her eyes and placed her hand over mouth, letting it fall over chin and down to her lap. "Oh... _oh_... I see."

A small moment of silence followed, Leliana was probably still too dumbfounded by my revelations to utter a single word. I could only imagine what she was thinking of me, of how I was such a pig and how Ariadne was so much better off without me. She was probably berating herself for even taking the risk and time to accompany me, most likely. Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore so I let out a sigh and let my tongue loose once more, not expecting her response that followed.

"Right. You can start now. I can take it."

"You? And Morrigan? You both...?"

"Yes."

"In the same room?"

"Yes."

"Same bed?"

"Maker... _yes."_

"Naked?"

"Oh for the love of... Leliana!"

"Alright alright... I guess I understand now. Even so... I can see why she would be upset to the point of leaving. But you still did it for a good reason... you had good intentions, I believe... although... Alistair, did you enjoy it? I mean, you had to."

"Leliana! Stop it!" I could not believe what I was hearing and I desperately wanted to shield my overactive imagination from Leliana's words, that were doing nothing to help me coping with the guilt of what I had done.

"Well, it's true! If she had to be pregnant and if the ritual worked, you had t-"

"I'm not listening! Lalalala!" I quickly cut her off and covered my ears with my palms, hoping my chanting would drown her out, only stopping once I saw a small embarrassed smile on her lips.

"Are you done now?"

"Yes, sorry."

Leliana looked unsure of whether she should look at me and _how_ or to just stare at the fire as I had done before. I could almost hear her thoughts berating me and it wouldn't surprise me that I would wake up the next morning to find her gone. Either that or I was being extremely paranoid. But it was not new that all of our companions were very protective of Ariadne and to just blurt it out like this... I couldn't help but fear the outcome.

"Alistair..."

Her voice startled me, her tone not what I expected and no anger in her eyes. And for just a moment, I felt thankful.

"You do know... about Flemeth, right?"

"That she is Morrigan's mother, that they share, well, _shared_ the same nose, all that? Yes, yes I do."

"Hum... Alistair." Leliana clenched her jaw and bit on her thumb. "Flemeth... she's not dead, you know?"

"What? I'm sorry, can you say that again? I think you're right, you know? I think we're getting way too tired, I'm apparently starting to hear things."

"She's not dead. Ariadne lied to Morrigan. I do not know why... she would not talk about it."

Her words gave in way to a whole different slew of feelings. Guilt and regret, get that party going, remorse and shame are coming to join us! I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to absorb what I had just heard and the consequences of it all. Half demon god baby on the way and a centuries old witch eager to possess the body of its mother. And all thanks to me and my stupidity. Well that's just great.

"Oh by Andraste's knickers... you cannot be serious."

"You didn't know... I... I do not what the Maker intends with this but..."

"Mysterious ways and all that?"

"Yes. Yes, I believe so. The Blight has ended but for it to end this way..."

Leliana's voice was drowned in the midst of a brute force that invaded my mind, a poisonous and bestial presence that I hadn't felt in a while made way into my thoughts and forced me to stand up, despite the feeling that my brain was about to explode with all the roaring. Leliana stopped mid-sentence and looked at me, mouth slightly agape and a hint of concern in her brow. I brought my cold hand to my head, hoping that it would ease the now unforgiving pounding as I fumbled around me with the other, desperately looking for my sword. Leliana walked towards me and placed her hand on my shoulder, her voice sounding smothered and so, so far away...

"Alistair, what's wrong?"

Finally being able to unsheathe my sword, I gripped it as hard as I could, beginning to frantically look around me, waiting to see something, ready to whatever would come from the forest.

"Darkspawn."


	15. Pouring Rain

"Darkspawn!?"

Leliana's voice rang in my ears, breaking me away from the stupor the whole invasion in my mind had caused. I could smell... sulfur, acid and rancidness. It filled my nostrils and made me recoil in disgust.

"Yes." I could barely speak as I grabbed my shield and tried to locate the beasts I sensed, their presence rippling through my flesh.

Soon, a roaring cry soared through the woods, making Leliana turn her head back and her eyes widen as a couple of genlock and hurlock made their way from the road to our camp. The beasts ran heavily, their tattered armors tainted with blood and looking like they had seen better days. Instinctively, I began to run towards the first one, ramming my shield against the fiend's face, the bones on his skull making a loud cracking sound, making him fall heavily to the ground. The second stopped and looked at me, snarling while I sunk my blade into the other genlock, to make sure he would not arise again. The one standing seemed to be sizing me up but lifted his sword and began to ram towards me once more when the hissing of an arrow broke the silence and ended planted right in the forehead of the hurlock that stood back.

Momentarily distracted, I almost got filleted by the short sword that swung sideways towards me, a quick reflexive jump back saving me from quite a nasty wound. Quickly dropping my shield to the ground, I gripped my sword with both hands and swung it towards my opponent with all the force I could muster, hitting the genlock in his shoulder, a shivering cry being released as blood spurted on the grass and my armor, coating the metal with dark, foul blood. I had my sword lodged on the bone but I held my grip onto it when the beast fell down clutching his shoulder. Placing my boot firmly on him, I forcefully removed my sword and ran it through his chest, a gush of blood pouring from its maw and pooling around him, the seeping blood quickly being absorbed by the loose earth beneath the body.

I looked back at Leliana, adrenaline still pumping through my veins, and saw her gripping her bow and looking about, most definitely trying to see if we had more company. But the presence was gone. For now. I stepped away from the corpses and began to walk towards the fallen hurlock, wanting to make sure he was dead. The glassy dark eyes, open in surprise gave away his current state. Even so, you can never be too sure, so I made sure to run my blade across the hurlock's throat, nearly decapitating him. I could not tear my eyes from the body for a few moments, the feeling of facing darkspawn once more, both exhilarating and frightening at the same time. I wiped the sweat off my brow, quickly regretting it after looking at my bloodied hand, and walked back to Leliana.

The bard was already packing away her things when I reached her, bended over her bag with her red braids falling over her face.

"We can't stay here."

"I know. Alistair, do you... feel anything?"

She looked up at me, her eyes still quite darkened and her face more pale than ever. She desperately needed some rest and so did I... but we couldn't afford to become sitting ducks.

"No. Not right now. But still, we best get moving."

Leliana nodded and tucked away a few strands of hair behind her ear, standing up and beginning to tend to her tent. I began to dismantle my own tent as well, getting everything packed in the horses as quickly as I could. We would have to stop at some point, despite being only a day's journey away from Lake Calenhad, but we had to move, no matter how tired we were. If only for a few miles.

**

We were on the road for a few hours and I had yet to feel anymore darkspawn around us. I tried to be strong and hold it together for the both of us, but I could not bear anymore to see Leliana nearly nodding off on her horse, bound to break her neck from a nasty fall. So we stopped once more, not bothering to set up camp this time, only getting out our bedrolls behind a few denser foliage, still relatively near to the road to allow us a quick run if circumstances demanded it. I sat on my bedroll, enveloping myself on a few covers while Leliana blacked out as soon as her head hit the rolled up blanket beneath her.

As tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get out of my mind how quickly we were ambushed and how lucky we were that there were only three of them. True, there were still a few darkspawn here and there around Ferelden, for they still hadn't all retreated to the Deep Roads, but the majority of them were concentrated on what were considered the "entrances" they had to the surface. As far as I knew, our location wasn't even near such a place so it struck me as unusual to find a few of them _here_. No doubt they were drawn by the taint in my blood but even so... why were they here? A little darkspawn fieldtrip? Enjoying the fresh air? What?

My back was killing me and I could hardly bear to sit up anymore so I laid back for only a few moments, stretching myself on my bedroll while looking at the starless sky. Even with my armor on, I felt more comfortable than I had in quite a while, my eyelids feeling heavy as I tried my best to keep them open. I sat up once more and reached at the canteen next to me, splashing some water on my face and opening my eyes more than necessary with my fingers. I laid back once more, trying to relax my back, while keeping my eyelids open with the tips of my fingers. But soon, heaviness took over my hands, letting them fall to the sides of my head and as much as I tried to keep myself awake, I could not help but drift off to sleep, giving quite the opening to any darkspawn that could come, to make me food for wolves.

I felt as if I was floating, drifting in and out of the Fade and suspended in the dark sky above me. I could not feel the cold ground beneath me and the cool air felt like a welcoming caress on my skin. In the midst of the darkness, color began to play with my mind, little splashes of purple and gold flashing before my eyes. I saw the glimmer of intricate metal against the skin of a chest that left little to the imagination. It wasn't the first time I had dreamed of such barely there outfitted maidens... but it all seemed so odd, so ethereal and so real at the same time. Yes, I am aware that is the description of a _dream_ but this seemed just... different. Eyes... cold shimmering eyes, staring down at me, under a purple coil. The clothes... they were tugging at her middle, visibly curvier than before.

"Always the fool. You wouldn't be able to protect yourself, let alone others."

I tried to raise my arm, to rub my eyes in my half dream like state, surely with one foot still in the Fade, but I felt paralyzed, my body still very much asleep.

"It still baffles me. But judging by your company..."

Golden... eyes... mocking me.

"...she finally opened her eyes."

A condescending smirk, full lips scoffing at me. And with the sound of grass crushing under light footsteps, came the darkness once more, enveloping me and dragging me into a dreamless sleep.

**

I woke up with the sound of Leliana's singing, the sun shining directly in my eyes, forcing me to cover them with one hand. Despite having slept the night before, I did not feel anymore rested, unsure whether I had nightmares or if... the harsh reality of it all took me by surprise as I suddenly acknowledged the presence I had felt in my sleep. The purple coil, the golden eyes, the disdainful voice. Morrigan, it could not be anyone else but the witch I always _loved_... to hate. Truly the last person I wished to see, let alone on my dreams. But that feeling... like I was constantly being tugged and shoved back into the Fade... like it wasn't really a dream. Hallucination perhaps? I was quite tired and hadn't slept for a few days, so it wasn't all that unlikely. I felt my stomach churn when I remembered the sight of her belly, swollen... _pregnant_.

I tried to shake off the uneasiness and sat up as Leliana turned to gaze at me, looking much more refreshed than before. I smiled at her and rubbed the back of my neck, accepting the piece of bread the bard offered to me with a gleaming smile.

"Good morning."

Staring at the dark bread, I felt terribly embarrassed by succumbing to my own tiredness and thus putting us both at risk.

"I'm sorry, Leliana."

"Don't be." She turned back to her belongings, rolling up her covers. "We were both more tired than we could handle, I woke up quite early but nothing seemed to be able to get you out of your slumber. You were like a rock. Thank the Maker, nothing happened and we're in one piece."

I couldn't say a single word... I tried but instead shoved them all back inside along with the bread Leliana had handed me. What would I say to her? Offer comfort on the fact that perhaps it had been a onetime encounter? Despite there being no Blight? That despite me being a Grey Warden, I could find no plausible explanation for the attack we suffered? That I was borderline _terrified_?

I twiddled my fingers around the bread's crust, wasting more of it than actually eating but got my attention caught when Leliana stepped in front of me, the reins of her horse already in her hand. She was cheerier than I could afford to be, but it certainly was a contagious disposition.

"It's a nice day. We'll soon reach Lake Calenhad, so let's get moving, shall we?"

It was a nice day indeed. For a few hours. Until late afternoon arrived and the sky became cloudy, threatening to pour its heavy haul on us. I could feel a faint presence in my head, due to my nervousness or actual darkspawn in the area, I couldn't exactly pinpoint, but it tugged at my mind in the most uncomfortable way ever. It felt they were ahead of us and not _after_ us but even so, considering where we were headed and that it was where Ariadne was, I was less than calm about it. Leliana could plainly see my state so she began telling me many of her stories she had picked up as a bard, contributing to let me calm at least a bit.

That is, until I felt a cold drop on my nose. As fate would have it, we could already see the Circle Tower in the distance and we would have to hurry if we wanted to reach the small lakeside village before nightfall. I did not want to risk another night camping outside, not with what happened the night before. I felt a shiver running down my spine and the rain I surely knew was coming, began to pour.

We continued on our horses, the rain too small to actually become bothersome, but constant enough to soak us to the bone. However, we were too close and we could barely see the road ahead of us, so stopping for shelter was not an option. Luckily for me, Leliana only offered a smile and tugged at her cloak, trying to cover her face from the falling drops, complying with my desire to keep onwards.

I suddenly stopped my horse when I felt once again the roaring presence invade my mind, a chaotic mix of cries, panic, fear and anger all at once. It burned at my throat and in my chest and I barely held onto my horse, trying not to fall down. Breathing was painful and Leliana's figure in front of me was nothing more than a blur. But then, as quickly as it came, it stopped. And I saw it. The victorious shine of a long sword, despite being covered in blood. A white cheek splattered with red and a gloved hand wiping away blonde strands. Ariadne. I spurred my horse onwards and galloped as fast as I could towards the still far away slope. She was there, I had felt her through the taint! And I wasn't about to lose the opportunity of finally catching up to her.


	16. Surprise, Surprise

When the doors of the Circle closed heavily behind us, the night had already fallen upon the land, the dark water around us illuminated only by a few torches that sat around the small dock of the tower. The lakeside air was chilly and there was not a single star in the sky, making me feel more uneasy than I would've liked, despite my slight increase in hope after our recent discoveries. Zevran had been quiet ever since we left the library though and the silence bothered me, since whenever Zevran was present, silence was a rare treat. It was more than unnerving so I decided to speak up, as inconspicuously as possible.

"Alright then, what do you propose we do?" I stopped and looked at him, the tattoo on his face outlining his bone structure as he looked far off at the mainland. "This is going to be quite the long journey so I thought we'd rest here, probably get on a ship on Amaranthine..."

He quickly cut me off, without sparing me a glance. "That was quite the conversation with Wynne."

I couldn't exactly call myself surprised at his observation but I was most definitely not happy to know that my moments with Wynne, a moment where I had splayed out my feelings, as much as I could, to an old friend. I valued my friendship with Zevran as well and he had been as supportive as one could ask, but to listen in on us? I couldn't help but feel that my privacy had been violated. And most likely for his own childish amusement, I reckoned. Was I being unfair in my thoughts? Most likely, but my blood was beginning to boil and as it often did, began to blind my judgment as well.

"Weren't you ever taught that snooping on private conversations is just plain rude?"

"I would call it gaining knowledge through the way of a trained ear, but call it what you will." He threw me one of his knowing smiles, one that spelled troubling charm, but it was quickly replaced by a slightly more serious tone. "Are you alright?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do I have a big red sign on my face? 'Woe is me, the Warden Commander. Pity wanted'. Really, Zevran." I snapped at him, _sort of_ regretting it afterwards but not letting my own face show it.

"You may be able to lie to Wynne, but you cannot lie to me. Were you being truthful? Have you really accepted your predicament?"

Despite my sudden outburst, Zevran could see right through me, through my deception of others and myself. But I was not about to give up my carefully woven farce just like that.

"Why shouldn't I? Things are what they are and some things can't be changed. We must simply adapt."

"Is that your way of grieving?"

"I'm not talking about this with you, not now."

"Lying to others is all nice and fine, but to lie to yourself? In all due honesty, I thought higher of you."

Right through me. Lying to myself... he was quite right, I was. But what else did I have? To allow me to keep my sanity through this whole ordeal, without succumbing to the pain that betrayal and deception had brought me? Lies only brought forth more lies, but these... these comforted me. Even if they were in my own illusions. I didn't want to acknowledge Zevran's truth, not now. I had worked too hard and too long inside my own head to let it all crumble like this. So I kept myself quiet, ignoring the words that teased within my mind.

"Are you moving on?"

"I thought you listened to our conversation? Yes, yes I am."

_Am I?_

"One word of advice: never join a theatre. You would have an extremely short career, my fair Warden."

_...I hate you._

I stared into the elf's eyes, mouth agape at his reply and desperate to just _stop_ this damned conversation. I did not need this, not now. _Please_. I turned away from him and began walking to the docked boat that awaited for us, barely visible in the midst of the nightly darkness.

"We're done here. I have what I was looking for, let's go get Oghren."

"You're better than this. Than this self pity that is so unbecoming of you."

"Am I, Zevran? By the way, since we're on the subject of lying and deceiving, mind telling me why you're so bothered by Erline?"

"I'm not bothered by her." He calmly said, not letting my statement even remotely bother him.

Despite having succeeded in turning the focus of the conversation towards Zevran, his answer didn't satisfy my curiosity, only serving to upset me even more.

"Oh? I guess we won't be joining an acting troupe very soon, now are we? Do you know her, do you know something I don't? What are you hiding?"

Zevran took a step forward and inched his face towards mine, perhaps a little nearer than necessary, fixating his eyes on mine and talking quietly and slowly, almost in a whisper.

"You are not an idiot, not by a long stretch but I do wonder if you like to play as one. She is a mage.. but have you seen her arms? I know of some people who prefer such methods to adorn themselves instead of tattoos... but you cannot tell me that those do not strike you as odd."

I did not want to give in but I knew very well where he was heading. My knowledge of magic was very limited but... I felt like slapping myself for my own ignorance and naiveté. How could I have not reached that conclusion before? It spoke volumes of my recent absent mindedness and I felt incredibly upset over it. The great Hero of Ferelden. Silly girl, such an airhead.

"Scars, strange symbols, magic." Zevran whispered, glancing back, to make sure we were not being heard. "Magic through the use of blood. Like I said before, I only hope you are right in your judgment... and that I am wrong in mine."

I was not used to having Zevran challenging my decisions. More often than not, he supported them and did not pass judgment on me... or at least he didn't show it. But I had to acknowledge that he was somewhat right, as much as I tried to refrain from doing so because that would mean me being _wrong_. And I couldn't be wrong about Erline. There was something about her... in her eyes, her shy demeanor. If she was truly a blood mage, she could have easily disposed of the guards that assaulted her, could she not?

We stared at each other for a few moments, Zevran's face still quite close to mine, a few locks of golden hair dangling in front of his eyes and barely a few inches from mine. He finally stepped back, his eyes still on mine, and turned towards the dock, finally withdrawing his gaze and moving towards the water.

I couldn't manage to muster a reply to Zevran, merely following him into the boat that awaited us, slowly taking us to the mainland. The prospect of getting into another boat in Amaranthine wasn't the most thrilling one, for even now, with the small lake waves, my stomach rebelled within me. I always felt unwell on such trips, as small as they were, but at the moment I began to feel dizziness taking over me, an intense scent of sulfur filling my nostrils and my lungs, burning within me. My head was throbbing with piercing pain, the cold air doing nothing to tame it. I saw a blurry image of Zevran in front of me, barely making out his features as my eyes were drawn far off into the mainland.

Feeling on the verge of throwing up, I didn't even realize when we docked, Zevran's arms locking around me and trying to get me out of the boat safely, letting me lean on him for support. I did not feel the rain that had begun to pour, nor the increasingly soaking clothes under my armor that made my body begin to shiver uncontrollably. My mind... tugging... ripping... cries... ravaging howls. I grasped at my own hair, pulling it, trying to make it all stop, until the roaring became all too real. And before we knew it, darkspawn were approaching the top of the hill, poisoning the air and the land.

I had felt their presence before, always a bothersome invader, nauseating and poisonous but I felt... almost incapacitated this time. What was different? The pain had somewhat subsided by now and I forced myself to unsheathe my sword, widening my eyes at the beasts that approached us. There were... at least ten of them. And _that_. A hulking presence, a mass of metal and bone, covered by a dark battered armor. The black helmet muffled the shrieking that came from the creature, the metal horns adding to its dreading presence. It was of the height of a Hurlock, but more commanding in presence and I cowered in my own armor at the sight of its grotesquely long arms clutching a double handed sword, while a clanking sound accompanied its every step.

I ran clumsily closer to the inn, glancing backwards to Zevran, making sure that he was right behind me. I started banging at the door, yelling with all the strength I had within me.

"Oghren!!"

I banged a few more times, continuing to yell the dwarf's name while I ran back towards the end of the hill, getting ready for the onslaught. I glanced back for a moment, surely enough seeing Oghern bursting through the inn door, looking bewildered and the sudden and unexpected scene, letting out a cry before running our way.

The first Genlock that ran towards me, lighter and faster, swung his small sword my way, making me take a small hop backwards, narrowly escaping his blade. In a swift reflex, I side swung my own sword towards the fiend's head, tearing it in half, a mess of crushed bone landing on the muddied ground. The gory reality of war had already become the ordinary to me, so I did not let the gruesome sight bother me and launched myself towards a Hurlock that decided to attack Zevran from behind. Next thing I know, that very same Hurlock is down on the ground with an axe deeply lodged on its chest, gurgling on its own blackened blood, struggling to survive despite being already deep in death's grip. Oghren quickly grabbed the dagger from the fallen darkspawn's belt and, never letting go of his axe, threw it at me. I caught it by the hilt and immediately threw it at the head of another darkspawn that prepared to shoot an arrow towards me.

I smiled at Zevran who had just removed a poisoned dagger from the back of a Genlock, his lips curved into a smile as well for both of us could see that the tides were turned to our favor. But that smile was short lived for as soon as I turned the other way, I felt a crushing blow in my chest that threw me to the ground. I was unable to breathe and clutched at my armor, trying desperately to ignore the soaring pain and get up. I gasped for air but found none, the thick drops of rain falling right into my mouth and making me choke, lying in the middle of the mud. The long armed beast was above me, slowly raising its arms over its head as if they were two ominous tentacles, spelling out my execution. The smell of sulfur invaded me once more and left me lightheaded, the vision of the creature becoming increasingly blurred.

I turned my head back, trying to find a way out, something, anything that could get me away from this demon like figure. I wanted to scream, to yell for help but I couldn't, my voice strangled by the blow I had taken before. For a second, I saw death itself before me, the glimmering blade above me only as moment away of finding its way towards my flesh and cutting me in half. But then, for an instant, I saw blood stained robes flowing behind me, two slender legs near and yet so far... I saw her hands forming strange symbols in the air and then dispelling them as they were nothing.

"No, that's not it... Maker... focus!"

Erline's eyes closed shut as she began her wild motions once more, her lips silently moving in a undecipherable speech. Her eyes suddenly opened, filled with blinding energy that travelled through her skin, making the symbols of her scars glow with blue fire, running to the tips of her fingers and materializing in raw electrical energy that surged from within her to the beast in front of me. The monster's body shook violently with the lightning that sparked above me, an insufferable smell covering the air, making me cover my face with my hand and gag over it. The once towering presence quickly became nothing but dust, the blackened armor falling in a heap while poisonous mist seemed to escape from it, instead on simply dispelling as smoke. A genlock emissary stood slightly far off, the dark smoke travelling towards it and quickly being inhaled fully by the creature, who prepared to craft a spell towards us.

A large blade flew towards the genlock, at a low angle, hitting its legs and making the beast fall with a shrieking yelp, its lower limbs now severed and the dark foul blood mixing itself with the rain and mud that ran beneath him. The genlock tried desperately to reach for its staff, even in its final throes, trying to take one of us with it to its grave. But Oghren's blade found him again, now forcefully lodged in the genlock emissary's skull, the already hideous features completely disfigured by the massive axe.

Erline fell on her knees next to me, looking completely drained. Even so, she forced herself up, her robe and cloak now covered in mud, and tried to help me up, wincing at her still fresh injuries while my own pain began to subside. I felt more than bruised but now I could begin to breathe, not feeling anything broken but still quite battered. Once the genlock was killed, the piercing headache went away as well and my vision was now clear, aside from the clouding rain that poured on us. I let go of the young mage, not wanting to risk that my weight on her would be enough to rip out her own stitches, grabbing my sword and dragging it with me. My breathing came raggedly, my chest heaving heavily and my lungs feeling pretty much like they were closed for business. I walked towards the still twitching genlock, a faint presence still lingering in my mind. I started coughing, my lungs struggling to return to their normal state, while I tried to keep myself upright with the violent fit that overtaken me. Once it subsided, I once more looked at the dying fiend beneath me. And without hesitation, I plunged my sword into its back, twisting and turning as hard as I could, making sure it was dead, even beyond death.

"Let's go." I jumped at feeling a hand on my shoulder, adrenaline and rage still rushing through my veins. I closed my mouth when I turned and saw Zevran and wiped the soaking hair that clung to my face. I nodded and followed him into the inn. The rain didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon and I couldn't afford to walk around in rusty armor.

**

"Felsi, fetch hot water!"

"Thank you, but..."

"No, no!" The Spoiled Princess' innkeeper waved his hands in front of me, shaking his head from side to side, not giving me a chance to speak. "You saved us... _again!_ The least I can do is offer you some shelter, business is slow tonight so I can afford to give you a few rooms. It's the least we can do for the Hero of Ferelden!"

I cringed at my title, trying not to let it show. I was still not used to being acknowledged as such, as the savior of the nation. It was quite the departure from being a hunted Warden but apparently, it wasn't such a bad idea after all. It did get us free rooms and Maker knows how badly I needed to get some rest, in a proper _bed_.

I looked back at Erline, sitting down on a nearby table while holding her face on one hand, looking at the innkeeper. When she caught me looking at her, the young elf smiled at me and instinctively tugged on the sleeves of her soaked cloak, covering her wrists. There was definitely more to this girl but even so, she had saved my life. Blood mage or not (which I still refused to consider, to a point), she had chosen to save my life, in her own clumsy way. She had looked quite exhausted when she finished the spell and even despite its destructive force, it left her vulnerable, which is something inexcusable for a mage. She was most definitely inexperienced... but still, if she was to accompany us, I had to talk to her about it all. But now? A nice, comfortable bed was all that occupied my mind.

I dragged myself upstairs, letting myself into the room Felsi had prepared for me, the dwarf woman assuring me that she'd soon come to tend to my armor once she'd taken care of the "young'un". I merely sighed and closed the door behind me, removing my armor and dripping clothes underneath, carelessly leaving them on the ground while I entered the steaming tub that had been set on my room. The scalding water felt incredible on my weary limbs, the bruises of battle forgotten in the midst of the inviting warmth. I dipped myself entirely under water, letting my already soaked hair be washed off of all the blood and mud that covered it, the water quickly becoming a filthy mess but still too invitingly warm to allow me to willingly leave it. When my skin began to get goose bumps, I rose up from the tub, reaching for a towel that Felsi had left me, cleaning myself up and slipping into some clean breaches and simple shirt. I rubbed my hair in the towel, trying to get some of the wetness off it and braided it. When I started to gather up my armor into a corner, cleaning it up with the towel, I heard a light knock on the door.

Zevran did not wait for an answer before letting himself in, a glint of disappointment in his eyes as he entered.

"That's just plain rude, Zev."

"I was hoping to see you in the midst of other affairs... it looks like my lack of manners were for nothing."

I chuckled and resumed my task, not bothering to thoroughly clean either the plates or the chainmail that accompanied them, merely trying to get most of the water out of it.

"Anything broken?"

I looked up at the elf and shrugged, still remembering the hard blow I had been subject too and the enormous bruise on my chest.

"I don't think so. It hurts like hell but... I wasn't exactly being fondled by that _thing_."

"Let me see it."

I raised my eyebrow at him and stopped immediately my motions, placing down the plate I was working on.

"You're asking me to show you my chest? Hardly subtle."

"Don't be silly, my dear. If that was my objective..." He offered me a hand and smiled intently. "...I wouldn't even need to ask."

Rolling my eyes, I took his hand and got up to my feet, wincing with the pain that had installed itself neatly in every nook and cranny of my muscles. I did not want to admit it, but I was slightly nervous. Without a healing mage around, Zevran was the closest thing we had to a healer, knowing his way through a few injuries, both suffered and caused. I could not be sure if any of my ribs had been broken, so I had little choice if I wanted to continue our journey without any trouble. But being alone in a room with him, lifting my shirt, especially since what had transpired at camp... hardly ideal.

I tugged at my shirt with both hands, lifting it up to my breasts and gripping it with more force than necessary right below them, uncovering enough of my torso for him to see the blackened bruise that rose up to my chest. He raised his hands and looked at me, allowing me to nod for permission before touching my skin. His hands landed on my waist, touching every bone to see their state. As his hands rose up, the pain increased until I flinched away from his touch, despite his hands lingering over my ribs. His eyes rose up from my expose midsection and rested upon mine, heat rushing to my face and I panicked, wanting to hide my cheeks but knowing there was no way.

"I don't think there is anything broken..."

His touch lingered, not the touch of a healer or even a makeshift one. His hands were light over my skin and his fingers feathered towards my back. The light touch of his skin against mine, his gaze never leaving mine produced little jolts of electricity that ran up my spine, shame clouding my mind as I desperately wanted to push him away, cry out that I did not want this, at all. Then why was I wishing that he didn't stop? Closing my eyes, wishing that by not looking at him, the touch became more and more familiar?

Voices increasing in volume outside, closer to my door, made me finally take the step back while I pulled my shirt down. I couldn't bear to look at Zevran, despite his voice lightly whispering my name. My attention was forced on the door when it was brutally opened with a loud bang. A soaking figure stood on the doorway, an all too familiar set of eyes burning through me. My jaw dropped and I nearly collided against the tub that still remained filled with now cold water. I tried to speak but not a single sound came out, only Zevran's voice, dripping with venom, being heard through the silence.

"Hello Alistair."


	17. One Second

_A.N: Thanks to Abydos Jackson (: as usual. Also rating was changed to M. It was time, with the violence and the gore and... well, it was time. Enjoy._

* * *

I stared at the tall figure in the doorway, a hood over his head and his chest rising and falling with his quick breathing. His hand slowly raised to his head and tugged on the fabric, letting the hood fall over his back and revealing his light short hair. His eyes were fixated on me and Zevran and I could not tell if it was relief or hurt drowning in them.

"I see his Majesty has decided to pay us a visit. We are most honored."

I didn't know whether to scream, cry, run into his arms or just out of the room. I had dreaded the sight of him and yet at that time it seemed like it was everything I had ever wanted. I wasn't overjoyed with the prospect of actually having to _talk _to him but there was no escaping now. I looked at Zevran, a scowl on his face, less than happy to see Alistair ruining _his_ moment. I grabbed his arm and tried to look into his eyes, to give him some reassurance, to get him to leave us.

"Please, Zevran."

"Are you sure?" He wouldn't take his eyes off of Alistair, who was beginning to grow impatient and looked like he was soon to engage the elf in some enraged outburst.

"Yes. Please."

The elf let out a sigh and clenched his fists, taking one last glance at me and finally removing his arm from my grasp, walking towards the door. Alistair did not even look at him, staring at me and looking like he was forcing himself as hard as he could to not strike the assassin right then and there. Zevran stopped in front of him, looking straight into his eyes before making a mocking bow in front of him, finally walking out the door while bumping into the taller man.

Alistair closed his eyes and his hands balled into fists, until the door heavily closed behind him, making him finally open his eyes and face me.

"Ariadne..."

His voice came out hoarse, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he looked at me expectantly. I wanted to say so many things, so many thoughts cluttering in my mind but a simple bitter retort came out of my mouth.

"What are you doing here?"

"Not exactly the welcome I was expecting..." He carefully took one step towards me. "I was half hoping you to jump on me and shower me with kisses so...**"**

"Stop it, Alistair. I'm going to ask you again, _what _are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? Did you really think I was going to simply sit while you left, go and sulk in a corner, secretly wishing for you to come back? We both know better than that."

Little itty bitty bitter Ariadne was beginning to take over me and I tried as hard as I could to push her away, only to have her speaking on my behalf, my voice slightly higher than I expected.

"I can't believe you've left everything behind and--"

He raised his hands defensively in front of him and cut me off. "Let's not go down that road again, please."

"No, Alistair. Let's. You're the King now. You can't just run off over a whim..."

"You take yourself in too little consideration, to call yourself a _whim_... and no, I'm not that much of a fool, but thank you for the thought." Alistair's voice turned bitter and he looked away from me, clenching his jaw. "Really, thank you Ariadne."

I immediately regretted my words and walked towards the dresser that stood on the wall opposite of the door and further from him. I could feel my hands starting to sweat and I rubbed them against my shirt.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that..."

He looked at me, silent, nervously rubbing the back of his head before opening his mouth to speak.

"All the way down here, all the time we've been travelling--"

"We?"

"Leliana came with me," He did not stop, not giving me the chance to question Leliana's presence. "but that's not the point... all this time I've replayed over and over in my head, what I would say now, how you would react... truth be told it was slightly different in my head, but..."

"Alistair, for the Maker's sake-"

"No, don't. For once, just let me babble myself silly. I might stick both my feet in my mouth but if I stop now, I won't be able to say another word." He swallowed hard and looked at his own fists, taking a deep breath and looking right into my eyes. "So yes, maybe I was irresponsible, silly, an utter idiot for running after you, when you'll most likely scold me and tell me to go back to my little castle. But I can't, Maker, I can't, because I'm as maddened over you as I was back....in camp... but I know that I didn't act properly, that I shouldn't have hidden it from you, although I did have a perfectly good reason, you have to admit. I know I hurt you, I know-"

"Do you? Do you really, Alistair?" I took a deep breath and looked away from him, focusing my attention on some distant point on the far wall. "Because if you do, then please, by all means, tell me all about it. I didn't know... still don't know what to think."

"Ariadne..."

"No, let me finish. Maybe I'm stupid, Alistair. Maybe I'm being nothing more than the stupid little spoiled girl I am. I'm glad to be alive... Maker knows I am. But the whole reality of it all, of everything that it entails, of the possibility of it throwing all that we worked for away... even of you sleeping with someone else, no matter the circumstances... it boils my blood."

"You know I could never have possibly enjoyed it. It was the equivalent of chopping off my own arm. By Andraste's knickers, that would've been more pleasant... but you hardly gave me a choice."

I stared at him, clenching my jaw, trying to measure my own words. Could I really fault him for his actions? Could I truly point a finger at him for trying to save me, when in reality, I was willing to sacrifice myself to do _the exact same thing_?

"I..." Swallowing hard, I tried to get the words to come out, to actually speak out what had just been caught on my throat. I hated to admit I was wrong, even just slightly, especially when it still hurt within me. I tugged at my own fingers and finally mustered the courage to look into his eyes.

"I know. Maker, I know... and yet I can't stop it. And to top it all off... we've always been truthful to each other, Alistair. No matter what. I never hid anything from you and all the decisions I made... _we_ always knew everything. I didn't expect it from you. First, leaving me for Ferelden and then... doing exactly the opposite."

"I know but... come what may. And Duncan forgive me... wherever he is... for saying this, but... I do not regret it. Yes, Ariadne, considering all of the possibilities and consequences of having given that witch some half-demon baby... child... thing. I will never regret it, for as long as we live."

A knot formed in my throat and I leaned against the dresser that sat behind me. I did not feel him move until he stood right before me, his face dangerously close and his hands hovering over my arms. His scent was inebriating and I could feel my knees almost giving in under me. I wanted to forget it all but... I could never make myself forget.

"I wish... I wish I could whisk you away and marry you, have plenty of children, live in a nice cottage and play with our grandchildren. Watch them grow up, us grow old and spend every living waking moment beside you. But..." He hung his head lower, averting his gaze for just a moment, before locking his eyes on mine once more. "Life isn't like that. I wish it was but it isn't, but that doesn't change what we are. And despite all the hardships, all of the obstacles, all we can do is make the best of it..."

Alistair kept looking at me, hope flooding from his eyes as he waited for a response from me. His hands were now firmly on my shoulders and he had leaned in towards me. I could feel his breath on my lips and I could tell he was restraining himself, trying as hard as he could to not take that one final step, letting me bridge the gap between us. But his words had frozen me. I simply stood there, looking at his lips, unable to move for what seemed like an eternity.

_I couldn't forget, I couldn't, I just... _

_Could I?_

He took a step back, lowering his head and letting out a sigh. His hands were quivering on my shoulders and I didn't know what I should do. I felt tied up by an invisible rope but Alistair had made the decision for me, stepping away and releasing his grip on me. This time, his gaze didn't return to me, his voice coming out low, almost a whisper.

"Fine. If that's the way you want it... I still do not regret it."

Never glancing back, he started heavily walking towards the door, his hand already gripping the handle when something clicked within me. I rushed to him and placed my hand over his ungloved fingers, the feeling of his skin on mine making small jolts of electricity run through me. He turned back slightly, first looking at his own hand and then at me, a questioning and surprised look settling itself on his features. I tightened my grip, lacing my fingers on his and breathing heavily, my chest feeling like it was going to explode.

Before I knew it, his other hand reached behind my neck and pulled me into him, his lips locking into mine as my breath got caught on my throat. Never letting go of his own hand, I circled my other arm around him, his battered old splint mail feeling uncomfortable against my own flesh, an unwanted obstacle against my desire to feel his familiar form against me. When my tongue touched his, he let go of my hand and of his restraint, pushing me against the door, the only sound on the room being of my protesting when the handle collided with my back. Even so, the pain wasn't enough to dissuade me, my lips hungrily covering his as he muttered apologies over and over.

I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to force out every single unwanted thought that had lodged itself on my mind for the past month. I did not want to stop touching him, gripping him, afraid that it'd all dispel as an illusion. I did not want hurt, pain or reason. Reality was an unwanted guest in the room and I tried to keep it at bay as hard as I could. His fingers dug into my hips and I was sure that they would be marked in the morning after, but I did not care, letting his soaked cloak fall to the floor while my fingers clumsily searched for the clasps that kept his armor together. As soon as he got rid of the upper portions of it, his hands reached behind me and lifted me up, holding me effortlessly against him.

The wooden door shook on its hinges when I was thrown against it once more, Alistair's mouth now leaving mine to breathe and he kissed the curve of my neck, tracing it lightly with his tongue. I shivered under him, barely managing to wrap my legs around him before he circled his arms around me, taking me away from where we stood and dropping me slowly on the bed near us. I sat for a second on the edge of the bed while he stripped his shirt off, not bearing to be away from him for so long. I gripped his forearms and pulled him to me, taking a deep breath before diving into his kiss once more. He obliged and kissed me although releasing from my grip just long enough to pull my breaches from me.

All of my resolve, any shred of doubt was torn away from me when his calloused hand ran up my inner thigh and a low moan escaped my throat. I leaned my head backwards, drowning in the sensation, letting him lay me on the bed, his own body following mine. I couldn't hear his whispers or my own breathing and in my bewildering state, all I could do was claw at his back and wrap my legs around him. His voice began to sound clearer and soon he was whispering my name against my hair. I sighed and tried to focus on the feeling of his weight on me, not wanting to ruin the moment with unwanted overwhelming emotion. It was not only my body that needed him, it was my soul.

I dug my nails into his shoulders when we finally became one. The sensation seemed like it had been last felt ages ago, in a time where it had all been so different. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted it so desperately, to let him breathe life into me. I caught his lips and let him move with me, a bittersweet pleasure building up within me as his whispers became more and more vivid and my own breathing quickened. I never wanted to stop, not now but soon it all erupted and I quivered underneath him while he followed me. My eyes remained closed, my eyelids being showered with light kisses. His heavy body on me didn't become uncomfortable and I felt strange when he rolled into his side, leaving his arm around me while he buried his face in my hair.

I could feel his smile on my neck but I could not force myself to wear that same grin. I turned to him and put my leg over his, burying my face in his neck, not wanting to look at his eyes. Not wanting to be reminded. Not wanting to see. I wanted to cherish what we had, now, a long time, it didn't matter. For a moment, for a small, fickle moment I had felt complete. And as Alistair's breathing subsided and his calming state urged me to follow him into sleep, I couldn't help but feel my heart breaking all over again.


	18. Entwined

_A.N.: Yesss.... it's been a while. Sorry for the uber late update, college and my job have pretty much taken my soul away these past weeks. Hence the absence :p hope this somewhat makes up for it... thanks for keeping on reading it (:_

All night I waited for sleep to take me but it never did. Slipping in and out of consciousness, I barely managed to close my eyes, Alistair's arm draped over me. My mind was restless and I couldn't stop my thoughts from racing through it. Everything had felt so right, if only for a few moments. But this, all of this... us, laying here, my skin touching his and his hand resting on my waist... why did it feel so fickle? That very same day I was so sure that he had betrayed me, that he deserved every single ounce of my rage but now... the anger within me had subsided, the last figment of it dissolved that very night when his words swelled my heart.

I could question his reasoning, I wanted to and I had been driven by senseless jealousy... but more and more, I could not avoid questioning myself what I would've done if I were in his place. I would've gladly given my life for him but what if... did I truly have the right to judge him? Confusion clouded my mind and I needed some air.

_And despite all the hardships, all of the obstacles, all we can do is make the best of it..._

The night sky was just beginning to become clearer, announcing the brink of dawn, when I decided to finally get out of bed. But deciding and actually doing it were two different things and I do not know how long I lay there, simply looking at him. The little light that the moon offered was all that allowed me to gaze on him, although I knew every single contour of his features, of his body, all too well to need any illumination. Alistair's breathing was steady and peaceful, his lips slightly parted and a boyish smile tugging at the corners of his mouth when I placed my hand on his waist.

His words still resonated within me and I wanted nothing more than to simply lay with him, between those mended sheets that never seemed more perfect. In the midst of the coarse linens that enveloped us, where no one, high or low, could reach us. But soon, the dawn would come, relentless and unforgiving, and with it so would reality. Like a harsh, pounding rock. To think of everything that still stood ahead of us, what could still possibly be and how could our victory still be turned into defeat... I refused to think of it. No, not now.

I rose from the bed, slowly, sitting up and never averting my gaze from him. I wanted to caress his cheek but was afraid that it might end up waking him, so I held my hand against my breast, trying as quietly and steadily as I could, to move my legs to the side and to get out of the bed. Before I could make another movement, I felt a grip on my wrist, Alistair's warm fingers tight around it.

"Where are you going?"

He lazily opened one eye, his voice drowning in sleep. But even despite his apparent lethargic state, his grip did not loosen. I leaned in and kissed his forehead, letting my free hand caress his cheek.

"I can't sleep. I'm only going downstairs, to get something to eat, or drink... or something. Don't worry."

"If you're not back in 10 minutes... come after me... you, you... I'll come after you..."

"Shh... don't worry. I'm not leaving."

His grip loosened slightly and I released the rest of his fingers, caressing his hair while I rested my cheek against his, hoping it would be enough reassurance. Finally getting out of the bed, I looked for my discarded clothes that had been tossed around the room. I picked up the breeches that stood ruffled at the foot of the bed, slipping them on. My shirt was quite the rumpled mess, having been left in a pile in a corner of the room. Not caring about whether I was presentable, I merely put a cloak over my shoulders and carefully turned the door handle, slipping out of the room as silently as possible.

The innkeeper was apparently snoring behind the counter, the loud noise being heard even upstairs. He kept a short sword by his side, most likely out of ... due to the unexpected attack before. A few carefully placed torches lit the room and they cast their orange light on Erline's hair, as always falling heavily in front of her face, while she sat on one of the tables, chin in one hand and mindlessly stirring a bowl of porridge with the other. Her blue eyes shone through her locks when she lifted her head up to see me, her right hand stopping mid stir and her mouth slightly agape as if she was about to speak. But not a single word came out of her until I reached her table and took my place on a stool.

"Couldn't sleep?"

She nodded and placed her hands on her lap, looking unsure of what to say. I glanced sideways at the innkeeper who had just let out a loud snore that sounded like it could bring the whole inn down and Erline didn't try to stifle a smile when I jumped at the sound of the man' snoring. I brushed my loose hair behind my ear and smiled back at her, resting my arms on the table.

"I never got to properly thank you."

She didn't say a word, looking up at me, slightly taken aback. It was fairly obvious she didn't expect me to mention it.

"For saving me from getting sliced in half."

"Oh. Hum..." Erline started pulling on her pinky finger and stared at the nearest torch on the wall, letting her whole face be illuminated by the flames.

"I should've done better though... I misspelled the incantation for a second and had to do it all over again and..." I cut her off by grabbing her hand, once more taking her by surprise.

"You saved me. Thank you."

For the first time I could see the young girl smiling broadly, her eyes gleaming. She didn't try to remove her hand from mine but quickly hid most of her smile.

"Well... you saved me first."

I removed my hand from hers and returned it to its original place on the table, still looking at the young elf. I noticed Erline nervously tugging on her sleeves, avoiding looking at me. Both memory and my curiosity were piqued so I tried to take the opportunity to ask her about the suspicions Zevran had planted on my head.

"Erline..."

She looked at me, crossing her arms in front of her chest instinctively. I tried to smile, offering some warmth and, hopefully, some empathy.

"You do realize what the Right of Conscription is, right? And what it entails?"

"I know of the Grey Wardens. If... that's what you mean. And I thank you for that. "

"You do realize being a Warden is quite the..." I exhaled, trying to find the right words to explain what it entailed, without fully revealing it all. "Well, it requires full dedication."

"Well..." Erline pulled even more on her sleeves, covering half of her fingers with them. "I'm a mage. A rubbish one... but a mage. An _apostate_, they say. I have no home, no family..."

The last few words made her lip quiver and, never letting go of her sleeves, she rose one hand up to her mouth, covering it. She smiled once more, timidly, not being able to disguise the sadness in her eyes.

"If anything, you're offering me a way out, I think... I mean, hum... I don't mean like a way out of jail, you know? I had never seen darkspawn so close, I never understood the threat... and I'm not very good, I know, but at least now I have a purpose... of sorts. I think."

Her words were all too familiar and I almost refrained from asking her the one question that kept gnawing at me. I could already hear the birds chirping outside, marking the arrival of dawn and the innkeeper stirred in his place. I had to ask her. But not now. Not here.

I got up from my stool, trying not to drag it around loudly, trying my best to be as silent as I could be. But I was never very all that stealthy and it was proven when the man stirred once more in his sleep as I slid the stool underneath me. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at Erline, who was biting on her finger, looking slightly amused. I liked to see her like that, with some sort of happiness in her eyes.

"It'll still be a while before we leave... try and get some sleep."

She nodded but stood on her place, simply watching as I climbed back up the stairs and walked to my room. Despite Zevran's words, I could not bring myself to be suspicious of this girl. In an eerie way, and as little as we had in common, she reminded me too much of myself. And for that, I felt compelled... no, I wanted to give her a second chance, do for her what Duncan had done for me over a year ago. Because we all deserve another chance... don't we?

I did not realize when I finally reached my room until I faced the heavy wooden door in front of me. I had to turn the handle to open it but I could not bring my hand to it. I had stopped in front of the door, placing my hand on the splintered wood, trying to gain the courage to step inside. Something inside me kept telling me that it had all been a dream and that there would be nothing but an empty bed inside. And a small part of me, the lazy one, who wanted no trouble, wished for it to be true. I leaned my head against the door and sighed heavily, berating myself for my own thoughts.

Right or wrong, he gathered up the courage to come after me, not knowing what my answer would be. Now I was to put my own pride aside, admit to being a hothead who let her judgment be clouded by jealousy and simply just _tell him_. Tell him why I was so mad, why I was so hurt, why I was so damned _terrified_. And there I was, deathly afraid of opening the door, scared to face him again, to actually have to bring myself to discuss what we would do next... scared that he might not even be there. For the Maker' sake, Ariadne, you've ended a Blight, defeated an Arch Demon, braved the Deep Roads. I managed to confuse my own self.

Deciding to stop being silly, I straightened up myself and grabbed the handle, quickly turning it and throwing myself inside the room, closing the door behind me. Alistair was still there, yet not as I left him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, the dim light of the awakening sun outside allowing me to see part of his shadowed features. His lips curved into a smile when he saw me, putting his hands on my waist when I approached him.

"Good morning."

"I told you I'd be back." I stood in front of him, taking his hands and lacing my fingers through his.

"I can see that." Using his advantage in force over me, he pulled me towards him, laying back against the bed, making me lay over him. His lips were suddenly on mine, warm and hungry, the tepid warmth soon becoming fire as I no longer felt the weight of the cloak I had over me and his hands roamed along my back. My loose hair fell beside his face as one of his hands buried itself on it, caressing the back of my head. I was already loosing myself on him. I wanted him, to be with him and no one else but I had crafted safe illusions on my head for far too long.

"Alistair..." I called out to him, my words muffled against his mouth.

"Hmm..." He began nibbling on my ear, sending shivers down my spine and making it hard for me to concentrate on... anything, for that matter.

I placed my hands beside him and forced myself out of his grip, rising up from him and stepping away, trying to keep the physical contact to a minimum. Alistair was taken by surprise and I could tell by his eyes that he was both curious and afraid due to my reaction.

"Well... it's nearly morning. We should start getting ready and..."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is." I turned to the window and walked to it, the faint silhouettes of the corpses still laying outside. I fixed my attention on the lake and tried to keep my posture.

"We have a long journey... we're going to Amaranthine, we're travelling by the shore though, past Highever. We can't afford to go through the most common roads... with you being King and all, and then, near Dragon's peak we'll-"

"We could though. I'm supposed to be in Amaranthine anyway."

I turned and stared at him, frowning my eyebrows, trying to register what he had just said. He rubbed the back of his head and looked at me, worry and suspicion clouding his features.

"I left Eamon as regent. Told him I had to rebuild the Grey Wardens first."

"But... you'll have to go back. Eventually."

"Eventually." He let the word escape and immediately pursed his lips. I leaned against the closed window and crossed my arms, trying not to look at Alistair.

"And then what?"

I could see the uncertainty in his eyes, the same that loomed over me. He opened his mouth once, as if to speak, but closed it. Leaning his head back, he let out a sigh and turned his gaze to me, giving me a half hearted smile.

"Then, we head to Amaranthine. After that, you lead the way, I guess. You know I was never too good with that sort of thing. That way, we avoid wandering aimlessly in circles and end up right back here after a few months."

Both of us knew full well what I had asked him. But he had avoided the question and a small part of me was washed over with relief. But still, his hesitation stirred something within me. The same uneasiness I had been feeling ever since we had been reunited. I had no words and did not know what to do.

"I'm going..." I raised my hand and clumsily pointed to the door. "To check up on the others. We should get going."

"Alright."

I left the room as quickly as I had entered, letting out all of the air I had been holding as soon as I closed the door behind me. I could hear movement and faint voices downstairs and that meant, most likely, that the innkeeper had finally awaken. Now, to wake up Oghren. A terrible, dangerous task, to wake up a deep sleeping, most likely plastered dwarf. But oddly, it didn't seem all that daunting now.

The sun was already up and shining when I stepped outside with Zevran. I had tried to reason with the Spoiled Princess' owner to at least let us help be rid of the corpses but between blabbering of "Oh, wait until they hear the King was here!" and "Oh his Majesty cannot do such a thing!", we ended up agreeing that eventually, the mages and the templars would be asked for help. The festering corpses tainted the scenery and it wasn't easy for me to make such an agreement but a swift elbow to the ribs from Zevran was enough to make me realize that we would be simply wasting time.

Oghren stumbled from within the inn, looking a little more than intoxicated and it was hard for me to tell if it was due to ale or just having been woken up by freezing water to the face.

"Good morning, my dear Oghren."

"Yeah, yeah. Go jump in the lake and see if you like it. Sodding, stupid..." The dwarf muttered while walking to a few bushes slightly away from the inn, where a tree allowed for some shadow and to keep the rays away from his eyes.

Alistair suddenly walked out the door as well and stood, looking at the sun, his hair gleaming in the morning light. He ran his hand through his hair and looked past Zevran, fixating his eyes on me and smiling.

"Off we go then. Just like the good old days, eh?"

I simply smiled back and remained where I was, hands behind my back, tugging on my fingers nervously. Zevran leaned sideways and whispered, just barely loud enough for me to ear.

"So his Majesty is travelling with us to the Bastion, yes? I feel quite honored, to be able to travel with such a figure, really."

"He isn't." I looked at Alistair, who had walked Oghren's way and tried, unsuccessfully, to strike up conversation. "He just doesn't know it yet."


	19. Creeping Darkness

The sky was clear, the sun was shining and birds were happily chirping. I had been able to sleep through most of the night, despite getting startled when Ariadne suddenly got out of bed. I was still afraid to wake up without her but my fear turned out to be unjustified. It was a beautiful morning when I stepped outside, despite it doing nothing for my less than cheery mood, finding both Ariadne and Zevran already ready to travel, apparently. Ariadne only gave me a smile as an answer, cuttingly cold despite the warm sun rays so I stepped away and walked towards Oghren, who had steered away from those two as well.

Oghren wasn't all that talkative, mostly grunting here and there. I could only imagine what Ariadne had done to get him out of bed but from the looks of it, it hadn't been pleasant. Oghren sat down on a rock, taking advantage of the shade the tree above us gave him. I leaned against the tree as well and looked sideways towards the inn's entrance. Zevran was leaning a little too close for comfort, seemingly whispering to Ariadne. She didn't move an inch but her lack of reaction bothered me as much as if she had even gave him a smile. I could barely see the elf's eyes from where I stood, but I was almost certain that he was mocking me, in some way. Then again, when wasn't he? I was getting quite annoyed at him... being way too close to her, when the door suddenly opened and Ariadne looked back, opening her arms and launching herself towards the figure that stood out. Leliana wrapped her arms around her and their voices resounded through the air, a mix of squealing and giggling that could only come from those two.

Behind Leliana, the young elven girl I had seen the night before, stepped out as well. She kept her head low, her hair dangling in front of her face, almost as if it were a mask or some kind of protection. Ariadne seemed to be presenting her to Leliana, but I felt no desire to walk in and introduce myself. Then again, how would I introduce myself nowadays?

_Well, hi there, I'm Alistair, King of all you can see around you. Oh no, don't bow, no need for it. How's it going?_

It was best to stay put, really. Apparently, Ariadne hadn't lost her old habit of picking up strays at every corner, although I could only wonder what purpose led her to pick up this girl who seemed all too intent of keeping her arms crossed in front of her and her eyes away from anyone else. Even Zevran, as odd as it seems, did not spare her a glance. Instead, he was looking my way, toying with a small dagger. My attention was taken away from him, as Oghren's voice suddenly hit me.

"Pike twirler. Stop oggling your woman. It's too obvious and really not funny anymore."

"I wasn't... Maker, you _are_ in a rotten mood."

"Yeah, yeah, all that and a pint of ale. Stop it. And take a step to the left. You're not blocking the sun well enough."

I positioned myself more in front of Oghren and sighed. It was going to be a long, long journey.

* * *

We were heading towards Highever. Ariadne had mentioned she wanted to make a stop there, since it was on the way to Amaranthine, surely enough to see her brother and Dog, but I didn't ask her. Not that I actually managed to have a single word with her since we left Lake Calenhad, as she rode in the front along with Leliana, apparently catching up their conversation. The sky had cleared up after the pouring rain from the day before and the air felt slightly warmer, the splintmail not feeling as cold and heavy as it did before. Cloaks had been discarded in favor of the warmer weather but the young elven girl (whom I had heard being called Erline, by Ariadne) insisted on keeping hers on, the sleeves being so long they almost covered her entire hands. Even so, she insisted on tugging on them, making her small hands disappear in the midst of the fabric.

"Alistair, have you met our new friend yet?"

I turned my head to the side, only to see Zevran smiling at me. The elf turned his glance to Erline and then back to me, the corners of his lips curving even more. I wanted nothing more than to simply not have to speak with him, especially after knowing that he had spent all this time with Ariadne and finding him, half naked, in her bedroom back at the inn. Despite getting no answer from me but the most neutral look I could muster (which was most likely filled with contempt, and poison and other nice things), he kept on talking, to my most obvious pleasure.

"Erline, I mean. This lovely young girl who has joined us. She's a mage as well, didn't you know?"

The black haired girl turned her eyes slightly to Zevran, obviously as bothered by him as I was, trying to rid herself of this one way conversation.

"And Erline, I don't think you've had the chance to meet our old friend Alistair. He's been crowned recently, but before that, he was to become a templar. Quite interesting, wouldn't you say?"

The girl's eyes shot at me, her eyebrows raised and her jaw clenching, quickly turning her eyes to the horse's mane in front of her. I could see her hands trembling slightly and I couldn't understand why the sudden reaction. Ariadne abruptly turned her horse around and placed herself between Zevran and Erline, not giving me a chance to answer her. She didn't look happy, _at all_, and all I could see from Zevran's part was that all knowing, defying smile he so loved to sport.

"Whatever you wish."

It was all I could hear from the elf, Ariadne glancing back at me and then resuming her position at the front with Leliana. When before, it was not uncommon for her to spend the entire journey by my side, now it seemed that she had no intention of doing so. And, perhaps stupidly, I could not stop myself from wondering what I had done wrong... _again._ Despite our conversation and what followed, she seemed awfully cold and distant. And in the back of my mind, I was sure her question that I never answered had something to do with it.

_And then what...?_

More often than not I had cursed my own blood, my own inheritance for it brought nothing worthwhile to me. And the moment those words reached my ears was truly one more of those moments when I wished to be nothing more than just Alistair, almost-templar.

A loud thud suddenly ripped me away from my thoughts and I jumped startled on my horse, making it stop and pace around, as startled as I was. Oghren, in his deep slumber, had managed to fall down to the ground, loudly cursing and thrashing about while trying to realize just exactly where he was. I looked back to Ariadne and for a moment her eyes locked on mine but she quickly avoided my gaze, fixating her attention on Oghren. I couldn't help but let out a sigh, dismounting to help the dwarf.

It was going to be a long journey, indeed.

We were travelling for quite a few hours when the ongoing choir of rumbling stomachs warranted a stop. We had not taken a break since we left Calenhad and the sky was already darkening above us. The air was beginning to grow cold, although not as cold as the night before. Even so, the promise of a fire and a hot meal was enough for Ariadne to decide to stop in a nearby clearing, to give us all some rest.

I was half expecting her to sit by me, as she always did, but after getting a nice serving of steaming stew, she sat opposite of me, near the elven girl Erline. She grabbed the girl's hand and passed her the bowl, apparently urging her to eat while she got up, getting another serving, and once more sitting next to Erline. I tried to brush it off, after all we had only met again barely for a day... apologies were made but were amends made as well? I wanted to believe they were but still...

After everyone finished their meal, Leliana offered to sing to us. Oghren was busy trying to remove the cork from a particular bottle while Zevran sat near him, fiddling with his dagger as usual. Leliana's voice began to echo throughout the camp, the soft melody eliciting a peace I had not felt in quite a while. Despite everything, all odds and all that we faced at the time, the bard's voice seemed to always have that effect, to stop time in that particular moment and to entrance us within the waves of her voice.

I glanced at Zevran who was still holding his dagger but was staring intently towards Ariadne, who simply sat on a rock while Erline leaned her head on her shoulder. Despite absolutely loathing it, I was accustomed to seeing the elf throw Ariadne quite a few dirty looks, most likely wondering what was under her armor and how to get her out of it. But this time he was oddly serious, his eyes lacking their usual lustful look. Leliana turned his gaze to him and he broke his look upon Ariadne, going back to fiddling with the blade on his hands. I could feel my fists balling up and my shoulders tensing and it took all of my strength to keep me where I was sitting. I'd love nothing more than to plant one on that dirty elf's face but I could not stop reminiscing the look on his face, his eyes. And it bothered me, burning through my mind like acid. He wasn't thinking what he could do with all the laces in her armor, no. He was looking at her exactly the same way I did. And it boiled my blood.

When Leliana's singing stopped, my attention was drawn to Ariadne who had gotten up to kiss the bard's cheek, turning afterwards to check on the fire that had started dwindling. She stretched herself, rising her arms above her head, the orange light of the flames reflecting itself on her armor.

"Hum. I'd better get some more wood for this." She began to walk towards the nearby trees without sparing a glance back. "I'll be right back."

I sat there on my rock, trying to decide whether or not I should go after her, if collecting wood at night was really the right opportunity to have some alone time. But, by the look of things, I wasn't going to get any other opportunity very soon, so I got up and ran to her, putting my hand on Ariadne's shoulder when I finally reached her, right at the edge of the woods. She jumped startled and turned to me, wide eyed, letting out a sigh and patting me on my chest.

"Maker's breath, you scared me, Alistair!"

"You're not even into the woods yet and you're already jumpy? You disappoint me, Ariadne." She smiled slightly at my response and then looked at the camp, turning her eyes away from me.

"Come on, let's go. I might as well help you. And the fair maiden can't quite go around by herself in the middle of the night, where some ghastly fiend might catch her."

She didn't stifle a chuckle and began to walk again, supporting herself on a tree while jumping over some roots that had made their way to the surface. Here and there, she leaned down to catch some twigs that seemed dry enough and began her trek once more, talking about everything and yet nothing.

"I think there is a small village past the West Hill, I thought we could stop there since it'll be still one or two days until we reach Highever from there. To restock, get some proper rest. That sort of thing."

We had walked pretty deeply into the woods, the air noticeably damper and thicker with humidity. The leaves and branches formed dark shapes that gave way to wild thoughts created by wild imaginations but at least from darkspawn, we seemed to be safe. For now. Even so, I couldn't stand anymore all the idle, meaningless chatter, so I grabbed her wrist and walked in front of her, standing right where she could not escape my eyes.

"Ariadne..."

"Alistair, what-?"

"What's wrong?"

She raised her eyebrow and looked quizzically at me, her wrist feeling cold in my hand but the mere touch of her skin eliciting shivers down my spine. It felt like there was a revolution going on in my stomach and I almost felt compelled to smack it and tell whatever there was to knock it off.

"Aside from the fact that the wood is all damp in here?"

"You're distant."

"I'm right here."

"No, you're not."

She looked past my shoulder and sighed, swallowing down and not looking directly at me.

"You didn't sit next to me."

I wanted to slap myself as soon as the words left my mouth. All the charm I might've had, whisking her away into the woods (well, not really) and what might've followed, was quickly replaced by me feeling like I was ten years old, whining over how I didn't get her to sit next to me. My embarrassment grew further when she let out a loud chuckle and stared at me, an unsure smile dancing on her lips.

"Is this because of that?"

"You know what I mean."

Her eyes betrayed her so she tried to hide them away from me once more, but I cupped her chin with my other hand, releasing her wrist and caressing her hand instead. For a moment, that seemed to last forever, she remained silent. Her eyes didn't leave mine this time and she parted her lips slightly, as if trying to say something. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, the heat of the fire still present on her cheeks, her cold hand contrasting against my own. But her voice suddenly cut through the silence and I restrained myself.

"I can't face you."

Her words both bewildered me and made my stomach churn. Some devilish little imp was surely sitting on my shoulder, whispering to me of how Zevran was looking at her before, how it could not be for nothing. I thought the most ridiculous of thoughts and yet, I feared them all. She lowered her head and her shoulders shook slightly, with dim laughter that seemed more of sadness than of happiness. She rose her gaze back up to mine and inhaled deeply.

"I berated you for hurting me. For not telling me what you had done when we had been nothing but transparent to each other. But the more I think of it... I am most definitely, not a pit of virtue. I lied to Morrigan. I didn't kill Flemeth."

"I know." I said, despite even her confession coming off as a surprise.

"You do?" Confusion took over her features and she furrowed her eyebrows, her hand clenching on my own.

"Yes, well... Leliana sort of blabbed about it while we were travelling. Although I'm not quite sure I get why you would do such a thing but..."

She rubbed her eyes with her free hand and let out a deep sigh, surely cursing Leliana and her big mouth. But she seemed slightly relieved as well. Well, just a little.

"So do you understand now why I acted the way I did?"

"You mean, running off to nowhere, on a mad quest to catch the conniving little witch? All the while yelling at me and, most likely, cursing under your breath at any given chance?"

I quickly bit my tongue when I saw that I hadn't even managed to get a smile out of Ariadne. Her eyes seemed pained and her hand didn't feel like it warmed even the slightest bit.

"I can't face you. Because I don't want to face this guilt. Of being the catalyst of all... of this. I blamed you, I let myself be ravaged by jealousy and for a while it worked. You once said I was an optimist to everyone but myself. It's true, really. You are honorable. The kindest man I know. And the Alistair I know... not the King... you. You wouldn't put Ferelden on the line for... _anything_. And I do not want to see you changed, I do not want to see you throw away everything you believe in because of me. I'm at fault here. I let her live, I let you know about the ritual... I am the one to blame. And for that I am sorry. For acting like a spoiled child."

"Stop, please."

Her words felt like small pins burying themselves on my flesh. I had still not come to terms with what I had done but I could never blame her. I couldn't hear her. I did not want to come to the full realization of what it all meant. I wanted simply to think that it would all be alright, that we would be together through this. But deep down, I knew what she meant. The King could not put the country on the line and she would not be the one to make that happen, when she was the one that believed in me enough to put me on the throne. The throne... she did not see herself beside me. And I still could not answer the question she had made me that very same day.

_And then what...?_

So I kissed her. I let my arms circle around her and hold on as tightly as I could. She dug her fingers onto my shoulders and returned the kiss, her lips feeling as hot as smoldering fire. I felt dizzy in her grasp, not wanting to let go and fearful of opening my eyes. I never admitted it to her, but I was as scared as she was, for all the same reasons. For that half demon child... and whatever came afterwards. When we finally broke free, gasping for breath, she muttered apologies against my mouth. I merely caressed her hair, loose behind her.

"Ariadne, stop. Don't... please. Let's try to put this past us. Please."

She leaned her head against my chest, shivering slightly and circled her arms around my waist.

"You're better than I am."

"Well, I think that goes without saying, really."

She hit me on the shoulder, giving me a faked angry look. But I could still see a hint of sadness in her eyes. Both of us wanted to put all of the hurt and mistakes past us. But the future that lay ahead felt far more terrifying.

* * *

We continued to travel for a few more days, camping here and there when we could. Ariadne seemed to have warmed up slightly, sharing her tent with me. It wasn't uncommon for her to simply get inside without a single word and immediately shut me up with kisses, which led invariably to other things. However, despite wanting nothing more than to hold her and fall asleep that way, she would always grab her clothes and step outside for a while, sitting and talking with whoever was on watch duty at the time. She would invariably return, but her sudden departure never ceased to bother me.

There were small moments that would bring some reassurance, though. Like when we were having a nice stew that Leliana had offered to prepare for us, quite different from the mush I used to cook. I was concentrating on the tiny bits of carrot the bard had chucked into the meal, carefully cut into equal parts. I couldn't quite understand the purpose of wasting time doing such a thing when it was meant to be eaten, not seen, but I had learned long before not to trash Orlesian cooking in front of Leliana. Besides, I had to admit the taste was far better than anything I could've arranged. Although just not out loud. Ariadne sat next to me, after finishing her meal and grabbed my hand, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I can't exactly eat and grow to be a strong man if you keep holding my hand like that."

"Are you complaining?"

"No, not really."

She let go of my hand and passed her arm under mine instead, snuggling against me. I couldn't concentrate on the food, with all the swelling my heart was doing at her sudden demonstration of affection. And that night, she did not leave the tent. For a moment, I felt somewhat relieved and believed that it would all be, indeed, alright.

After a few nights on the road, we finally reached the village Ariadne had mentioned. Ipres, she said it was called. It was quite dark but a few scattered torches on a few houses helped us along the way. The village was quite small, with no walls whatsoever surrounding it, seemingly being the home place of simple farmers and fishermen. As we reached the first house, the air felt thick and heavy, a few nets scattered on a corner, ripped and far beyond repair. It was quite odd that the inhabitants of a coastal village, that most likely lived off of fishing, allowed their instruments to become so tattered.

Zevran approached one of the nearest windows, looking through it while furrowing his brow. There was most certainly something not right in here. He turned to us and mouthed the word "empty", moving on to the next and the next and the next. I followed him and tried to see through the dirtied glass as well. Not a thing, no corpses, nothing. Tables were set, plates filled with food, toys scattered on the ground and the remnants of burnt wood on fireplaces. All signs of living, breathing people but there was not a soul in sight. Ariadne seemed quite uneasy and unsheathed her sword, gripping the handle until her knuckles turned white.

We all suddenly turned our heads when a howl was heard, an otherworldly sound that echoed through the deserted village. It did not sound like a wolf and I immediately unsheathed my own sword, trying to see if I could make out something in the far distance. Oghren had his axe ready to strike the first thing to attack him although the threat was still very much unknown. I could not feel the taint within me so it couldn't be darkspawn. I looked at Ariadne and she seemed to read my thoughts. Most definitely not darkspawn.

"We need to get out of here."

Oghren had barely finished the sentence when a blackened mist seemed to rise from the ground, a sulfurous stench invading my nostrils along with it. We all closed in to each other, back to back, ready for our attacker. But the next thing I saw was Ariadne getting struck by _something_ on her legs, making her fall face first unto the ground. I shouted her name and tried to reach her, but before I could do so, I felt a blunt force hitting my head and throwing me on the ground. I saw... scales... glimmering teeth, grinning at me. And then, darkness.


	20. Ravenous

_A.N.: As always, thanks to Abydos Jackson for putting up with me (:_

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* * *

_

I could feel my head throbbing on the cold stony ground.

Trying to lift it, I felt my hair sticking to my face on its left side, urging me to stay as I were. The last thing I had seen was that strange mist that rose up from the ground in Ipres and Alistair's voice shouting after me. After that, only darkness, that and the stench of decaying flesh was all that enveloped me now. I tried to open my eyes but the faint flicker of fire was enough to make me squint, managing to see only blurry shadows and faint colors. Not only did I feel something running from my head, I could also feel a slimy, wet... _something_, slithering along the side of my side, again... and again... and again... until it hit what most likely was an open wound and it made a surge of pain bolt through my head and my entire body. Raising my hand to my gash, I felt that strange presence on my fingers, leaving a wet trail where it passed, stopping as soon as it was blocked by my hand.

Rolling on my side, I became aware of the pain in my legs that had been knocked from under me earlier. I tried once more to open my eyes, rubbing them with my free hand. Whatever stood in front of me, became clearer with every bat of an eyelid, before I finally realized that a _very_ sharp set of teeth were to be my welcoming card. Not sparing another thought, I scrambled away from that image, trying to ignore the pain that put me off balance and forced me to drag myself instead of actually managing to pick myself up to my feet.

But then I finally saw her... _it_. Those very same teeth, splayed out in a childlike grin, yellowed and tinged with the redness of blood. Long brown hair fell at the sides of her face, matted with the filth and dirt that covered the tattered rags that she wore as clothes. Her eyes were so very dark, not a hint of white in them, and she stayed crouching with her hand forward to give her support. That slithering presence I had felt was her tongue, long and reptile like, snaking along her lips to pick up the remnants of blood that covered the corners of her small mouth. This creature had been licking my wounds and in my bewildered state, I could do nothing more but stare at her, trying to figure exactly what I was facing.

In rapid, twitchy movements, the girl in front of me turned her head from side to side, eyeing me and trying to pick up my scent with long, drawn out breaths. Her hand retracted to herself and she guarded it in her lap, remaining crouched and never taking her eyes off of mine. I frantically looked about the room, trying to find the nearest sharp object but it seemed like the girl's toothy grin was the only thing to be found in sight.

"You are awake."

The girl barely moved her lips but the voice that came out of her was deep and throaty, far too low for a girl to have, let alone a child. But this was no ordinary child. I gave her no reply, simply looking at my whereabouts, trying to plan out my escape. The boarded walls gave the room a stuffy atmosphere, damp, almost as if it had no visitors in quite a while. There were no windows and a few shelves with various jars messily scattered in them, blocked my view of what I thought was a door. I saw what looked like were severed... not, not severed, _torn_ limbs on a far corner of the room, maggots slithering in them while flies danced above it. I tried to see if any of the others were with me, knocked out perhaps, but I seemed to be alone with the creature.

"What are you?"

Her voice once more caught my attention, this time with the odd question. Was she... _it_ actually asking me what I was?

"Your blood... it's not normal." Still in the same position, the girl took two steps forward, beginning to playfully bite on a finger while a small stream of blood ran down her chin.

"It... has the human tinge to it. That common taste. They all have it. But there is something else... a bitterness, acidic. It burns my tongue, my throat, my insides. It excites me. I like it."

I remained silent, still staring at her wide eyed. The taint in my blood did not warn me of anything so this did not come from the darkspawn... could this girl be a demon? But I had never heard of a demon that took such a form, or better yet, such a liking to blood, speaking of it almost as if it were a fine wine.

"And he is the same, and yet different." She withdrew the finger from her mouth and pensively looked at it, a dreamy smile dancing on her lips. "I can almost taste burnt wood through his blood, grass after rain. He is different from you, he is like a symphony in the midst of common song. What is he?"

"Who?"

I had finally managed to answer the creature, my voice coming out breathy and ragged. Her eyebrows raised slightly and she seemed pleased that I was responding.

"The blonde, big one. He asked for you, over and over. I merely had to take your form. Didn't put up a fight, not in his delirious state but... the taste. Oh the taste. It made up for the lack of struggle."

I gathered my strength to keep me where I stood, knowing that my wish to pounce on the creature was anything but sensible. Delirious? What did she do to him?

"Where is he?"

"Sleeping. I was all too excited about him. Almost bled him dry but then, if I did, what would I do? Singe myself to humans? Dwarfs? How very droll...you tainted ones are far more fun. Now..."

She turned her head in a full, slow sideways motion, locking her eyes on mine and planting her other hand on the ground, the blood on her chewed finger disappearing as it retracted back to her wound that closed in a few seconds.

"Will you answer me?"

Her gaze was intoxicating and I almost lost awareness of my surroundings, my pounding headache increasing as her eyes didn't leave mine, as well as the stench that filled the room, forcing me to cough. I looked away, staring at the ground beneath me and ground my teeth, trying to regain control.

"Oh it is all the same really... I am sure you know and when I leave not one droplet of your life within your veins, I will know. I still have him. To save me from the stale blood of these... well."

"Where are the others?"

"Away." She shrugged and quietly stood up, her small feet covered in dirt and with disgustingly looking overgrown nails. She scraped them on the ground and laughed quietly to herself.

"The dwarf... dwarfs taste like dirt. Earthen. Almost like licking a rock. And the mage... weak. She might as well die, her bones will do very well as firewood. Lyrium is simply... I'd rather feed on rats."

"I've been hungry for long, sleeping... and so very hungry. But what you carry in your veins... in his... she carried both within herself. My pained stomach could not take it anymore but..." Her face frowned, the childlike and what would be otherwise adorable expression, marred by the darkened cesspits of her eyes and the blood on her chin. "I was too late. She was already gone. But I was so very hungry and they were here, all human, all dull but I had to eat. But my my... little did I know..."

With tiny steps she approached me. I tried to back away, crawling without looking at her, but found my back against a rusted cage that lay abandoned. I turned my head for a second, to look at what had stopped me and, when I turned it forward, the little demonic girl's face was inches away from mine, her sharp smile staring down at me.

"...they were only appetizers."

Suddenly, the girl hissed and dark blood sprayed on me, covering my neck and my plates. I turned my head away, trying to avoid the spray of blood that came out of her throat, where the tip of a blade stood buried. As I did, I could see Zevran on the doorway, grabbing a piece of wood that had some protruding nails on it. Erline was standing behind him and seemed to be trying to cast a spell, with her eyes tightly shut and her lips moving in a fast motion.

The creature stood up, turning her head quickly at Zevran, who had unsheathed his shortsword, gripping both weapons and ready to take on the fiend. Slowly, the girl raised her arm to the back of her neck, grasping the handle of the dagger and removing it in one swift motion, throwing it away without even a glance. A low, deep sound began to boil from within her, raising in tone until it was a deafening shriek. I covered my ears, trying to muffle the sound but it soon began to dwindle as her small body began to diffuse in that same dark smoke that we had seen before. A mass of black mist soon became a small cloud within the room, and escaped past Erline who quickly turned and let out a chain of lighting from her fingers, that jolted her back, colliding with Zevran who had turned towards the door as well.

Erline scrambled away from Zevran, trying to stand up while the blond elf crawled to me, gripping my chin on his hand and trying to assess my injuries.

"We need to find the others... they..."

"I didn't see anyone but Erline, she was been locked with me on the nearest room upstairs." The elf's eyes were drawn to the wound on my head and his brow furrowed. "That gash on your head really doesn't become you, my dear."

"I'm sorry, Zevran." I winced when he passed his fingers over the wound. "Next time I'll try something that matches my garments."

"Good girl. Erline!"

The elven girl quickly kneeled next to us and tucked away a few strands of hair behind her ear, leaning in to look at my wound, frowning when she saw it. Turning to her side, she grabbed a small pouch and began to remove a jar from within it, as well as what looked like to be somewhat clean bandages.

"Lucky for us, that brat only seemed interested in the inhabitants, not their belongings." Zevran stood up and walked towards the door, gripping the shortsword while leaving the board with me. After making sure that we were alone, for the moment, he looked back at me and raised a brow, while Erline rubbed an ointment on my gash, the fresh yet intense smell of it filling my nostrils.

"Where are your things?"

"I have no idea. When I woke up... that thing was licking me clean." A sly smile began to tug at the corners of Zevran's lips. "No, don't snicker like that. She was licking my blood, for Andraste' sake."

"You're far too easy, my dear."

"Yes, well, not really. Ow." I heard Erline muttering an apology and trying to wrap the makeshift bandages tightly around my head. "How do you even know that's supposed to heal me?"

"Books. I'd get frustrated over all the magic and... well, I ended up reading a lot. This here has salve and..." She sighed as she tried once more to bandage me, when I raised a hand to help her through it. "Can you stand up?"

"I'm sore but... I think so." I leaned on the elven girl for support, firmly planting my feet on the ground while trying to ignore the pain on my muscles as I got up. Zevran turned his eyes to my head, looking at the already soaking bandages. His brow was slightly furrowed and his lips pursed.

"I'm fine." I nudged him with my free hand, holding on to Erline with the other. "How did you manage to get out anyway?"

"Me and shackles. We are long time friends."

"Forget what I said. I _really _ don't want to know..." Zevran threw a knowing smile towards my way, before turning forward and preparing himself to walk out of the room. Before he could take one step, I reached out to him once more.

"Are you sure you didn't see anyone else...?"

"No, we haven't."

I was sure he could see the worry in my eyes. The creature had spoken of Alistair, of that I was sure... and she spoke of almost draining him. I had been desperate, hoping that Zevran would've seen him but decided to come here first but my heart sank once more once he denied it.

We carefully climbed up the stairs that were out of the doorway, each of our steps making the wood creak deliberately, almost as if it was trying to point out where we were. When we reached the top of the stairs, I felt tired and my legs weary, but refused to let it show. Zevran looked at me again and I swore I saw a glimpse of worry on his features but, if it was ever there, he quickly hid it away and turned forward. We were in a long hallway, with wooden panels on the walls, splattered in blood far up ahead. It almost seemed like it would be a shoddy inn, with its lack of decoration, with only a couple of tables on the left wall of the hallway. The walls were bare, despite there being plenty of cracks along the boards and I began to blink, trying to make out if there was actually a dark cloud emerging from them or if it was just my sight, not quite yet accustomed to light.

But soon enough, my suspicions proved to be true, as the dark mist enveloped us and I grabbed tightly the board Zevran had given me earlier. I could almost feel Erline' scars pulsing against my arm and the assassin turned his head everywhere, trying to get a glimpse of the child like creature, something, anything that he could strike with his blade.

"Who are you to even dare challenging me? Stupid pieces of meat, that is what you are!"

Erline's eyes closed and I could hear faint whispering, words being uttered too fast for me to comprehend them. I looked up and shivered at hearing once more the otherworldly voice, now detached with no body to associate with.

"An assassin so bound to save the life of another when all you have done is take them. Even the one that claimed to love you. Do you dare not open yourself once more elf? You're not worthy, are you? You want to, to be the savior, her savior! But are you worthy?"

Zevran's knuckles turned white as he forcefully gripped the handle of his sword, not even shivering at the creature's words.

"And the pretty young mage. Blood ruined with lyrium. You are a failure and always have been, you even let them take your child! And in return, what did you get? He only wanted your blood, your untamed power, nothing else! Your life is tainted with failure."

Erline's eyes seemed to shut themselves even more tightly, her voice seeming slightly more audible as she seemed to struggle to not hear the words that came from above.

"And you. Of the tainted blood, that sweet delicacy that you carry within your veins. So wallowing in your self pity and self righteousness that you do not see your own mistakes. Why be hurt over something that will never be yours? Why even fight for it?"

The words boiled my blood, as the creature apparently was trying to kick us all off balance. It knew far more about us than it should, could it have been hidden within our blood? I did not have time to dwell on these thoughts as we heard heavy footsteps on the far end of the hallway. Something that looked like it walked on four legs walked slowly up to us, a scaly tail whipped the air, with what seemed like the head of a snake on its tip. The body seemed coated with dark and coarse fur and a set of black eyes stared at us from a beastly looking head. It was not a hound nor a wolf... it was a malevolent beast that scraped its enormous claws on the ground, eyeing Zevran and looking like it was preparing to jump on him.

Zevran dug his feet on the floor and stood in front of us, balancing the sword in his hand. I cursed my dizziness and tried to stand without Erline's help, desperate to help the assassin in the impending fight, knowing that huge beast that prepared to attack us would be more than enough to tear each and one of us apart. A scream escaped my throat as my eyes blurred, when the beast began to ran towards the elf, finally flexing its paws and jumping landing right on Zevran's blade, despite pinning him under it. The elf struggled beneath it, the heavy clawed paws digging deep into his shoulders while he tried to sink the sword further. A gasp caught in my throat and I fell on my knees, barely being able to breathe.

I looked up at Erline, whose eyes suddenly shot open, completely blank and white. Her back straightened and her hair flew away from her face, her features deep in concentration while static began to grow between her fingers. Soon all I could yell was Zevran's name, when a surge of electricity shot from Erline's hand, immediately setting the fur of the creature on fire, that began to howl in agony, stepping away from Zevran and trying to set the fire away by rolling on the floor. I could see the snarling mouth melting away around those teeth, the black smoke trying to rise up from it but ultimately seeming to be consumed within the flames. Soon, the creature was nothing but a black mass of burnt remains, sitting on a dark pool of liquid that still bubbled with the magic that struck it.

Erline had fallen by my side and was now panting heavily. Zevran stood up with effort, his leathers torn on his shoulders and a look of pain surging through his face when he leaned against the wall, leaving the sword on the ground. Slowly he walked to fuming carcass, his feet hitting it with a kick while he grabbed his bleeding shoulder. We were all in terrible shape but once again, I tried to stand up, knowing that we still had more people to find. Especially Alistair.

Zevran dismissed me with his hand when I reached for his shoulder with worry, grabbing his sword instead and helping Erline to her feet.

"I'm fine. We don't know if there's more... stay alert."

We kept walking along the hallway, the smell of burning flesh quickly enveloping the entire atmosphere. We passed an open door and Zevran didn't even spare it a glance for it was surely where he had been imprisoned along with Erline, continuing to walk forward to the next one. Zevran stopped on his tracks and motioned for us to be quiet while he stood next to the second door we met after our encounter. His hand, slowly, reached for the door handle, turning it carefully and raising his sword. He quickly lowered his arm and opened fully the door, glancing back at me with his lips slightly parted. Zevran rarely betrayed his emotions but I didn't like his reaction, stopping there at the doorway, and glancing at me. What was he seeing? What?

I let go of Erline and dragged myself along the wall, leaning on the door frame for support while Zevran grabbed my arm. The room had very few furniture, other than a weathered dresser and a small bed with a blanket over it that was covered in dried blood. The metallic smell of it covered the entire room and a gasp was caught within my throat when I glanced at the back of the room. The light of the moon shone through the curtain-less window, barely illuminating the body that lay perfectly still, face down, on the ground beneath it. A single torch was lit on the other side of the room but did not offer enough lighting to that particular corner. Even so, I could see who it was. Blonde hair, broad shoulders and incredibly pale skin, with an enormous cut across his forearm.

Alistair.


	21. Prey

_A.N.: As always, thanks for Abydos Jackson, for calling me out on my own silliness and sometimes... inappropriate wording :p _

I couldn't tell if he was breathing or not and it terrified me.

I immediately ran towards Alistair, my knees buckling beneath me and letting me fall by his side. I saw blood splattered on the walls but it seemed unlikely to have come from his wound. My thoughts were frantic and I was far too busy trying to assure myself that he simply could _not _be dead than to actually turn him, the thought of his lifeless eyes almost too much to bear.

I lowered my head, feeling a few stray strands brushing against the sides of my face as I took a deep breath and grasped Alistair' shoulders. Slowly, I turned him on his back, his eyes firmly closed and not a sign of any other wound other than the one his arm and from the blow on his head. Still, the sight of his face filled me with dread, not a single shred left of the Alistair I knew. Instead, I saw a sickly pale man, lips as white as the rest of his skin. He looked almost as if he were made of wax and the entire sight felt far more horrible than anything I had witnessed before.

I felt my chest tightening as I slowly placed my hand on his armourless chest, discarded as it were. When my fingers made the first contact with his skin, I could feel it getting wet with my own perspiration, not being able to control the trembling of my hand. Even so, I felt something… a faint, distant beat. I leaned my ear and did not even try to stop the joyful tears that flooded my eyes as I hugged him tightly and finally breathed a sigh of relief.

I had not even noticed Erline and Zevran, the mage standing, covering her mouth with one of her sleeves as Zevran had shut the door and stood by it, with his sword raised defensively.

"Is he…?"

"No, no. Thank the Maker, he's alive…"

Erline kneeled beside me and laid her hand over Alistair's chest, feeling his faint heartbeat as I had. She furrowed her brow and then looked at the side, my own gaze feeling forced to follow her own. On the left far wall of the room, sat what looked like a dresser, splintered and worn, with various jars and flasks on top of it. Erline got up and approached it, picking up one particular container which contained a vivid red liquid, clear as she rose it to her face, to examine it further. The red liquid was almost crystalline, despite its color, and it was a familiar and welcome substance. A health poultice.

At that moment, it dawned on me. Despite his extremely fragile state, it was never this creature's intent to bleed him dry. No, it wanted to feed and then heal him… feed and heal… feed and heal… continuously in a vicious cycle, satisfying its desires as it would, with no concern for the man that served only as a vessel for its feast.

I looked up at Erline and silently pleaded to her, for the girl to use the knowledge she had shown before to heal him… to save him, somehow. Erline did not waste a second, lifting up some fabric of her robe and placing a few chosen flasks and containers within it, carefully kneeling once more and displaying them on the ground.

"We might not have time to play potion class," Zevran looked at us, still weary from the attack he had suffered before. "we don't know what could be heading our way."

"Hold his head."

Erline's sudden commanding tone brought my attention to her, a determination on her face that I had not expected to see from the shy, reserved girl that had been travelling with us. A few locks of dark hair covered her eyes, but she did not let it bother her as she lifted up the uncovered health poultice to Alistair's lips. I held his head up as well as I could, sitting behind him with my legs on each of his side, holding his heavy upper body against mine. A gurgling cough came out of his throat and his eyes shot up once the few first trickles of the liquid were poured down his throat. Immediately, Erline removed the flask from his mouth and allowed him to breathe, deep gasps of air coming out of him as he struggled to once more breathe life into himself.

I had never felt so helpless, so useless. We had suffered many injuries, many encounters with death… but this time, if it weren't for the sheer luck of the health supplies we had, what would've happened? I did not want to think about it. I caressed Alistair's hair, hiding myself in it as he violently coughed in my embrace. When his breathing calmed down and he subsided, I felt once more relieved to feel him stirring in my arms.

"Don't try to speak, templar. We need to take care of this wound."

Erline proceeded to grab Alistair's arm and carefully pour some of the liquid unto the gash that ran through it, smoke rising up from where it made contact as I felt Alistair tensing with the sudden shock. I looked at the wound and saw it losing its torn and bloodied look, not entirely closing but instead looking like it was already slightly healed. Erline ripped a strip of cloth from her robes and wrapped it tightly around his arm, making a tight knot.

"Zevran…"

The elf, who had been listening at the door and had barely looked at the procedure, stealing one or two furtive glances, now looked directly at me, at the mentioning of his name.

"You need to find Leliana and Oghren. Fast."

"They must not be far from here, I can go quickly while Erline-"

"Goes with you."

The young girl did not even look at me, still busy examining Alistair's head, trying to make amends with what she had. Zevran's eyes widened for a moment, his face returning to his usual collected manner in little more than a second, but the slip of his mask was far enough.

"What? Look at yourself! I'm not leaving you here, alone with a man that is nothing but a banquet at the moment, and you! You are barely able to stand up to defend yourself."

"You're not looking that much better, Zevran."

"I can't argue with that, now can I?"

I clenched my jaw and looked at my side, at the makeshift weapon Zevran had given me. He was right, I could not defend either myself or Alistair, in his state, if any menace suddenly appeared.

"Zevran… take Erline. I'll be fine."

"You're much too stubborn for your own good."

"Yes I am. And the sooner you two leave, the sooner you come back and the sooner I'm out of danger."

"If I'm going to leave you, she should stay as well, no? I'm much more light on my feet when on my own."

"She saved your pretty behind. She's going with you."

Zevran looked straight into my eyes, his gaze so piercing it almost made me uncomfortable. He did not like the idea, not one bit. He hated it, to leave me defenseless and helpless. But I had slain a dragon, Maker be damned, it wasn't going to be one little starved demon thing that was going to tear me apart now. Zevran gave me his shortsword and grabbed the makeshift weapon he had given me, turning to open the door and stepping out without a single word. Erline quickly followed behind him, turning to me before leaving and mouthing out some words, a very distinct lack of confidence still quite present in her features.

_You can count on me_.

As the door closed and I grabbed tightly the blade's handle, not being able to quite figure out if what I had just done was the smartest or the most stupidest decision I had ever done. And at every passing second, if felt more and more like the latter.

"Ariadne..."

I heard Alistair's weakened voice, barely audible and I quickly turned my attention to him, caressing his face lightly while leaning my cheek against his.

"I'm here... be quiet..."

I could feel Alistair breathing steadily in my arms but barely a few minutes had gone by since Zevran had left, when I felt the air beginning to thicken, the same atmosphere one feels on a hot summer day but, at the same time, it felt chilly and nearly cuttingly cold on my exposed skin. I could hear a distant murmur, slightly more audible at each passing time... a light, young voice, almost childlike in manner.

_"Why try?"_

The voice felt more and more present, the faintest of whispers feeling like they were being delivered right at my ears.

_"Why fight?"_

I lifted my arm defensively and looked around the room. We still seemed to be alone, but I could feel my head dizzy again and a slight pang on my stomach.

"_It will never be... it is already dead."_

With those words, I felt the light caress of a slight breeze running through my neck, the airy touch suddenly being overcome by force as I could feel what seemed like scaly fingers wrapping themselves around my throat. I could hear commotion starting to rise outside, and I could not tell if it came from within the walls of the building or from the street. I could hear screams now, vividly, as well as the clashing of steel against steel. I passed my right arm behind Alistair's head and grabbed the shortsword with both hands, turning it backwards and stabbing forcefully behind me. Suddenly, the gripping touch disappeared and I looked behind me, only to see blackened smoke dissipating on the creaks of the wooden wall.

"Zevran..."

My voice was faint and weakened as well. I rose to my knees and tried to get up, leaning Alistair against my legs, as I stood up to try and defend us. I nearly fell against the wall with the sudden rising movement, but tried to steady myself and get ready for what could come. The racket outside was now deafening and I could almost swear that I could hear Oghren's cries.

I heard a banging against the door and flinched. I looked down at Alistair and saw his eyes, half closed and drowsy, looking up at me. His hand weakly grasped my calf and leaned against me once more. I took one step forward, not before propping him up against the wall, as comfortably as I could. As I prepared to take a second step, I felt the same presence behind me, now not creeping up but instead grabbing me by the neck with brute force and throwing me against the door.

I landed on my stomach and my blade was thrown near the dresser, close and yet out of my reach. I rolled over, to see what had attacked me and saw Alistair, trying his hardest to lean in and reach the sword, all while a towering presence hovered above me.

"Did you truly think a mere stab would prevent me from reaching you?"

The creature above stood much taller than its previous form... its limbs thin and inhumanly long, with arms that nearly reached its knees. The naked form was revolting and the pasty skin was riddled with boils. The very same blackened eyes were there, as well as the sharp teeth, but this was not the girl I had seen before. No. This was the creature's true form, with a few strips of hair covering its misshapen head, blood covering its lower lip that was split at the middle, the reptilian tongue snaking between the gape.

The sticky strands of hair brushed against my face as the creature leaned in, one of its long nails scraping on my nose.

"Dead. All dead. You killed my sibling... but it is already dead."

The inhuman voice turned into a hiss as the creature flinched and looked down, dark blood pouring out of its ankle, the blade that had been taken from me, stuck on it with its handle being grasped by Alistair's hand.

"Foolish little vessels."

The creature kicked Alistair and he barely kept his eyes open when he collided against the bed, the blade stick buried in the creature's flesh.

"Zevran!"

Now I yelled with all the might I had, filling my lungs with air as I screamed the assassin's name. The creature leaned down once more, never taking its eyes off of me as its hands sought the pestering blade.

"Do you think a mere scrape is-"

Suddenly, the grating voice was silenced completely and the long hairs flew away from me, as well as its head. I did not hear the door opening nor the men who entered, my attention instead focused on the head of the creature that now lay on the floor, having left a trail of its venomous blood on the far back wall, where it hit and slid down. Its disgusting maw was releasing acidic smoke, as the flesh all around it became putrid and the boils of the creature's skin expanded over the sickened flesh. The stench was unbearable and it only added to my discomfort, the room spinning around and around me as my innards felt like they were going to spill at any given moment.

A gloved hand lifted my chin and I could barely make out the features of the man that was kneeling before me. My eyes darted around the room, frantically seeking Alistair, desperately wanting to know if he was alright, but I became angry at myself for I could see nothing but blurs, dancing around the room, coupled with muffled sounds and voices.

"Ariadne?"

The voice of my brother Fergus was the last thing I recognized before allowing myself to slip into unconsciousness, the familiar sound being able to bring some shred of relief and allowing finally my body to collapse.


	22. Breathe

_A.N.: Yessss... This story isn't quite dead yet so here it is, yet another chapter. Yup, I'm not giving up that easily, hopefully I haven't alienated the readers of this story with my hiatus... hopefully I'll manage to pick up my pace once more (: enjoy._

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After blacking out, it seemed like only a moment had passed before I woke up again. I opened my eyelids, feeling as if they were made of lead, as a ruckus made of shadows and undistinguishable voices enveloped me. I could feel my body being rocked softly, someone's arms under me, holding me against them. It wasn't until I was laid down on a somewhat soft surface that I finally allowed my eyes to open fully.

Looking farther from where I came, I could see exiting the inn a limping Leliana leaning for support on Zevran, her robes covered with blood and Zevran's face seemingly scratched. I could feel a familiar presence next to me and yet I did not fully register who it was even after I had laid eyes on him.

"Stay down, little sister."

"Fergus...?"

I could now clearly see my brother kneeling next to me, his hand carefully holding my head as he reached a small waterskin to my lips. I allowed some of the liquid to slide down my throat, the effort of parting my lips feeling like it was more than I could handle.

"Where is-"

"The King is safe. Don't worry."

Even despite not being able to see Alistair, Fergus' words brought me a kind of reassurance I could only expect from my brother. He was family. He was home. He had saved me.

Another presence soon approached me, a familiar hand cupping my chin and lifting it to look at me. Zevran had kneeled next to me as well, while Fergus said something to him that I couldn't quite understand and stood up to address his men. The elf had long scratches that had traces of dried blood that went from his face down to his shoulder, only adding up to his earlier injuries. He leaned forward to examine me further and I could see him flinch as he did.

"You should get that fixed."

"You're one to talk, my fair Warden."

"Erline?"

"She's fine, tougher than she looks."

"And Oghren...?"

"Also fine. Don't..." He stopped mid sentence and looked straight into my eyes, his thumb lightly caressing my cheek. He turned his head away, to look at something I could not see, returning his eyes to me soon afterwards.

"Rest. None of us are in great shape but we all made it. Don't worry, for a second. Just rest."

The smell of burning flesh reached my nostrils and I instinctively covered my mouth to avoid my innards from spilling out. I could now see I was laying on a makeshift straw bed, put together on a wooden cart. Zevran sat against the border of the cart and allowed me to rest my head on his lap. I was trying desperately to control my gag reflex while the revolting stench seemed to envelop me. Zevran grabbed the waterskin Fergus had left behind, tore off some fabric from his now tattered tunic and poured some water on it, covering my face with it, allowing me to breathe slightly better and to let my stomach settle.

"We were lucky your brother arrived when he did. There were quite a few of... those things. They're burning the corpses now."

My breathing was now steady and I could not sense the smell that had revolted me so, as much as before. I wanted to thank Zevran, for trusting me, for being there, even when I asked him to turn his back on me. I reached upwards, grabbing his arm and he looked down at me, his expression inscrutable. I opened my lips, trying to let out the words but they never came as I soon felt the darkness overcoming me once more and all the noise and chaos turned to nothing.

* * *

My limbs felt pinned under heavy covers as I pulled my arms from under them and stretched them above my head. I didn't try to stifle a yawn that overcame me and I blinked, trying to adjust to the darkness that filled the room. I could see a hint of light shining under the door but even with the curtains closed over the window on the far wall, I could tell it was most likely night time.

How long had I been sleeping? There was no way of knowing without leaving the bed but sleep seemed to keep me in shackles as it was proving to be quite difficult to muster the courage to crawl out of it. This drowsiness almost overcame the sense of urgency I felt, the realization that I had probably lost more days than I should filling my thoughts. I pushed the covers away but remained laying down, my mind wandering between thoughts of Morrigan and of my companions.

I finally made the decision to actually get myself out of bed and threw my legs to the side, trying to sit up while trying to stifle the pain inflicted by the bruises on my body. I immediately thought of Alistair, of how he was and the horrible pessimist in me thought right away that perhaps everything wasn't alright. He had lost a lot of blood... but there was no way of knowing for sure how he was when I had been sleeping for... Maker knows how long. I tried to rid myself of such thoughts and got up, stretching myself in the tips of my toes, feeling all of my muscles tightening and almost as if they were stiffened.

I walked slowly to the armoir that stood tall on the right of the bed, recognizing the old wooden frame as I lightly touched its door with my fingers. This was not my old room but this piece of furniture was most definitely a part of it. Not wanting to wander in what would surely be less than pleasant thoughts, I tried to empty my mind by quickly grabbing the handle and opening the door. Inside were, as I thought, some carefully hung clothes, a magnificent dark blue velour dress, a pair of linen trousers and a loose shirt. I looked at the hanging clothes and then at the robe carefully folded at the bottom and ended up deciding to slip on the shirt and trousers. I was going for a walk, not a ball and to wear a dress felt so out of place... when before it was very much a second skin.

I stepped outside of the room and looked over the long hallway. The stony walls of Highever still stood as I remembered them, the same weathered stones covered with large tapestries, with a few new cracks and dents here and there that were testament to the events that had occurred between them, both good and bad. I had not bothered to put on any shoes, so the floor felt uncomfortably cold but I tried not to let it bother me. I was more than thrilled to be up and about and I was not willing to go back to search for shoes. It felt almost childlike in a way, familiar even... I cherished the shivers the cold floor gave me.

After the first turn, I saw a couple of guards standing in front of Fergus' room. Or what used to be his room. I approached him slowly, half surprised, half curious. As soon as I approached the door, apparently far too close for comfort, the taller guard on the right straightened his posture and leaned his pike ever so slightly forward.

"His Majesty is not to be disturbed."

I raised an eyebrow at the man and looked straight at his eyes that were looking straight alright... straight past me. He did not even spare me a glance before straightening his weapon before himself. I placed my hand on my hip and looked at the man, wondering why he did not recognize me. I most likely looked like nothing but a commoner in my clothes, but surely they should know who I was? The guard on the left though, stared at me nervously, glancing at his partner from time to time.

"His Majesty is resting here?" I asked, leaning forward to see if I could manage to get some eye contact with the taller man.

"Yes he is. Not to be disturbed."

"Ordered by whom?"

"By Teyrn Cousland."

As soon as Fergus was mentioned, the guard on the left began fiddling with his fingers in a nervous fashion, looking like he was considering whether or not he should poke the other man with his pike, to get his attention.

"Angus..."

"And Teyrn Cousland's orders are to be followed. Therefore, no disturbances."

" Angus..."

"And that's that."

"Angus!"

"What?"

The man on the right finally lost his composure and turned to the other guard, raising his voice slightly higher than necessary and looking like every single drop of blood on his body had gathered on his face.

"Angus..." The shorter man looked at me and nodded towards my way. "That's Lady Ariadne Cousland. You know. The Teyrn's sister..."

The taller man looked at me slowly, frowning before all color disappeared from his face.

"I-I apologize my lady, I-"

"It's all right." I tried to stifle a smile, not being able to stop myself from being amused by the man's sudden embarrassment. "Can I...?"

Neither of the men uttered a single word, merely opening the door for me as the taller man, who appeared to be the very personification of authority before, now seemed to shrink at my passage. I tried to smile gently and to stop my chuckling. I then closed the door behind me and stopped all reaction. The room was fairly lit by a few candles, although the light still barely shone through the entire room. I could see a form lying in the poster bed, a few shadows forming on it as the flames danced above it.

The breath that had been caught on my throat was soon released when I saw that the figure that laid dormant seemed to be merely sleeping peacefully, as his chest rose steadily. A took a few steps forward, the shadows teasing me, not allowing me to fully see his face until after I was by the side of the bed. Alistair still looked deathly pale, the orange light of the candles only enhancing the lack of color on his cheeks. But still, despite his apparent weakness, he looked _alive_. Even as I worried, even as the most morbid of thoughts crossed my mind as I recalled back to when we had found him back at the inn... I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my chest and now I was free to breathe again.

I slowly stretched out a hand, eager to touch his cheek, but almost afraid that in his frailty, he would disappear if I touched him. A loud noise behind me made my hand recoil and I turned around startled to see what had just happened. Erline stood at the door, trying to blow away her hair from her face with impatient puffs while she desperately tried to keep the dozen of vials, poultices and jars she held on her skirt, from shattering on the floor. I ceased the cue and ran over to the young elf to help her, grabbing a few of the containers that seemed to dangle a bit dangerously over the edge of the crumpled fabric.

She let out a sigh as she managed to carefully place all of the flasks over the large dark nightstand that sat on the left side of the bed, laying them out orderly as she muttered to herself, all the while she chewed on her pinky finger. When I joined her by the nightstand and laid out the flasks I had caught, she smiled to me, underneath her rebellious strands of her.

"Glad to see you up and running."

"Your doing, I recon?"

She nodded and pulled a roll of bandages from within her sleeve, ripping up a part of it which she then soaked with a dark green liquid.

"Even with all the blood he lost, he's doing quite well. He'll have to eat plenty once he wakes up though."

"I don't think that'll be a problem... by the way, did you have any trouble getting in here?"

"Did you?"

"Well... Ah... well... I guess-"

I chuckled at her seeming embarrassment and leaned against the wall opposite of the bed.

"Nevermind. It was sort of funny actually... in a kind of a sad way." I gave her a shy smile and then allowed it to open further. Erline had now turned to tend to the exposed wound of Alistair's arm, carefully rubbing an ointment soaked cloth on it. The scars on her arms were peeking from underneath her sleeves but despite what they could possibly mean, the reality that I might not be alive anymore if it weren't for this girl was enough to overshadow whatever her marks meant.

"For someone who seemed to have such a lack of confidence in herself, you seem to be quite proficient when it comes to healing."

Erline's eyes shot up at me and her face seemed to flush a bit, her fingers clumsily wrapping the fresh bandages around Alistair's arm.

"Well... I believe I have mentioned this... that I read a lot. And healing... it's, it's one of those things that when it comes to magic..." She glanced sideways at me and offered a slight smile that seemed to last for only a second. "Well, there's less of a chance of setting your chambers on fire."

"It seems to me you did good then. We need to find what we're good at and... well, despite you probably protesting otherwise, your magic has saved us more than once. I owe you a lot of thanks."

Erline remained silent, turning to the nightstand where she had all of her containers lined up, apparently stirring one of the larger ones where a clear blue concoction was.

"Alistair... he means a lot to me. And if it weren't for you..." My words were caught in my throat, as Erline did not run to face me but froze where she stood. I took a step forward and placed my hand on her shoulder, ever so lightly, almost as if trying to gain her trust once more.

"You don't need to thank me." Her voice suddenly resonated through the silent room. "You saved me as well. Gave me a new opportunity. I'm doing what is right."

This time, Erline smiled broadly at me, small dimples forming on her cheeks as she genuinely smiled not only with her lips, but with her eyes as well. She brushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes and poured some of the liquid she had been stirring, carefully, down Alistair's throat. He instantly coughed for a moment before settling down once more on the bed, sleeping as peacefully as before. While trying to settle Alistair, I could see once more the deep markings on Erline's arms, pure ivory marred by scars made for some obscure purpose. Despite my trust in her, my curiosity was too big to ignore.

"Erline... you're from Nevarra, right?"

The elf did not answer me but she did give me a quizzical look, looking as if she was half dreading what I could ask of her.

"Yes..."

"What is it like?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again, rubbing a finger along her eyebrow as she looked away from me, pensively.

"I'm from Cumberland... not too cold, although the breeze from the sea often makes it colder than it is in the capital. There are glittering gardens, our heroes have statues adorned with flowers in every square. The tower... it glimmers when the sun is high, alabaster and gold." She lowered her eyes and tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her pointed ear. "It is a beautiful nation, people sing to feel happy, to make others happy, to share their gift, the gift of song, of painting, of tapestry. And the smell... nothing like Ferelden. Flowers and salt from the water..."

"It sound like it's beautiful."

"It is."

"Then why did you leave?"

Instinctively, Erline tugged on her sleeves and folded her arms over chest, glancing towards the door and then to Alistair, as if to make sure that despite his presence, we were the only ones truly in that room.

"I know why you ask me this. I know what you think of me, of what your companions think. But I'm not _that_!" She took a deep breath and lowered her voice.

"I know that these" Erline pulled up her sleeves and bared her arms to me. "brand me as such, but I am not a blood mage. I... I do not wish to speak of this but I can assure you... I am no such thing."

I walked towards Erline and grabbed her hands, cold and damp as they were, nodding to her. Despite wanting to hear more, I was not going to force her to tell me anything and I was already satisfied with her "confession". I did not want to doubt her, not this young girl that seemed to have been forced to fled the world that she seemed loved so much, only to be left alone and lost, as we found her. I had given far more opportunities to others before her, so why not to this young elf? She squeezed my hands as well and sighed, turning to the nightstand once more as she picked up her poultices and walked towards the door.

"You do not need to thank me. If I do this, it is because I want to. It's the least I can do."

With this, she left, closing the door behind her and leaving me alone in the room with Alistair, who slept as if nothing had just happened within those four walls. It amazed me to see that only a while after Erline's ministrations, some color had already returned to his cheeks, his deathly pale look more and more gone as time passed by. I leaned in and kissed him lightly on his cheek, leaving quickly before I changed my mind and could not force myself away from him.

I nodded at the guards and walked back to my room, thinking nothing of it as I simply opened the door and stepped inside, the feeling of the nearby rug underneath my feet being more than welcome. As my eyes turned to the back of the room, I was slightly startled as I noticed a shadowed figure sitting on the chair next to the, now, unlit fireplace. The figure stood up and took a few steps forward, his voice familiar and coupled with the sight of golden hair, I immediately realized who it was.

"My my... you wake up and I'm not the first person that you go to see. I'm heartbroken, my fair Warden. Part of it due to your very inappropriate attire. I was expecting something else, something sheer... but I guess one has to work with what they have."

Zevran grinned at me, and leaned against the poster bed, eyeing me up and down as it was now the norm. Even so, it never failed to make me feel slightly uncomfortable, even with my less than attractive choice of outfit. Now, even more so, despite his lecherous attitude being more than usual. I couldn't help but feel, especially with all that had happened lately, that this could be another of his carefully woven facades. Or maybe not.

I sat on the edge of the bed and laced my fingers together, looking at Zevran, half expecting another witty retort. But my silence's only result was to have seriousness falling upon his features, all traces of his grin vanished with a slight raise of his eyebrows when he saw that I did not even smile at his remarks.

"How is our regent? Alive, I reckon?"

"Yes... Erline's been taking care of him."

"He's not awaken yet?"

"No."

Zevran chuckled to himself and glanced upwards, only to have his eyes fall on me once more.

"Quite typical of Alistair, no? To jump madly into harm's way and then sleep half way through the battle. He's as useful as always."

"Zevran?"

"Yes?"

"Stop."

His lips pursed slightly, as the elf looked less than happy at my order, if you could call it that. One of his favorite hobbies was to ridicule Alistair and while most of it passed by me... now? Having seen him at death's door, I was simply not in the mood to hear it.

"You said before that he was not to accompany us on our journey." His voice once more cut through the silence. "You do realize that if you do something like... I don't know, leaving him here, he _will_ follow you like a lost puppy?"

I rubbed my eyes and held my chin on my palm, taking in every intricacy of the carved handle of the room's door.

"I know. I-" I breathed deeply and bit my lip. "I don't want to think about it right now."

"Well, you will have to at some point. We can't let the Grey Warden Commander put herself in danger every time our king decides to do something foolish. We were lucky that-"

"That, due to a fluke of fate, my brother arrived to rescue us?"

"Yes, that."

"Zevran... were you worried?"

I looked directly at the assassin and, despite of his constant mask that he held up to hide his emotions and reactions, I could see that he was caught off guard and that his mask had slipped, if only ever so slightly.

"We all were."

"I don't see a crowd in here, telling me off."

This time, it was his turn to remain silent, although he did not avert his gaze even once. I rose up and walked towards the closed window, the air within the room seemed as if it were getting heavier and I need a breath of fresh air. I stopped half way through opening the window when Zevran's voice once more hit my ears.

"Despite how nice the night is, you should rest. I shall leave you now."

I did not turn to bid him good night, but I felt his presence closing in on me and my muscles tensed. I stared as hard as I could, at the moon, silver and full. The warmth from his hands hovered above my shoulders and I did not dare to breathe, fearing that doing so would make my body move and touch his. He was merely inches away from me and I suddenly felt his breath on my cheek.

"I would never do anything to harm you."

The softness of his lips caressed my cheek, as they lay there far longer than necessary. I was like stone, not moving one inch, forcing my eyes to remain where they were, to still myself and to wish him away. Zevran finally withdrew, his hands, despite never touching my flesh, left me as well. I did not hear his voice again and only when I heard the door shutting, I let go of the breath I was holding within my lungs and leaned on the window pane for support. Despite feeling exhausted, I would not sleep. But what else could I do?


End file.
